He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

[Catsforeva]

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

Lot of overreaction to overreaction being suggested on here, including those talking about maturity whilst taking the time to lengthen their sentences with expletives.

Might be that the guy's feeling a bit run-ragged and couldn't find anything better to say than what was in the meme he sent?

Might even be that there are a some guys out there who've had a lucky break when certain ones on here did what they're advocating you do and ran for the hills at the first sign of a fault?

This. Or it's hurt his ego that he fell for your joke.

It's fine that he told his kids off for putting the intercom on silent. He was probably extra ratty with them because he thought it'd cost him a shag- that is indeed on him!

I know he wasn't annoyed at OP. I feel uncomfortable about people who get angry generally when they think they're going to have sex and then don't. It doesn't have to be aimed at any person. Of course nobody was entitled to it but OP said:

"He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift."

So obviously he did assume he had missed out on sex and from reading the post it seems to me (and many other posters) that it's why was annoyed. I don't believe he would have been quite as annoyed at his kids if he didn't think he missed out on sex as a consequence of what they did. His posted quote indicates he likely overreacted when telling them off and felt guilty.

I feel like you're really invested in this and arguing with everyone who would be put off by his behaviour. We all value different things and are attracted to/turned off by different behaviours in a partner. Evidently he is put off OP because of her behaviour, so everyone is a winner here right?

He is, silent treatment is never reasonable.

I was seeing a bloke once who I knew through mutual friends. Very early on I sent a drunk message and called him "boring" for not wanting to join me on my night out. The next day he completely blew it up. I apologised and expected him to move on but he didn't, he continued blowing up and then went silent. I didn't message him at all, but I think he wanted me to beg and plead for his forgiveness so that he would be control, and my job would be to make it up to him.

A couple of weeks later he got back in touch out of the blue to apologise. I said I was sorry too (even though I had already apologised, I thought it was the polite thing to do). He instantly turned it back on me "oh it's just such a shame you did what you did, I was really interested, really wanted it to work out" etc. He was baiting me again, and presumably wanted me to say "oh it still can!" etc. All the while he was still telling our mutual friends he thought it would all work out and we'd be together.

I didn't play into any of it. Anyone who uses silent treatment as a punishment is manipulating you and is not an effective communicator. I now know that he is physically abusing his current partner and have since found out that he's abused every girlfriend he's ever had.

He sounds like the sort of prissy male whingebag who would be constantly pouting and stropping about nothing. Get rid of him now before you end up with your teeth ground down to stumps.

I really admire you for not taking the bait, good on you. Genuinely.

What a horrible POS he sounds like.

Bullet dodged!

Not the kind of Dad anyone wants for their kids
so he was happy to let you come over for a booty call , whilst the kids were staying
he sounds like a dick
red flag
you can do better, respect is the only thing

He sounds like a twat.
Certainly not someone you would want around your children.
Listen to your gut, its working well.
He's a tosser.
But let it play out.

This. A thousand times. This.

Men like this don't think the same way we do. They use anything against you. Many of us speak from experience.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion.
Yep. That's the desired outcome.

I'm so annoyed" i.e. annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.
The children didn't scupper the shag and he knows it. He's annoyed with you for not answering the bootie call. He was probably waiting up like a chump for the shag that never came (pardon the pun😀). The prank text was a golden opportunity to showcase some new (and worse) behaviours.

Well done for spotting it so early in the game. You didn't go. You said no. He doesn't like that. Now you're being punished. This is what would happen going forward when you say no to other things.

He sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode).
That's easily staged for a photo. If children can put it on silent, then so can he.

He replies to say he has already told them off.
Has he though? You don't know them. He could tell you anything and you can't check it. You unwittingly planted the seed by asking him not to tell them off. He turned that back on you and used it to make you feel bad. Innocent children were punished and it's all your fault. He is punishing you by proxy though his children.

Has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him.
No it isn't uncharacteristic of him. You just haven't seen this behaviour before. The mask slips a few months in. If he did this on your first date, there'd be no second one. The man you thought he was doesn't exist. Does he give his boss the silent treatment or just people he knows he can abuse?

This shit was how it started for me. I was in your shoes many years ago. It was early December. I made the mistake of thinking that I couldn't leave right before Xmas. Of course he spoiled it at every opportunity.

Please don't hang on to see if you were right. You are. Get your trainers on and run as far away from this man as you can.

OP, I wish you well for the rest of 2024 and a happy, prosperous 2025. ❤😁

Bloody hell I think you might be right you know. He could, and probably has, said whatever BS he wants knowing I have no way knowing whether it's true or not.

I actually did feel terrible about his DC being told off but posting here has put paid to that because that's not actually my fault is it?! He's the parent and he decides when and how to reprimand his kids.

He probably is pissed off that I didn't jump at the chance to go round, because looking back through our texts he was strongly hinting at me going round on Friday aswell but I turned it down (no choice, had my DC, as a single parent himself he should understand that)

But two 'rejections' is more than enough to dent somebody's ego if they are that way inclined isn't it?

Yeah.. he probably hasn't told the kids off at all.

Thank you to you and everyone else. This place is a godsend when navigating things like this. You're all fabulous.

A merry Christmas and HNY to all 🙂

The kids had done something wrong though by turning the buzzer to silent…he should be grateful at least the OP brought it up or how long would he be missing out on Amazon deliveries?

He's actually waiting for furniture to be delivered this week so should count himself lucky he found out about it in time before he missed that.

Edited to add - that's if it was really switched off in the first place.

Uugh dump the man baby 🙄 the sharing quote thing would be enough for me, let alone the stroppy teenager sulking!

I'm just laid in bed reading back over these replies and have just burst out laughing.

I'm imagining him typing things into Google image search to bring up the type of passive aggressive meme he was looking for 🤦🏼‍♀️

"Just me and my kids from now on" indeed!

Look you made a joke. He told
His kids off. Unless he went ballistic at them then that in itself is no big deal. (And if he did then that's also on him as it would be a total over reaction even if they had messed with his buzzer).
You've apologised. He can choose to accept that or not, but the mature thing to do would be to communicate that with you either way. Not go silent and start sharing cringey quotes. Thats just sad and would give me the huge ick anyway.

I mean if he tempted st his pony to share some quote saying 'I've over dating a man child'. But that's just me and I'm petty so maybe not.

would say the same about you

daft pranks

what are we 15?

Touche

I agree. People (of either sex) who post about their parenting are manipulative dickheads.

Why would you bother doing this if you weren’t trying to make a childish point. No is interested in your assessment of your “parenting priorities”.

As others have said he’s pissed off that he didn’t get a shag and is randomly blaming you and his kids. Give him a wide berth.

Feeling pretty sad for you and others who appear to have relationships utterly devoid of bants. 🤣

But they hadn’t done that? He just assumed they had because he believed OP when she said she had rung the buzzer when in fact she hadn’t.

Dad of the year - bollocking his kids because he thought he missed out on a booty call.

Yep

No, he sent OP a photo of the intercom and it was on ‘silent’. Someone had fiddled with it ,which is why he told his kids off.

This is the intercom picture.

Wouldn't you notice that red light being on if you're walking past it?