He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

[Catsforeva]

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

Am I the only one thinking perhaps the buzzer hadn’t even been switched to silent and he might not have even had a go at the kids? As some sort of mind game. Or perhaps I’ve been on Mumsnet too long 🤪

I wouldn't put it past him at this stage to be fair.

Or perhaps he put it on silent himself!

If the kids put the intercom on silent and you had gone over, he wouldn’t have heard you ring the intercom so it’s a good thing you didn’t go over. He should be relieved you didn’t waste your time being out in the dark pressing his intercom which would’ve had no response.

But that 'focus' extends to parenting his kids a pathetic 8 days a month?

He has one of them full time and the other at weekends. I was trying to keep it vague 😬

Massive overreaction on his part. It makes me wonder what else he overreacts to.

He sounds shit, anyway, never analyse a man, or accept tedious game playing from them.

It was a joke, a bit of banter, god the world is just gone so serious now, I bet he turned the buzzer to silent himself and sent the picture, like why even send a picture of that, all a bit weird, the silent treatment is torturous I have no time for that shite as well as no sense of humour.

N’ah. I guarantee he didn’t tell them off. He’s only saying that to punish you because you didn’t do as he commanded. Block and move on.

Early on in my relationship my (now ex) gave me the silent treatment for two days over some silly joke about his parking. I wish I’d dumped him there and then but I didn’t and I regret it. Don’t tolerate silent treatment from him.

If he thinks that the silent treatment is going to make me chase him, beg and plead he is mistaken and wasting his time. I'm going to return the favour and treat him exactly how he is treating me, with silence, just without the childish quotes thrown in.

What a silly man he is.

I personally would be really annoyed if my bf said he’d tried buzzing but I must not have heard it.

Honestly that would give me red flags.

If you were telling a joke, then why not say you were just joking at the end?

It took for him to check the intercom and say it must have been his kids for you to admit the truth

Urgh, one of those who can't cope with feeling silly. Block and delete! Genuinely it will not be fun having a relationship with someone so delicate.

Any adult posting stuff like this on social media is an absolute bed wetter. Get rid.

Does anybody say they are joking at the end of their sentence containing the joke?!

I thought he'd know I was having him on.

As soon as it became apparent he was taking it seriously I did tell him straight away.

Why did he want you over for a booty call if his children were there?

This is such a non event, if he reacts like this to something so small. I dread to think what he’s like when hard stuff happens! I also think he’s putting himself into a victim position and you as the one firmly ‘in the wrong’ which is something I fear would become a pattern. You are already questioning your sense of what is reasonable. Throw this one back I think.

They'd have been long asleep by the time I'd got there but even so, it's very unlike him to suggest I go over late at night.

It wasn't an invitation I took seriously as my event finished in the early hours of the morning and he goes to bed by 10ish.

Don't bother waiting for a response to his strop. I'd personally end it with an 'it's not working out' text, block and move on.
I'd never get over the ick from the quotes and the resulting sulking. Luckily, it sounds like you have no ties so easy enough to move on.

I agree with this.

You have had a lucky escape. Please don't stay with someone who gives you the silent treatment.

It will not get better.

SERIOUSLY, bin him.

If he’s punishing you for any reason at this stage it’s the biggest baddest red flag there is.

this is from a long long time life of relationships and getting it wrong with people like him.

he’s on his own for a reason. He’s nasty.

This whole thing sounds off- in a healthy adult relationship you don't need to be texting all the time when you're apart.

If his kids are young enough to play around with an intercom, they're young enough that he shouldn't be having random booty calls late at night when they're staying over.

Combine his lack of parenting with abusive silent treatment and pointed posts on SM and you have 100% ick factor.

You don't say how long you've been seeing him Op but he's already looking for a quick late night shag when his DC are there, he's not thinking about his DC or spending any quality time with you. If he's now giving you the silent treatment that's another mark against him. I'd wave him goodbye

Listen to your gut, OP.
Your text was silly and missed the mark, but it wasn't malicious.
His silent treatment, otoh is.