He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

[Catsforeva]

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

@skibidimom they're also obsessed with Tom Hardy and have French bulldogs

😂😂😂

I love that he's now squirming after trying to upset you with the silent treatment! 😂

His 'just me and the kids from now on 💅' move was absolutely pathetic! I'd get the ick so hard 🤢

@5475878237NC No, I wouldn't find inviting a woman youve been seeing for 2 months round to your house in the middle of the night to shag when your children could potentially hear, or potentially meet this random woman going to the bathroom in the middle of the night 'normal'. There is nothing 'normal' about that behaviour imo.

I think it's possible, for sure, but think this example is not it. if you have an argument via text in the morning, it's not weird or controlling to then leave texting for the day – I'd say that's expected. Especially when you've only been seeing each other two months.

The OP is interpreting the memes to be about her – they could really be about anything.

He's got himself so worked up about this he's already insinuating you've been off and found other men at your night out! He didn't think that when he was inviting you for the booty call from the same night.

I'd say brace yourself for a view of his true self. What a tosser.

I haven’t read every message on here but the silent treatment is pretty pathetic regardless of the joke. Real playground nonsense. You’re better off without it.

I just couldn't be arsed with such childishness. Asking if you got new numbers is fishing for a response. PLEASE tell me you won't reply. Just block him and move on. It's not worth the waste of time or effort waiting to see if he responds or going backwards and forwards with passive aggressive social media posts. It's a bloke you've been seeing a few months who you don't want to see anymore. There is zero point conversing any further.

Don't feel bad about your joke btw.
We all make a bad joke sometimes, but you shouldn't be shamed for it.

I had a similar situation once and felt awful about my joke for ages, thinking I was maybe a terrible person (I also got the silent treatment). But actually it wasn't really that bad, it was just something blurted out, which to some was maybe not a great joke, but it was very obvious it was meant as a joke, not serious. Just because it wasn't that funny, doesn't mean either me or you should be self conscious or feel shame for having tried to be funny and it just didn't land this time. A normal person, even if they didn't like it, would just accept an apology and move on.
Not giving you silent treatment for ages and trying to shame you.

Just wanted to point this out as it sounds like you're now overthinking having made a joke that didn't land well and maybe it was out of order, and that makes me sad as it reminds me of how affected I was by a similar situation. And it's not right.

Even if you were able to overlook what had already happened him "asking if I got any new numbers" because you went out is another red flag! Insecure / jealous. Just block him and move on. You can't reason with idiots like this.

To be fair op you are also playing games and posting shit online pretending to be out with friends and stuff to piss him off.. Why?

You have kids and you're a grown adult, just block his was and move on, instead of sat watching his online activity and counting hours between messages etc.

I meant block his ass - can't edit my post

Asking if you got new numbers @Catsforeva ? He must think you can’t be without a man. I’d be tempted to say “not likely, the experience with your nonsense over the last couple of days has shown me being on my own is a far better option”

Quite! I missed it was 2 months I thought it was 12 months.

OP I don't really understand why you're behaving in the same way that you (and we!) all thought was really immature and inappropriate on social media.

Because what's good for the goose is good for the gander!!, why shouldn't she dish it out , after all stupid BF started this , so yes let op play him at his own game, play away op he will be besides himself, playing games it is, bring it on, divvy getting what he deserves, op's done nothing wrong but flicked it over so she has control, stupid boy now questioning if she got any numbers while out,
Well he's a keeper (not),

They've been going out for 2 months

I wouldn't expect a new partner(girlfriend) to have been near the kids at this stage

Time to block now.

if you want to be polite, a very short text saying ' it isn't working for you any more, good luck in the future '- but even that is too long !

and

move on

Yes - I know.

i just meant that if his story was true ( which let’s face it - is probably bollocks), then the kids having turned his buzzer to silent would’ve been a problem.

I’m not suggesting the kids deserved to be shouted or reprimanded- just that there was zero reason for him to be angry at OP.

she didn’t accuse the kids of anything. He did.

Doesn't look good, does it. You made a joke that was completely reasonable since you don't usual stay with him when he has his kids. There's no reason for him to respond like this.
Maybe he'll get in touch saying he's over reacted and apologise. If not, it's hard to come back from.

Oh gawd I used to be married to someone like this who employed the silent treatment as a method of control. The red flags were there all along. Believe me it gets worse! Run away you really don’t need this kind of s**t in your life!