Gave my friend a birthday gift. She let her child open it.

[PlaygroundSusie]

So, this actually happens every year. I have a good friend of many years, and we exchange small gifts on our birthdays. Nothing lavish or particularly exciting - think fairly generic items for grown-up ladies such as: nice teas, coffee, bath salts, scented candles, etc.

My friend has a daughter, and ever since she (the daughter) was old enough to unwrap gifts, my friend always immediately hands her own birthday gifts over to her daughter to unwrap. Of course, the daughter swoops on them, much like a seagull after a chip, and rips them open with glee!

It was my friend's birthday last week, and this time I managed to see her during the daytime when her daughter was at school. I wished her happy birthday, and handed over my gift. However, rather than open the gift herself, my friend thanked me and said "Do you mind if I wait until [Daughter] comes home from school, so that she can open it? [Daughter] just loves unwrapping presents!"

Reader, I DID mind! I'd bought and wrapped the gift for my friend to open, rather than her daughter! But I couldn't think of a way to say that without sounding precious. Later than evening, my friend texted me, thanking me for the gift (a pair of adult-sized fuzzy socks) and mentioned how much her daughter enjoyed opening it.

I don't know why, but this just rubbed me up the wrong way. I can understand allowing a young toddler to 'help' open a present that's been given to an adult, but my friend's daughter is six! Surely that's old enough to appreciate the concept that she gets to open presents on her birthday, and her mum gets to open presents on her mum's birthday?

(And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this is ridiculously small, and I have no intention of saying anything to my friend. But I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?).

I think the point of a present is to make the receiver happy. Your friend is happy when her daughter opens her presents. Mission accomplished.

Or were you really looking forward to seeing your friend's excitement when she opens the present and finds a pair of socks?😉

This would bring it to a whole other level of awkward.....

🤣

Personally I'd want to see my friend open the present there and then so I could see the potential delight? Like I've put thought into it, i want to see her open it.......

I love my children. But I'm not sharing the present opening cos I love it too!

Haha - 100%

I'm so confused.
You don't like your friend letting her dd open gifts that are meant for your friend.
She asked you if you were ok with her waiting and letting the little one do it, and instead of saying, I'd love to see you open one too, you said it was fine
Then get mad enough to post about it, when you totally had the opportunity to speak up ,handed to you on a plate, and still didn't!?!?
What the heck?
And then you say she's a martyr?
Pot meet kettle!

What gifts does she get you? I'd find ways of avoiding having to make a pleased and delighted face at yet another generic gift too.
I get people like giving gifts, but it's so uncomfortable to recieve something I already have if it's not something I want. I'm a grow up, I have bed socks I like, teabags I like, soap I like etc. I don't need another trip to the charity shop.

Next time say "Aww no, open now please. I want to see you open it. Go-ahead and rewrap it for her afterwards if you want."

Don't come here with your perfectly logical suggestions.... obviously the right thing to do is lie to your friend when she asks "do you mind if I don't open it now" and then create a thread bashing her decision with a load of strangers on an Internet forum. Talking logically and being honest is the work of Satan. We don't do that here on mumsnet because if we did, 80% of the threads on here would never have been made!

What a strange thing to get worked up about. You bought her fluffy socks ffs. What did you expect her reaction to be that you’d be desperate to see it in person?

Eh? I thought you meant she gave the present to the child (which would be rude). But she's literally just letting her child unwrap it. What's wrong with that?

YABU in my opinion. Honestly I can't see the issue. Some children have weird quirks like this! (one of mine used to enjoy picking the post up off the mat when it was delivered, so we'd wait and not pick it up til he came home from nursery or whatever!...)

I think you should chill a bit!!

Which is why so many posters get mortally offended by the ‘condescending’ phrase ‘Use your words’. Which is in many cases the most appropriate device.

I appreciate some people are blindsided by an unexpected situation, but significant numbers of Mners appear to feel that the appropriate action is to simmer with unexpressed fury and then post on here to complain about a situation they’ve given the impression they’re fine with, because the other person ‘should have known’.

I would feel mildly put out OP so I’m with yo in on that but couldn’t feel particularly worked up about it

You don’t give gifts just to have the pleasure of seeing people coo over the candle you’ve bought them though, do you?

Really getting upset about this is just getting upset for the sake of it.

I really can’t see the issue

your friend will still appreciate the gift

You give gifts to please the recipient; most people give some thought and time to choosing something they'd like. Of course you want to see pleasure when it's opened - not necessarily raptures but a smile and words of appreciation.

She bought her friend socks. What time and thought went into that? And her friend did thank her later, when the incredible socks had been opened.

Happy 40th!!!! Here’s to a great Christmas and New Year! X

next year buy her a vibrator

Next time add some saucy knickers or such, and warn her it’s unsuitable for children 😂

Not quite what I was going to say, but same sort of shape.

I would have no problem at all with this. You give someone a present, it is then theirs to do what they like with, including letting their children open it. I think it is a bit unhealthy to have so much emotionally invested in exactly how she opens it. She saw the present in the end and thanked you for it - that would be enough for me.