Gave my friend a birthday gift. She let her child open it.

[PlaygroundSusie]

So, this actually happens every year. I have a good friend of many years, and we exchange small gifts on our birthdays. Nothing lavish or particularly exciting - think fairly generic items for grown-up ladies such as: nice teas, coffee, bath salts, scented candles, etc.

My friend has a daughter, and ever since she (the daughter) was old enough to unwrap gifts, my friend always immediately hands her own birthday gifts over to her daughter to unwrap. Of course, the daughter swoops on them, much like a seagull after a chip, and rips them open with glee!

It was my friend's birthday last week, and this time I managed to see her during the daytime when her daughter was at school. I wished her happy birthday, and handed over my gift. However, rather than open the gift herself, my friend thanked me and said "Do you mind if I wait until [Daughter] comes home from school, so that she can open it? [Daughter] just loves unwrapping presents!"

Reader, I DID mind! I'd bought and wrapped the gift for my friend to open, rather than her daughter! But I couldn't think of a way to say that without sounding precious. Later than evening, my friend texted me, thanking me for the gift (a pair of adult-sized fuzzy socks) and mentioned how much her daughter enjoyed opening it.

I don't know why, but this just rubbed me up the wrong way. I can understand allowing a young toddler to 'help' open a present that's been given to an adult, but my friend's daughter is six! Surely that's old enough to appreciate the concept that she gets to open presents on her birthday, and her mum gets to open presents on her mum's birthday?

(And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this is ridiculously small, and I have no intention of saying anything to my friend. But I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?).

Once you've handed over a gift you have to let it go!

One of my sibs used to do this. It grated a bit. Especially when the DCs would open something and declare it "boring" 🙄🤣

Doesnt happen now they're adults. But thinking about pps who've said they find present opening awkward, this sib I think might be a bit like that. So I guess cut some slack?

and the recipient has to open it- not ask someone else to do it.

The real issue here is she doesn’t like the attention being on her when she unwraps gifts - I hate it too…! It gives me full on butterflies

I really can’t articulate why but we have a situation a bit like this in our family and it rubs me up the wrong way too. I know as an adult I shouldn’t care about it but there’s something a bit Verucca Salt-esque about kids who don’t understand the concept of other people’s gifts and birthdays and I do wonder how they manage at friends parties.

Also you go to the effort for your friend not her DD so I see that would be annoying but I don’t think you can do anything about it.

I’ve always let my DD unwrap my presents.

For me, the gift is more important than the wrapping but for kids the unwrapping is the best part.

It’s not something that is expected though.
She doesn’t assume that she gets to open my presents and doesn’t ask to.

I definitely wouldn’t wait until she got home to do it.

If I was you, I would have asked that she opened it when you gave it to her.

Christ on a bike, British people are obsessed with anything and everything being RUDE.

If you give someone a gift and your main consideration is of your own pleasure at watching them open it, dont give gifts. You aren't actually the centre of the universe.

Sounds a bit petty to me, but if you’re that bothered - next time get her a dildo. I suspect that will bring an end to it.

What a load of old bollocks! You've entirely conjured this child from nothing, with no basis in fact.

Vibrator?

I’ve never done this myself, but I genuinely don’t understand why it would bother anyone

It’s probably not worth getting het up over, but I get your point that it is a gift for your friend and you would have liked to have been there when she opened it, and the point is it’s a treat for her to open.
but I guess as soon as a gift leaves your hand it’s up to the recipient as to what they do with it…

Or a Tesco bag, don't over-stress the dear child.

Well that's easily solved, whatever you buy her next year just don't wrap it! Hand it to her as is, Happy Birthday friend, sorry I didn't have time to wrap this! Job done.

FWIW OP it would irritate me as well, it is simply good manners to open a gift in front of the giver - if it's that much of an obsession with her for the child to do it she should re wrap any gift for the child to re open later but basic decency to 'enjoy' the gift with the giver.

Reading MN I often think British people come from another planet except I know they are as average as the rest of us in real life LOL.

A gift is given for someone else's pleasure. Not your own. If the person receiving the gift wants their child to open it, it's none of your business.

Simple and no drama.

I think it’s fine for her to allow her Dd to open them when she’s actually there, although, yes, she is old enough to understand that it’s her mums gift to open. I’d eye roll at her actually taking it home for her Dd to unwrap. But at least she messaged to thank you again for the gift. Hopefully the Dd will be out of that phase soon.

I'd find it a little odd, but it wouldn't upset me.

And there are actually quite a number of people who prefer opening gifts when the giver is not present, as they feel stressed about whether their reaction will be judged as sufficiently enthusiastic. So I know people, who routinely open their gifts in my absence- not a problem for me, It's nice if people say thank you- apart from that, I don't have strict expectations.

I love getting presents but I get so self conscious opening them in front of people. Perhaps this is also why your friend let's her child open them?
I love christmas but when it's my turn to open presents I wish people would look away it's almost like being in the spotlight and I personally find it uncomfortable. Just another view on the situation

I wouldn't even register this.
Why does it bother you? It's nothing.

I spent a lot of time picking a beautiful hard back photography book for my sister and wrapped it carefully. She gave it to her daughter to open who then managed to rip the dust cover of the book. Ruined!

You're being a bit precious OP, the gift will still be well received and I love watching my kids happy faces open presents for me! I think it even makes the opening of them more special.

And this is coming from someone who is very hot on manners and setting boundaries for my kids!

While it wouldn't really bother me... I get if the child was there why she would let them open it... my child is 3 (I know that's a little younger) but he enjoys opening things and I'd probably let him open mine.

But if he was at school and I got a gift I'd open it then and there... wouldn't feel the need to wait for him that's what strikes me as a little odd.

I find opening gifts in front of people a little awkward so it could be she does too x

Exactly, not everyone likes opening gifts in front of people. Hate being watched and making sure I look pleased enough. If my kids are there I let them open my presents and feel a lot less awkward. Maybe your friend is the same @PlaygroundSusie. As long as she thanks you after I don’t think it’s rude.

I never considered it rude. I think it’s quite sweet.