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Original poster

He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

220 replies

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 16:54

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Zimunya · 02/12/2024 10:08

Hatty65 · 01/12/2024 16:59

It was a bit childish as a joke - but the silent treatment is a deal breaker for me. I don't date immature dickheads who think that's the way to control women.

Have a fucking conversation with me if you have a problem. That's the mature, reasonable way to handle things.

Exactly this. Steer clear, OP.

Sparklfairy · 02/12/2024 10:12

I'd have played the same 'prank' OP. It's just my sense of humour.

What I find weird (if he's telling the truth about telling the kids off) is that if I'd done this as a kid, my parents would have said, 'Don't mess with the intercom, in case we miss deliveries etc.' It wouldn't be a 'telling off' - just a reminder? Maybe even faux-bribery - next time we order a pizza it might not come, all quite light and good natured.

But he overreacted with his kids because he thought they cockblocked him, basically. That is grim, and not the sign of a good father - no matter how many stupid posts he puts on SM.

And now he's punishing you because he fell for it. He feels a bit stupid either way. And he is.

BellissimoGecko · 02/12/2024 10:17

Hatty65 · 01/12/2024 16:59

It was a bit childish as a joke - but the silent treatment is a deal breaker for me. I don't date immature dickheads who think that's the way to control women.

Have a fucking conversation with me if you have a problem. That's the mature, reasonable way to handle things.

Yeah, this. Your silly joke does not deserve this reaction.

BevMaker · 02/12/2024 10:23

Catsforeva · 01/12/2024 16:54

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

The silent treatment … ah yes. Big Red Flag 🚩
Not a very mature way to handle a conflict, imho. X

WaiterTheresAnOtterInMySoup · 02/12/2024 10:39

Catsforeva · 02/12/2024 09:17

Still nothing from him but he is posting to his stories. It's definitely deliberate, he wants me to know he's active and blatantly ignoring me 🙄

Please make sure you’re posting to yours too 🤣

Some very mature options attached, best when posted with a laughing or yawning emoji….🤣

(Yes, I’m mature enough to have spent 5 minutes googling these for an internet stranger.)

He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?
He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?
He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?
He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?
He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?
bluebeck · 02/12/2024 10:39

At this point I might be tempted to just block him on everything.

ItGhoul · 02/12/2024 10:46

Literally everything you've told us about this man would suggest to me that he's not worth the effort, including the fact that he's usually in bed by 10pm

possomblossom · 02/12/2024 10:53

Mix56 · 02/12/2024 10:02

But basically the door bell WAS off, so the kids have/may have been messing with it.
So really on this occasion the issue is the same.
(Not funny joke btw)

The doorbell was off when the photo was taken.... that much we do know. Not much more.

5475878237NC · 02/12/2024 11:02

Regardless of anything else, I would have to end it over how he uses social media as a way to communicate with you (passive aggressively). I wonder if his friends look at his posts and think....had a row with X new woman has he? For a new relationship it's all too much but brilliant to have shown you the flags so early on.

SpringleDingle · 02/12/2024 11:13

NavyPombear · 01/12/2024 22:04

This. A thousand times. This.

Men like this don't think the same way we do. They use anything against you. Many of us speak from experience.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion.
Yep. That's the desired outcome.

I'm so annoyed" i.e. annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.
The children didn't scupper the shag and he knows it. He's annoyed with you for not answering the bootie call. He was probably waiting up like a chump for the shag that never came (pardon the pun😀). The prank text was a golden opportunity to showcase some new (and worse) behaviours.

Well done for spotting it so early in the game. You didn't go. You said no. He doesn't like that. Now you're being punished. This is what would happen going forward when you say no to other things.

He sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode).
That's easily staged for a photo. If children can put it on silent, then so can he.

He replies to say he has already told them off.
Has he though? You don't know them. He could tell you anything and you can't check it. You unwittingly planted the seed by asking him not to tell them off. He turned that back on you and used it to make you feel bad. Innocent children were punished and it's all your fault. He is punishing you by proxy though his children.

