He's giving me the silent treatment over a joke, who's unreasonable here?

[Catsforeva]

So the thread is about a guy I've been seeing.

I went to an event last night which lasted until the early hours. He and I were texting a bit and he suggested I come over to his afterwards, if you get my drift.

I thought he was pulling my leg as he has his DC on weekends and doesn't stay up late himself.

Anyway.

I made a silly joke this morning about how I did buzz his apartment on the way past but he must have been snoring so loudly he didn't hear it. A playful jibe at his god awful snoring is what it was intended to be.

It's not funny, I know. I was just being daft.

At this point he sends me a picture of his intercom (which was on silent mode) and says "omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed" IE annoyed that his kids had been fiddling with the intercom and as a result he'd missed out on seeing me.

I immediately responded saying that I was joking and not to tell them off because I hadn't actually come home that way and didn't press his buzzer.

He replies to say he has already told them off.

I feel terrible at this point and apologise, sincerely.

He ignores the message and has been giving me the silent treatment since 8am this morning which is completely uncharacteristic of him as he's a big texter.

He's now sharing quotes which say 'I'm into being a father. That's what I'm focusing on' which is clearly some sort of indirect towards me.

I feel a bit blindsided and confused as to why this has been blown so out of proportion. We are always bantering back and forth. He has been a wind up merchant himself on occasion and I've never reacted like this.

I would really appreciate your perspective. Do you think this is proportionate?

Am I a total dick, is he being one or do we both sound ridiculous?

Thank you. Regular poster/commenter under a name change.

Am I the only one thinking perhaps the buzzer hadn’t even been switched to silent and he might not have even had a go at the kids? As some sort of mind game. Or perhaps I’ve been on Mumsnet too long 🤪

My thoughts exactly.

If that were the case what do you think his motivation would be? It's definitely possible, I'm just wondering what he'd gain from it?

The joke was implied, are people really in need of everything being explained all the time?

We've found the humourless boyfriend! Right here!

The wanky instagram quote is rather funny given that his focus wasn't on his children when he was bollocking them for making him miss out on a shag.

I think if the roles were reversed here then the man would have been accused of gaslighting. It was a fairly shitty joke to play.

He feels guilty for having a go at his kids and knows the real reason he did so.

How was the joke implied?

He invited her around.
She said she went round and buzzed the buzzer but he didn’t answer, so he must not have heard it.

Most people wouldn’t think that was a joke, as a joke is meant to be funny but that wasn’t.

If you invited a man meet you for a drink and he didn’t come but told you he did for a joke, how would you know he was joking without him actually saying it.

What is it with some people playing games and expecting their partner to be a mind reader.

If my bf said he knocked on my door but I didn’t answer, then I would assume he was being serious and not joking.

That’s quite a leap. It’s not like she or he were entitled to sex if she had gone over to his that night. It’s much more likely he was “so annoyed” about the DC messing with the intercom seeing as how that comment came as follows “omg, so sorry. The kids must have pressed the buttons" quickly followed by another message which said "I'm so annoyed"

He had no idea she was lying as some sort of har har jokes on you at that point, so why would he be annoyed at OP?

It’s nigh on impossible to tell if a joke is a joke in a text based message without some sort of emoji or other visual cue.

Me too. It would never enter my mind that it was a lie being passed of as a joke. Who jokes about something like that?

Even OP admits her “joke” wasn’t at all humorous.

It would be a red flag to me that he told off his kids on such small provocation. That’s bad parenting, even without the juvenile silent treatment shit.

Why? A telling off can simply be a hey don’t mess with the intercom. Everyone is imagining this bloke doing some sort of screaming fit by using words like “bollocking”.

I would get rid of him for silent treatment. Huge red flag.

Maybe he is rethinking being with you after the stunt you just pulled.

The obvious thought it that he really did think he'd slept through it (a lot to drink maybe) and thought the silent buzzer story sounded better.

Likely scenario - he wanted a shag. He was disappointed he didn’t get one. You tell him his kids are responsible. He blames them, is angry tells them off. Now you say it was a joke so he has to face the fact he let rip at his kids presumably more angrily than normal over a trivial situation bc he wanted to get his dick wet.

I didn’t saying anything about screaming fits or bollocking. I said ‘telling off’, which is the phrase OP used, and says he used.

A telling off isn’t fair when the children didn’t do anything wrong. A reasonable parent would speak to their kids first and establish what, if anything, actually happened before telling anyone off. Him telling off his kids based on a throwaway comment by his partner is poor parenting in my opinion.

Ugh, he sounds insufferable.

But, what if his next message is full of apologies? Are you going to forgive him?

I hope not!

So he can dish out the jokes but he can’t take them. Throw him back. His focus was on the fact that he thought he’d missed out on a booty call. And if his kids had messed with the intercom they deserved a telling off regardless of whether you buzzed or not. He’s a dick.

Oh behave! ‘Really mean joke’, you sound as hard work as he is.

Bin him, the silly little man child.

I didn't tell him they were responsible though.

He's the one who said that.

He sent a picture of his intercom on 'do not disturb' mode and said he didn't put that on so it must have been them, and that he's annoyed.

I replied immediately, as in within seconds, and said I was only joking about coming, didn't buzz at all so not to tell them off, at which point he said he already had.

I think everything else is spot on though, sounds about right to me.

At this point though you only have his word for it that A) the buzzer was off & B) he really did reprimand his kids.....
Great way to make YOU feel shit for telling a (shit) joke and not showing up for the booty call he seemed to expect!

Exactly!