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AIBU?

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Original poster

He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

220 replies

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 16:54

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
TheMaskedSingSong · 01/12/2024 16:57

I mean the prank you pulled isn't funny at all but his reaction is a bit extreme..makes me wonder if silent treatment is his way of punishing you. If so. Steer absolutely clear.

BrightYellowStar · 01/12/2024 16:59

Massive red flag.

I'd ditch him. The early stages of a good relationship are not like this.

Hatty65 · 01/12/2024 16:59

It was a bit childish as a joke - but the silent treatment is a deal breaker for me. I don't date immature dickheads who think that's the way to control women.

Have a fucking conversation with me if you have a problem. That's the mature, reasonable way to handle things.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 01/12/2024 17:00

He’s being an arse. Interfering with the intercom is either worth a telling off in its own right or it isn’t. He pissed off that he didn’t get his end away and took it out on his kids. That’s on him.

If he’s also pissed off at you saying he snores, then he needs to get a grip. It might have been a bit insensitive on your part, but ime men who snore badly are usually not minded to do anything about it, so you might be saving yourself years of misery by ending it now!

Original poster
Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:00

TheMaskedSingSong · 01/12/2024 16:57

I mean the prank you pulled isn't funny at all but his reaction is a bit extreme..makes me wonder if silent treatment is his way of punishing you. If so. Steer absolutely clear.

That is exactly what my gut is telling me 😔

I'll own my part though it was childish in hindsight.

Thats the kind of relationship we've had until now, pulling one anothers leg, so it didn't feel that ridiculous iykwim? Lesson learned though.

I would never have said it if I knew he'd end up telling his kids off and I genuinely thought he'd know I'm having him on.

OP posts:
Purreh · 01/12/2024 17:01

Listen to your gut. Look how distraught and second guessing of yourself this has made you. Over a dumb joke.

toomuchfaff · 01/12/2024 17:01

He replies to say he has already told them off. I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

Regardless if you pressed the buzzer on the way past or not, the kids playing with the buzzer and putting it on silent still needed being told off, so you had nothing to apologise for. In all honesty it seems very OTT, and silent treatment? wtf? is he 4? twat behaviour, don't accept it, if he was to FA he can FO...

Pippa12 · 01/12/2024 17:01

It’s just banter, surely! I can’t see anything wrong with your ‘joke’ whatsoever. Why hasn’t he got more information from you before bollocking his kids?

Run. Don’t look back!

FoxtonFoxton · 01/12/2024 17:01

The quotes would be the end for me 🤮. I'd have the biggest ick.
It wasn't a great joke but he's blown it way out of proportion.

WickedlyCharmed · 01/12/2024 17:02

Dad of the year - bollocking his kids because he thought he missed out on a booty call.

That plus the silent treatment. Nah, throw this one back, plenty more fish and all that…

Delorian · 01/12/2024 17:02

Urgh he already sounds exhausting. Passive aggressive sharing of quotes on social media. Is he 13?

toomuchfaff · 01/12/2024 17:02

As for the "just me and the kids from now on" quotes on social media, its screaming massive chav vibes... another red flag!

Megifer · 01/12/2024 17:02

So he bollocks his kids because he thinks they are to blame for not getting a shag? Nice.

He sounds very dramatic, it was a daft joke, no harm done. Red flag op.

Original poster
Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:04

Crossed posts, thank you all. I've been sitting here so confused and felt I could do with some outside perspective and the wisdom of MN.

It's affirming that other people are seeing the red flag I'm seeing.

I'm not going to follow up with any more messages to him now, the last thing I said was that I was sorry for the daft prank so he can either take that or leave it.

The quotes pictures are just childish aren't they? What are we, 15?

OP posts:
ClicketyClickPlusOne · 01/12/2024 17:06

He was right to tell his kids off for fiddling with the intercom and turning it off whether or not you had buzzed. If you hadn't spoken about it he would never have known it was turned off.

He's over reacting and being unreasonable.

Jostuki · 01/12/2024 17:07

He's pissed because he was expecting you to pop in after a night out and give him a blow job.

I'd let him continue his silence and block him and move on.

Londoneye20 · 01/12/2024 17:07

Ditch

Original poster
Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:07

This is what he shared.

It feels a bit rich to be sharing that after having a go at them because he thought they'd hindered him getting his leg over 🤦🏼‍♀️

He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?
OP posts:
AllYearsAround · 01/12/2024 17:08

The kids messed around with the intercom either way though?
Was he telling them off for messing with the intercom, or was he telling them off because he thought they stopped him getting laid?

Onlycoffee · 01/12/2024 17:10

I think he feels stupid because he believed your joke, and he's taking our his embarrassment on you. How dare you make him feel embarrassed and uncomfortable at being embarrassed.

And now he has to cover for his silent treatment and pretend he's dad of the year.

Red flags everywhere, bin!

toomuchfaff · 01/12/2024 17:10

If he wants to be a child tell him to FOCUS
Fuck Off Coz Ur Stupud...

Remember that from the playground. Still makes me giggle and I'm 50.

Ditch

Original poster
Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:10

The kids must have put the intercom on silent mode as he was adamant that he hadn't.

No idea if he was annoyed at them for messing about with it in general or because he thought the fact cost him a shag. I suspect the latter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 17:12

Onlycoffee · 01/12/2024 17:10

I think he feels stupid because he believed your joke, and he's taking our his embarrassment on you. How dare you make him feel embarrassed and uncomfortable at being embarrassed.

And now he has to cover for his silent treatment and pretend he's dad of the year.

Red flags everywhere, bin!

Absolutely agree, I was just thinking exactly the same thing. He feels embarrassed and this is him lashing out about that.

I have an ex who was very similar in the sense that he couldn't stand the idea of anybody laughing about him or making fun of him, even if that's not what was going on, and was always hyper sensitive to perceived criticism or people taking the piss. He was a royal headache and I don't fancy that again.

OP posts:
FOJN · 01/12/2024 17:13

Telling your kids off because you think they stopped you getting sex is really unattractive, as if the passive aggressive messaging.

If the screenshot you've shared is the last message you received I'd just tell him you'll leave him to it.

He sounds like a pita, ditch him.

PrettyPines · 01/12/2024 17:13

It's a bit weird of him to be so angry at his children because he thought he missed out on getting laid.
He's probably feeling guilty about upsetting them and taking it out on you. I wouldn't say it's a good thing that he can't admit to his own failings.
My friend's father is similar and any mistake he makes or negative feeling he experiences must be someone else's fault, I wouldn't say he's the type of person I'd want to be in a relationship with.