Gave my friend a birthday gift. She let her child open it.

[PlaygroundSusie]

So, this actually happens every year. I have a good friend of many years, and we exchange small gifts on our birthdays. Nothing lavish or particularly exciting - think fairly generic items for grown-up ladies such as: nice teas, coffee, bath salts, scented candles, etc.

My friend has a daughter, and ever since she (the daughter) was old enough to unwrap gifts, my friend always immediately hands her own birthday gifts over to her daughter to unwrap. Of course, the daughter swoops on them, much like a seagull after a chip, and rips them open with glee!

It was my friend's birthday last week, and this time I managed to see her during the daytime when her daughter was at school. I wished her happy birthday, and handed over my gift. However, rather than open the gift herself, my friend thanked me and said "Do you mind if I wait until [Daughter] comes home from school, so that she can open it? [Daughter] just loves unwrapping presents!"

Reader, I DID mind! I'd bought and wrapped the gift for my friend to open, rather than her daughter! But I couldn't think of a way to say that without sounding precious. Later than evening, my friend texted me, thanking me for the gift (a pair of adult-sized fuzzy socks) and mentioned how much her daughter enjoyed opening it.

I don't know why, but this just rubbed me up the wrong way. I can understand allowing a young toddler to 'help' open a present that's been given to an adult, but my friend's daughter is six! Surely that's old enough to appreciate the concept that she gets to open presents on her birthday, and her mum gets to open presents on her mum's birthday?

(And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this is ridiculously small, and I have no intention of saying anything to my friend. But I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?).

I think your response is weird. I’m guessing you don’t have children?! As a mum, i wouldn’t even give it another thought. My friend’s children like to ‘sign’ birthday cards ie scribble all over it , and I think that’s cute! It’s nothing to do with being spoilt. Definitely think she doesn’t like opening gifts and you sound like you are only getting something to see her reaction to make yourself feel better. When I receive a gift I always thank the person and put to one side to open later on. I then normally send a photo with said jumper on or drinking the wine or say afterwards how lovely the chocolates were etc . If you got her chocolates for example, would you be mad if she then shared them with her husband or children later on?!?!

Ooh maybe you can do like a Russian doll version of a present . With ever decreasing Amazon boxes all sealed in duct tape. And in the middle have one of their flimsy gift vouchers for £1000 which Verruca Salt will no doubt tear into pieces. But I'm a cow

I think it would be your prerogative as the present giver to smile and say ‘I’d love you to open it now - please?’ Pleadingly, if necessary.

Why do people go on a post to say things like
"Why does that bother you"
"That wouldn't bother me"
"You're weird to be bothered"
"I don't understand why you're bothered" etc

How hard is it to understand that we're all different with differing bothered thresholds!

Just because something doesn't bother you, doesn't mean should be the same for every single person on earth.

OP said she's not intending to mention it to the friend, but just letting off steam, yet a few have told her it's not worth saying anything.... she wasn't going to!

It does sound a bit annoying

Totally agree. It's very othering.

I'm just wondering it this is normal, or if IABU?

People are answering the question the OP asked.

But you said yourself these are nothing special just- just the same old same old bog standard types of gifts so why would it bother you? I mean a pair of socks? That's a bit of a meh gift so I'm not sure why you needed to see her open that? I wouldn't care about this.

OP asked if it's normal for the friend do so, and said she does mind.

Answers would be yes it's normal/not normal.

It's people saying they don't get why she is bothered, when it's clear we're all different and bothered by different things.

You could just as well say why are people inventing their own scenarios, composing angry messages or suggesting vibrators and anal beads as future gifts. The OP did not ask them to do that and as you say said she wasn’t going to do anything.

Here are some reasons people might say they aren’t bothered:

1. Because saying they wouldn’t be bothered is stating that to them it is normal.
2. Because they are stating it might be normal or abnormal but it doesn’t really matter.
3. Because they want a more enriching and nuanced conversation than saying “yes” or “no”
4. Because they want to.
5. Because there are so many responses accusing the recipient and her daughter of all sorts of behaviour that cannot be reasonably inferred and getting quite wound up. Disproportionate anger about non-issues is pretty shocking and it’s sad that there are so many people constantly feeling affronted by so very little. It’s pathetic in the true meaning of the word.

I agree.
Just a rude thing to do and totally puts a child that's not even there in an elevated position to the actual giver of the gift.

I'd just start handing the gifts over in a bag with no wrapping and would also just take the next gift she gave me home to unwrap in my own time

I think saving a gift from someone you are face to face with to open with your child is just a very weird and rude thing to do

😂

🤣🤣🤣

It sounds like an horrifying experience.

So this is general judgement about your friend's parenting, her daughter's behaviour/character and the relationship between mother and daughter.

This. It's very rude. I wouldn't wrap future gifts (if any).

And this made my day: "much like a seagull after a chip"
*
🤣🤣🤣*

It's her present she can let whomever she chooses open it. She thanked for it later. YABU

I think you honestly have to ask yourself if the act of giving a gift is for your benefit or for the benefit of the receiver of the gift?

If it's the latter, then it doesn't matter who opens the gift - especially as they seem to get joy in letting their daughter open the gift.

If it's the former, then your aren't really giving gifts for the right reason and you are being selfish.

I’m assuming you don’t have kids 😂

Does she declare her dd her bestie too?

It would annoy me as well. It says I am not that fussed what is in here I'll just see when my kid opens it. But you need to tell her. Something was bothering me what my oldest friend said. I told her what she'd said, how it had made me feel, what I thought she meant and she explained what she'd had meant and all is fine. She said she was glad I mentioned it as she needs to learn and know stuff like this.

I came here to say buy her sex toys next time but I've been beaten to it 🤣 It wouldn't particularly bother me tbh, although I get your point about spoilt entitled kids.

is it that much of an issue? Does she thank you, does she enjoy the gift, does she send you a gift, is she a good friend? If so what difference does it make if her child opens it?

A gift is a gift, if you have rules then maybe the gift is more important to you than the person to whom you are giving it. Lots of people say “ Thank you, I will open it later”.
I do wonder if your gifts are a little disappointing to your friend, by allowing her daughter to open it she may be deflecting her dismay, she is happy because her daughter is happy and noone needs to be embarrassed.

She'll be insisting DD comes to all the dinners, birthdays, hen do's etc because "she's one of the girls" 🙄.