He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

[Catsforeva]

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

Match his energy op - don't reply for 28 hours🤣

Lol. These are fantastic!

I haven't replied but I have posted a story of me out to lunch with friends, supremely unbothered 😂

😂

The lunch clip was from months ago but he needn't know that eh 🤣

He watched my story and has just sent a follow up text asking if I got any new numbers at the event, I assume he means men.

Given how quickly he viewed the video he must be checking for updates frequently.

He has driven himself up the wall hasn't he. What a tit.

Let him,

OP can I just say how much I'm admiring how you've handled this. And of course he is now thinking that you must have been busy getting other guy's numbers, no other poooossible reason you didn't jump at the chance to service his needs when you've been out enjoying yourself.

I had an ex like this and he turned out to be a raging narc and control freak. Ditch him, two months in and he's already proving himself. The Facebook memes are just the worst, imagine yourself in deeper, six months, a year. It'll be just the same, but you'll be overthinking yourself and apologising over and over again for stuff that's not your fault. Bite the bullet, call his bluff and block him everywhere.

It might just be me (it often is 🙄) but I think the door bell is red herring. There are three options to let him know you're there. Door bell, call or text.

If we take this at face value:

-He thought he'd missed a shag because the doorbell was switched off by his children.
-He must therefore also have believed that you only tried the door bell, when you could have also text/called before giving up and leaving.

Out of interest OP, did he ask you why you hadn't tried to text or call when he didn't answer the door bell? I would have.

This is what makes me think the silent mode and scolded children could be BS. If he initially believed OP, did he not think it was strange that she only tried the door bell? Which is also the most risky for waking the children?

I think the door bell was fine and he knew you hadn't been round. I also think the prank text was an opportunity to punish you indirectly and he jumped on it.

I hope that makes sense. I tried to articulate this yesterday for my main post but I couldn't get it to make sense. I do realise that my long post doesn't state why I think it could be BS, so I thought it was worth trying to add this in.

I think the pp saying they have the same doorbell and it cancels do not disturb after 8 hours is pretty supportive of that possibility too!

Oh not the 'just me and my kids' quotes.

Does he have a grey velour sofa with a mirrored live, laugh, love wall ornament?

I don't really think he was giving you the classic silent treatment – you weren't with each other and it's just texting. I think if he's very annoyed at you then he's allowed to take the day to cool off a bit, and presumably he's at work and getting on with this. 'Silent treatment' is when you actively cold shoulder or ignore someone you are physically with.

I'd have been annoyed at your 'joke' too. If a guy said that to me, I wouldn't be very impressed, especially at two months together, and would be mulling things over.

My ex used to ignore me, but post on fb and insta passive aggressive crap meant for me. Made me howl that in the one hand he was ignoring me but the other posting crap for my attention. Needless to say it didn't last long. Huge red flag that if you don't respond he tries other avenues to get your attention. He sounds like an emotionally immature dick.

Sharing the quotes like that is giving me huge vicarious ick. Toes curling in horror…

Sounds like he posts Peaky Blinders memes with made-up quotes about masculinity on Facebook. Does he have a lion, rose and clock tattoo?

he doesnt sound worth it

Photoshop your face into some selfies with hot men and share those to your story 😂

Yes, I saw that post. The sad thing is, many genuine and honest people would accept that as proof, when it actually proves nothing. When you have witnessed scheming, sly pricks you tend to look at things a little more closely. Sometimes that's to your detriment unfortunately.

I don't know where these men we've encountered come from. Maybe they grow them in a vat in some military facility and give them a handbook for how to navigate life? There's a lot of people who seem to pull similar stunts. How many times have you seen on a thread something like,

''Oh I think you're dating my ex, are his initials, BD?''
''Sounds like my ex, do you live in the midlands'' etc

It's crazy how the same stuff plays out over and over.

And he invites you round for sex when his children are there?

He's a full time parent to one child. How is he supposed to have sex? Surely that is normal to have sex with your partner whilst your children are asleep in another room? That's the only thing that seems normal to me about his behaviour.

This was in reply to napody

that's a bit of an escalation on his part? So he ignores you for 24 hours, and then sends passive aggressive coments about other men?

Yeah, good thing you're throwing this one back. Ick.

I think it's possible to give someone the silent treatment over text. If someone is a frequent texter but they suddenly stop or adjust their tone it's sending a clear message. Especially when he's posting cringey pass agg memes for the benefit of the op too.

You could argue that people giving the silent treatment in real life is also a means of them cooling down and mulling things over but we all really know it's a method of control.

Op you are handling this beautifully.

This is a sub section of society I never knew was a thing but it definitely exists 😂