Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

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Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

I really like your names but YABU. It needs to be a name you both gel with. You will get there if you both listen and consider.

all of your names are from the same theme which while I like them, if he doesn’t, he won’t be on board with. Perhaps too frilly??

I also really liked Sebastian and DH said NO very firmly so I just had to let go of the names I like that he hated

This. Sorry, but maybe these names just arent his style at all. You have to find something you both love. Did he make any suggestions?

They are hideous and quite trendy do will soon be out of fashion. I assume he prefers more classic names

I think the problem isn’t that he doesn’t like the names, it’s that he’s rude and horrible to you. Is he often like this about other things too?

Are you always so rude Charlene?

App is called KINDER! Ha

What are his suggestions?

I think those are nice names, and I get it is hurtful when they are dismissed out of hand. I admit I'm still a bit upset that when I mentioned my favourite two names and DH immediately blurted out something really dismissive and rude like 'Those are shit!' and honestly neither name was tacky, or weird, or obvious - it seemed a bizarrely strong reaction when 'Nah, those don't do anything for me' would have been a bit more sensitive.

Sorry, I know this is going to be a bit rude... Although I still like Margot, I thought your list in general was a bit like the taste of someone who spent a lot of time on the MN baby names board in 2017. That makes them seem a bit passé, a bit impersonal and suggests they're perhaps, deep down, not that special to you, either? More like you've just picked an aesthetic.

Because the names are also all very posh, it might seem off-putting to your DH, a bit like social climbing?

Find the big office of national statistics spreadsheet with the top 1000 baby names on and look at the 150 - 300 range. There's usually gold there.

It’s only just in the top 100 (I think 98 or something) it’s so unusual enough there won’t be 10 others in the class but it’s becoming more popular so it will be familiar. I don’t think it’s so unusual it’s “trying too hard to be different”. And that’s the most unusual of all the names I suggested so I don’t think any of them are particularly “out there” although I appreciate they might not be everyone’s taste!

FWIW I think that you have a beautiful taste in names.

He’s being a sulky baby.

Well it is relevant because he isn't being difficult or weird about your name choices, given one of them is named after a model of Skoda

I liked similar types of names when I was pregnant. For our eldest son 15 years ago, we eventually agreed on Felix.

We separated when he was 11. My ex had a similar attitude to your partner with regards to the names I suggesting. The thing is, it wasn't just names, he had a negative attitude about a lot of things, and disdain for me and my opinions. Happy ending though, I have 2 amazing kids, and I am the happiest I have ever been on my own, my life dramatically improved since I finished parenting the man child.

Back to your situation, your partners attitude is appalling. He doesn't have to like your choices, but he needs to bring some suggestions to the table and be less rude about names you like.

Here’s a name you might both agree on. Perhaps sort of your taste, but a bit less swirly (can’t think of the right word). Esme.

I do think with the exception of Margot, your names are quite flowery. Is there not a middle ground you could try like Ella instead of Etta? He does need to give a few suggestions of his own though!

Well my DH didn’t like a lot of my suggestions and I did not like a lot of his . There were only a handful we both liked and that made it easier. It also became more clear which was the favourite the closer we got to the birth and we still love the name we finally chose 22 years later.

Why don't you write a list with truly posh names on there, then put on the ones you like and ask him to choose his top three - he might end up picking something from your actual list!

Araminta
Astoria
Capucine
Clementine
Ottilie
Penelope
Allegra
Genevieve
Margot

I think he should try harder to consider your feelings - it’s not hard to say ‘um, it’s nice enough but I’m not sure I could imagine using it’ even if he hates it - there’s no need to be rude, especially when you are heavily pregnant! If you like Etta and Ottilie have you thought of Ettany? We had this on our list but ended up having a boy - I saw it in a baby name book but have never met anybody called it.

Have you not heard of Shakespeare?

I’d give the name talk a break for a while. You still have plenty of time.

Ask him to come up with 3-5 names he likes when the subject comes up again.

Appreciate you aren’t seeking comments on the actual names OP, however it is worth noting they are all very similar in ‘type’ or ‘style’ of name. Therefore your DH probably isn’t being deliberately difficult, it’s more likely he genuinely doesn’t go for this type of name which some people find a bit OTT.

That's so rude. Why don't you share your kids' names so people can slag them off?

We bought a book of names and wrote a list each and whittled it down that way.
Maybe (sadly?) you might need to direct him to think for himself but, hopefully, it will lead to a discussion at least 🤞

The names are one thing, his nasty reaction is a separate issue.

Is this a wind up ? Awful names.