Gave my friend a birthday gift. She let her child open it.

[PlaygroundSusie]

So, this actually happens every year. I have a good friend of many years, and we exchange small gifts on our birthdays. Nothing lavish or particularly exciting - think fairly generic items for grown-up ladies such as: nice teas, coffee, bath salts, scented candles, etc.

My friend has a daughter, and ever since she (the daughter) was old enough to unwrap gifts, my friend always immediately hands her own birthday gifts over to her daughter to unwrap. Of course, the daughter swoops on them, much like a seagull after a chip, and rips them open with glee!

It was my friend's birthday last week, and this time I managed to see her during the daytime when her daughter was at school. I wished her happy birthday, and handed over my gift. However, rather than open the gift herself, my friend thanked me and said "Do you mind if I wait until [Daughter] comes home from school, so that she can open it? [Daughter] just loves unwrapping presents!"

Reader, I DID mind! I'd bought and wrapped the gift for my friend to open, rather than her daughter! But I couldn't think of a way to say that without sounding precious. Later than evening, my friend texted me, thanking me for the gift (a pair of adult-sized fuzzy socks) and mentioned how much her daughter enjoyed opening it.

I don't know why, but this just rubbed me up the wrong way. I can understand allowing a young toddler to 'help' open a present that's been given to an adult, but my friend's daughter is six! Surely that's old enough to appreciate the concept that she gets to open presents on her birthday, and her mum gets to open presents on her mum's birthday?

(And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this is ridiculously small, and I have no intention of saying anything to my friend. But I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?).

She did you a favour to be honest. You didn’t have to stand there and watch a grown woman feign excitement over a pair of fluffy socks.

Personally I would die on the spot handing someone a pair of socks for their birthday. I would be delighted if she said she would get her child to do it later and save me wanting the ground to open up and swallow me.
All this over a lousy pair of socks.

Don't give a gift again if it matters that much to you

This is what I can’t understand, it’s not like the OP had bought something she’d put a lot of thought into or was a particularly expensive gift. I could understand if it was something she knew her friend had really wanted or would be really excited about, but it’s just a pair of socks.

Exactly.

Next time give an x-rated gift. Edible underwear, inflatable cock then she probably won’t let the kid open your gifts again lol

Put it in a gift bag next time or get the shop to gift wrap in clear cellophane
Your friend is quite rude tbh

At 6!

The daughter wasn't even there, the friend could have opened her present and the daughter wouldn't have known. I think it's a bit odd.

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I fully appreciate this is my own 'quirk' and as I mentioned in my first post, I wouldn't dream of saying anything to my friend about it.

There's one point I want to clear up. Some of you have suggested that perhaps my friend dislikes opening gifts in front of the giver. I can safely say that's not the case. I've know my friend for about 15 years. In our 20s and into our 30s, she used to throw birthday celebrations for herself (fairly common in our circle) and always opened her gifts on the spot, in front of the people who gave them. So she's not one to be uncomfortable about it.

IMO, my friend does indulge her daughter a lot, and (without wanting to go into too much detail) can have some martyr-like tendencies when it comes to motherhood, so I suspect that's probably feeding into how I feel about her allowing her daughter to always open my friend's own gifts.

And finally, I have noticed in the last couple of years, her daughter has tended to try to appropriate her mum's gifts. For example, last year, I gave my friend bath salts. Daughter unwrapped them, grabbed them, and then started demanding that my friend let her use the salts when she (the daughter) next had a bath. Not sure about the socks, but I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter had insisted on wearing them herself!

I don't think, out of all the issues ever posted on MN, that I've come across this one before.

I really don't understand why it's a big deal

And I'm not one for letting children do everything they want. But seriously, as long as she gives it straight to mum, who is then suitably appreciative I can't see a problem

This would be enough for me to say to the friend “Let’s not worry about getting each other birthday gifts any more” and leave it at that. Meet up for coffee or lunch instead if you are keen to maintain the friendship (unless daughter has to be present for that too). Alternatively, get her a bottle of wine or a plant as previous posters have said.

Maybe this friendship has had its day.

Buy her wine 🍷 or infact just stop.
Maybe your friend just has her own little thing with her daughter and actually it’s nice. A little ritual that they share. In the other hand, friends often buy me stuff that I just don’t want … potions and lotions of weird and wonderful fragrances that are to me… just clutter… of course I would never say anything unkind, but perhaps your friend can preempt your type of gift and uses it up by giving to her daughter. Thing is if her daughter is happy by a gift you gave, the gift was a success wasn’t it ??

Let it go this time, but next year say Please open this now, I'm so much hoping that you like it.

Don't wrap the next one.

It's weird but come on, it was a pair of socks.

Next time get her a dildo.

Maybe just hand her the gift unwrapped next time 😆 Or, perhaps in a supermarket bag. Don't tell her it's her present until she looks in the bag. Then say, "Oh yeah, that's your birthday gift, by the way". That way you can see her face when she looks in the bag.

Think yourself lucky you got a thank you! This year I have bought (good quality) gifts for my sibling, their spouse, and two kids’ birthdays. Didn’t even get a thank you!! I just had a significant birthday and got a half arsed text off my sibling, not even a card!

It’s just a mother daughter bonding thing they’ve come up with. Daughter will outgrow this soon and mom will be sad that daughter is growing up. We like to keep them babies for as long as possible. Don’t worry about this.

Rude. What is she teaching her daughter about other people getting gifts? I'm with you on this one OP.

Once a gift is given it’s given - it’s no longer yours to dictate terms. Watching her daughter unwrap it gives your friend an additional level of pleasure - why deny her that?

To be honest, I don't think the daughter is interested in the gift as such. I just think it's the unwrapping of the present. The surprise and anticipation factor.

Once you have gifted, it’s upto your friend what she does with it and I have no idea why it would bother you that her daughter opens it unless you have bought her a vibrator 🤷🏼‍♀️

😂

From the title I had wondered if the present was something wildly inappropriate for a child to open like a dildo or anal beads

But it's fuzzy socks. If this is how mum wants her gifts opening for the foreseeable future than no harm to let her

You're being silly

A little six year old enjoys opening gifts../that's cute

Also, yabu for buying someone fuzzy socks for their birthday