Has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him.
No it isn't uncharacteristic of him. You just haven't seen this behaviour before. The mask slips a few months in. If he did this on your first date, there'd be no second one. The man you thought he was doesn't exist. Does he give his boss the silent treatment or just people he knows he can abuse?

This shit was how it started for me. I was in your shoes many years ago. It was early December. I made the mistake of thinking that I couldn't leave right before Xmas. Of course he spoiled it at every opportunity.

Please don't hang on to see if you were right. You are. Get your trainers on and run as far away from this man as you can.

OP, I wish you well for the rest of 2024 and a happy, prosperous 2025. ❤😁

This is exactly right!! I went out with one of these once and there were plenty of examples of this sort of thing that happened before I cotttoned on. I'd betyou will get a text tomorrow saying "hey, how;s it going" with no reference to the argument or the ignoring!

Original poster
Catsforeva · 02/12/2024 11:24

He lasted 27.5 hours, he has just messaged me asking how my night was on Saturday 😂

OP posts:
Omgblueskys · 02/12/2024 11:26

Catsforeva · 02/12/2024 11:24

He lasted 27.5 hours, he has just messaged me asking how my night was on Saturday 😂

Wow!!!, please don't reply yet,

Rosscameasdoody · 02/12/2024 11:27

Catsforeva · 02/12/2024 11:24

He lasted 27.5 hours, he has just messaged me asking how my night was on Saturday 😂

So now you block and ignore !!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/12/2024 11:29

Are you going to reply?

Omgblueskys · 02/12/2024 11:32

Play his game, I would reply tomorrow with, great night thanks, leave it there see wat he comes back with , then block him, 😀

GottaLoveTheGuineas · 02/12/2024 11:32

Catsforeva · 02/12/2024 11:24

He lasted 27.5 hours, he has just messaged me asking how my night was on Saturday 😂

Just read the full thread and now I'm invested! Keep us updated!

Triffid1 · 02/12/2024 11:33

I'm also invested now. But as OP genuinely seems quite relaxed, I feel it's okay. I'm loving her insouciance around the whole thing!

WickedlyCharmed · 02/12/2024 11:34

I’d reply, tomorrow evening, with
👌🏽👍🏼

Dollybantree · 02/12/2024 11:36

He’s being an arse. Interfering with the intercom is either worth a telling off in its own right or it isn’t. He pissed off that he didn’t get his end away and took it out on his kids. That’s on him.

He's childish, passive aggressive and moody. He's also not a good dad - he's one who shouts at his kids bc he's pissed off he didn't get to have a shag with his latest gf (whilst it's his weekend with them too - not good).

Id also get the Ick at the sharing of virtue signally, vomit-inducing posts on SM. Ditch!

Omgblueskys · 02/12/2024 11:40

Loving that he has lost control, op you have it all, play the fool for what he is,

Bellabatwings · 02/12/2024 11:41

How dare he!
so now he’s decided you have been punished enough, he acts like nothing has changed, if you were to question why he has been ignoring you, of course he will act all confused so you start 2nd guessing yourself and the gas lighting will commence!

I would block him and move on, no one needs these “games” in their life!

BobbyBiscuits · 02/12/2024 11:41

It's his fault for snapping at has kids as an immediate reaction to him losing out on a late night booty call. As if you wouldn't just call or text him when you were outside. He should have just laughed it off. Then blanking you and posting not so subtle digs.
I'm focussing on being a father. Well, you weren't when you went bright red with fury and gave your children the hairdryer treatment when you thought you'd been diddled out of shag.
Don't bother speaking to him again.

onwardsup4 · 02/12/2024 11:42

Weird , surely if you had of gone and rang it you would have also text or called.
He's being ridiculous and the posting of quotes on social media to make a point would put me right off.
It was his decision to "tell them off" you didn't make him do that, regardless of your joke.

Daleksatemyshed · 02/12/2024 11:43

And there's your red flag Op. He thinks going sulky and silent is OK, expects you to apologise, it doesn't work so now he's back like nothing happened. I'm sure you can do better Op, there are mature adults available if you look long enough 😂

FreeRider · 02/12/2024 11:53

I have the same intercom, it automatically switches the silent off after 8 hours.

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