Gave my friend a birthday gift. She let her child open it.

[PlaygroundSusie]

So, this actually happens every year. I have a good friend of many years, and we exchange small gifts on our birthdays. Nothing lavish or particularly exciting - think fairly generic items for grown-up ladies such as: nice teas, coffee, bath salts, scented candles, etc.

My friend has a daughter, and ever since she (the daughter) was old enough to unwrap gifts, my friend always immediately hands her own birthday gifts over to her daughter to unwrap. Of course, the daughter swoops on them, much like a seagull after a chip, and rips them open with glee!

It was my friend's birthday last week, and this time I managed to see her during the daytime when her daughter was at school. I wished her happy birthday, and handed over my gift. However, rather than open the gift herself, my friend thanked me and said "Do you mind if I wait until [Daughter] comes home from school, so that she can open it? [Daughter] just loves unwrapping presents!"

Reader, I DID mind! I'd bought and wrapped the gift for my friend to open, rather than her daughter! But I couldn't think of a way to say that without sounding precious. Later than evening, my friend texted me, thanking me for the gift (a pair of adult-sized fuzzy socks) and mentioned how much her daughter enjoyed opening it.

I don't know why, but this just rubbed me up the wrong way. I can understand allowing a young toddler to 'help' open a present that's been given to an adult, but my friend's daughter is six! Surely that's old enough to appreciate the concept that she gets to open presents on her birthday, and her mum gets to open presents on her mum's birthday?

(And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this is ridiculously small, and I have no intention of saying anything to my friend. But I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?).

It's a bit strange but your present only socks not exactly personal so I couldn't get so wound up by it.

"Oh, I was looking forward to seeing you open it!" Smile and wait expectantly.....

The daughter wasn't even there so it's not like she would even know she was "missing out"

This would be really embarrassing, don't say anything like this!

I think this is a non-issue.

Is this a good friend? If so, just put it down to a small foible and let it go. I can't see the harm at all.

You sound like a fussy person OP.

I once bought mil some nice lip balms (as well as other bits) and she gave them to her dgd to open (sil’s daughter) and allowed her to unwrap and then open the actual lip balms and use them. Have never bought her anything since (dh has to).

It’s not conditions, it’s courtesy. As an analogy, if someone goes to the trouble to cook you a special meal, the giving ends with them serving you the meal - but it would be extremely rude not to think of the giver and not to make appreciative comments while eating the meal. Someone then saying they didn’t want to do that “because the giving of the meal ended the moment it was served and it was now their meal would be rude.

All these people saying the friend is only using her daughter as an excuse because she doesn’t like opening presents in front of people are making no sense because normally she lets the child open it in front of her and the OP and has to make some reaction then anyway, despite not unwrapping it. The truth is more likely that she’s spoiling her child and failing to teach her that other people matter to and she can’t have everything she wants.

Maybe she doesn't actually like opening gifts in front of other people. It can be a bit performative. You have to the whole "that's lovely thing" even before you've had time to think of how much you like (or otherwise) the gift.

I would just get over it: this is what she does, none of us are perfect, she has probably a lot of other positive points - and i am sure she puts up with some of your foibles too!

My friend does the same with her grandson, one year he just dived in when she wasn't in the room and unwrapped everything in one go and she had no idea who had bought which gift.

😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

The kid sounds like an entitled madam.

This sounds like an only child, a creepy ''mini me''.

Well, she shouldn't blame her child in that case. There is nothing worse than parents trying to pass off their own failings as their children's fault.

I would be silently irritated by that. The gift is from you to her, not her DD. OK maybe if you'd given her several things and she let DD open one. But as PP have said, she's putting her DDs enjoyment over yours.

This seems like such an inconsequential thing to find bothersome. You seem to see the child opening the present as taking something away from your friend or from your relationship with your friend. Is she otherwise obsessed with her DC and this is just one more example, to you, of how she fails to give your friendship the attention it deserves?

She probably gets as much pleasure from watching her child’s happiness and glee opening the present as she does from the token gift. Which isn’t to say the token gift is poor, just that most parents love seeing their kids have fun.

So unless this is just one aspect of a much bigger issue, YABU, and a bit miserable about the kid.

Similar experience - bought work colleague some special chocolates I know she really likes, next day she told me she'd given them to her teenage grandchildren as "they like them". Then I bought her some pretty (and expensive) decorated writing paper and she used it in work, to save the bother getting a 50p notebook from the stationery order. This year I got her something for £3 when I was doing my supermarket shopping - lessons learned.

This OP.

Imagine being bothered because you are robbed of watching your ADULT friend unwrap a gift

She texted to say thank you, which is a lot more than some people do these days, if posts on here are anything to go by

I would let it go.

Just get her a gift voucher or spa voucher next time. Opening an envelope isn’t nearly as exciting as opening a parcel.

It's a bit weird, but I wouldn't be offended by it tbh... Gift bags are a good suggestion

Me too! Not surprised the friendship is no more.

It would annoy me too but I don’t think I would say anything. Who teaches their 6 year old that they get to open other people’s gifts though? It’s as bad as kids blowing out others birthday candles.

It isn't great parenting, but how does that affect op? Genuinely asking as I don't understand the upset.

Not op's present and not her dc, so not sure why she would be offended. Itcwas also just a pair of socks, so not sure she was looking forward to an emotional reaction or anything. Truly don't get this one

It was fluffy socks or nice tea, it's hard to get excited about those things tbh. They hardly warrant outbursts of joy and gratitude.

You must be a delight on Christmas Day 😂

I'm a delight every day.