Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

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Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

Your mechanic is probably better off than many on this board, too.

faints in middle class

I like your names but I can also see why your DH doesn’t. Mine wouldn’t. We had a similar issue for our second boy when let’s say I came up with some more unusual choices that he vetoed all but never suggested any back.

My tactic was to keep on at him with loads of names. We had no agreement still when the baby arrived. He was named 3 days later when we finally agreed on a name. It is annoying!

The short form of a name is a diminutive e.g. Jim for James, or Johnny for John (diminutives are not necessarily shorter). A nickname is an addition that means something e.g. Henry Curtmantel for Henry II, suggesting he was short (curtmantel means short cloak) i.e. Henry II was known as 'shorty'. Sometimes it denotes a quality e.g. William the Lion of Scotland, presumably he was/hoped to be brave as a lion. Occasionally it's another name e.g. my FiL (who I never met) was known as 'Jack' but his name was Albert. My previous FiL, whose name was Kantilal, was known by all as Motobhai, meaning 'big brother'.

I would tell him I'm really fed up with his dismissive, lazy attitude. That you are 33 weeks and need to get this sorted as got might not be in the right place to after birth. That he needs to come up with a list of several names to discuss in the next 24 hours. And to stop.being so horrible to his pregnant wife.

You obviously haven't read the Illiad or Agammemnon. (And I have watched Only Fools and Horses).

Yes, my window cleaner is called Theo, my gardener is Hugo and my tree surgeon is Sebastien (with an e) . My doctor is called Dan and our solicitor is Tracy. Go figure.

My Husband added Ragnar to our cats long list of middle names. it works.
The Ineffable Prince Crowley George Grimalkin Ragnar Merkin de Flurken.

we are childfree by choice, and I've recently been referred to have my tubes tied, but in our 24 years together, the discussion has come up. we agreed IF it ever happened, they would have my double barreled surname. husband loves his Moroccan ex work colleagues name of Saber. I don't have strong opinions on boys names. most of them seem a bit dull to me, and that's as good as any.
for a girl, I would want Lyra. husband, big star wars geek would want Organa as a middle name
and Lyra and Leia aren't THAT different/

BUT. unlikely to ever happen, as hopefully one or the other of us will soon be infertile.

I agree, Ragnar works.

Fortunately, I did not give birth to a cat.😁

and Spudulika.

Why Lyra @CrowleyKitten , whats the origin of that?

exactly. suggesting names in the same style of the ones husband clearly dislikes isn't useful. OP needs to be looking at other styles of name until they find one they can agree on. but more of the same isn't going to solve anything.

Phaedra is better, but they'd forever be having it mispronounced or having to spell it.

I think they are lovely classic names , I had this with my DDs names, when she was born the midwife asked her name I said name DH is that what we are calling her I said yes and that was the end of the conversation!

I think I'd just put my foot down. I want your 10 favourite girls names by Saturday or her name is Ottilie. You can't keep shooting down everything I suggest but not contributing any alternatives.

there were FIVE Emmas in my class at Primary school in the 80s. I was always the only Sheena. (Scottish name, but my mum first heard it in the Ramones song, Sheena is a punk rocker, and loved the name.)
I was bullied for a lot of things, but having an unusual name wasn't ever one of them.

Elodie always makes me think of the pondweed we used to do science experiments with at school.

it's funny how some abbreviations work and some don't for different people. my husband is a Richie. I literally cannot see him as a Rick or a Ricky. he's DEFINITELY a Richie. his sisters sometimes call him Dicky or Dikdik (because he's a little dear. boom boom) but Richie is what suits him. Rick or Ricky seem like completely different names.

Cassandra might be a good option. my mum is a Carolyn, and has always gone by Cassy. it's a fancy name, but has a more casual abbreviation.

No, all I can hear is Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine!

That’s the sad reality of living in a country rife with inequality.

Grown ups know that that's almost every country, sorry to burst your bubble of prejudice!

it's an older name than where I first discovered it, but it's the name of the main character in the His Dark Materials trilogy, where I first read it. and I just think it's a beautiful name. I named one of my rats Lyra. (partly because her and her sister Pan, we went to Oxford from Cornwall to collect them, as they were a rare variety} I just think it's such a pretty name.

Thanks. I only asked because I know a Lyra but have never heard of anyone else with that name. She loves her name (as do I, fwiw), but she would only warn that most people just assume it’s Lara with an ‘a’

Those are some pretty marmite seeming names and all are of a similar style. I’m not sure what he is supposed to say to that tbh. If he doesn’t like them, he doesn’t like them.

try making a list together.