Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

Again not really the point, but why would you want a name that is so well used (even overused perhaps) surely something a wee bit more original would be better?

You have a naming style and he doesn’t like it. If you keep suggesting name in the same faux posh vein, he’s going to keep hating them.

What names does he like?

Why would you want to name your child with a popular name? It's a well known fact that popular names very rapidly become over used and get labelled chavvy.

Has he suggested anything?

I’m with your OH.

In that case, they’re common 😂

Tell him to start suggesting some names of his own.

If he doesn't engage, then when the baby is born just register her with whatever name you like.

Could you buy a name book and go through a letter each evening until you agree on a name?

I disagree women ‘feel more strongly’ about names!

He needs come up with names he likes though-dismissing yours is rather unhelpful!

They are truly terrible names op 🤣 to such an extent that I think you’d kuldip be winding us up.
Sebastian though, is lovely.

I would probably react in the same way as your DH, or I’d laugh in your face because I’d assume you were joking it’s not just about picking out a name you’d love, it’s also about picking out a name that won’t get your child bullied!

As for DH not contributing, that partly depends how far along you are-maybe he thinks it’s too soon. Maybe he’s giving it a lot of consideration.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, OP. It's fine not to like the names you've suggested, but I would expect your DH to then come up with his own suggestions.

@Plum02
I think your name ideas are lovely! Very pretty names.

You and your DH love each other. You are romantic partners and life partners. He looked at you and thought "This is the person I want to have children with".
I think it's rude of him to be rude about the names you like. He could voice his opinion in a different way.

"That name is not really to my taste. I like the name X better".

Just to say I love all your names and only for broken ovaries I would definitely be using at least one of your names.

My advice - don't mention names again. When the baby is born & handed to you, announce her name, you did all the hard work!

Reminds me of my ex husband.

Every name I suggested he didnt like. Literally every single one. But never came up with anything himself. In the end I lost my rag, gave him a name book and said "Here!! Find something you do fucking like" and he said "No, whats wrong with just calling her Susan or Claire?" This was 1997 not 1967!

Called her the name I liked, he sulked but didnt offer up anything else. Left him because this was a symptom of his overall behaviour and he hasnt seen her since she was 3. Again, the name thing showing just how little he cared about her over all.

I love all of your names.

It's not some weird inverted snobbery on his part is it?

I love most of those names, especially Ottilie which I would have used if I'd had a second daughter! He needs to come up with some alternatives and engage a bit more.

Ottilie isn’t unusual at all.

If he doesn’t like your list then he needs to come up with his own.

Annoying that he doesn't like your suggestions....I wonder if you could find a different type of name (yours are all similar, I can understand why if he doesn't like one he doesn't like them all) and see his reaction. You could try a name along the lines of charlotte/Elizabeth and then more like rosie/Annie and other names then see how he reacts. You could get an idea of his taste? I agree at working on it now not waiting until the baby comes, you aren't going to magically agree just because the baby here so an idea would be helpful. Dh also dismissed 99% of my names it was hard work but wr got there in the end! Good luck.

How much "research" is involved? I can't imagine it took much work to come up with these names, especially since they are all very popular where you live. I would try not to stress about it.

I completely understand that it is annoying for him to veto all your choices without offering any of his own. As PPs have suggested, you could each put together a list of 10 or so names. The other person could veto any names they don't like. If he's not even willing to do that, then what does he expect? That you'll just call her Baby X for the rest of her life? He really should be involved in the process, but if he genuinely refuses, then he can't complain if you name her your choice.

I think people should stop passing judgement on OP’s name choices - it’s a personal thing. Her point was her ridiculous husband. Get him to write a list or shut up criticising your choices. You can’t just sit and go ‘no’ and then not offer an alternative.

I agree.

He has no suggestions, then you name her. Doesnt like it? Tough shit, he had his chance to contribute to the discussion.

If you already know 2 Octavias, and several Margots and Ophelias why would you want to name your child the same when there are already so many of them?

Bloody hell. People are so rude on here sometimes.

Op - you have your taste, he has his (though what that is isn't very clear) I do think as you are the one carrying this baby then your suggestions marginally trump his providing your names are not truly awful which they are not.

I think the problem is that they are all the same 'type' of name so if he doesn't like the type, he won't like the name.

That said, he should make some effort to suggest names that he does like and accept that you're annoyed if he doesn't.

I agree with a PP to use an app like Kinder. It takes the emotion out of it. He is not being unreasonable to dislike the names you suggested but he does have to engage with suggesting some.

DH and I both had the 1000 top names in a list and chose a long list each of ones we didn't hate, then looked at any that were on both of our lists. It means that DDs names are not my first choice, and nor are they his first choice but they are names we both agreed on and suit them perfectly now.