To want to double barrel DD’s surname?

[FestiveGoat]

ExH and I divorced 6 years ago. When DD was born we gave her our (his) surname. After divorce I reverted to my maiden name. DD is now 8 and I want to change her surname from “ExHName” to “ExHName-MyName”

AIBU?

YANBU but I think you need your ex's permission to do this (assuming he has PR).

ExH does have PR and see DD regularly. He doesn’t want to change DD’s surname and has suggested adding my surname as a middle name instead.

YABU. You gave her a name when she was born. Her circumstances haven't changed, yours have. It's not your name to change.

Yabu. Why do you want to change it? It’s her name. You wanted to revert to your maiden name so you did so why should you dictate that hers should be changed?

He's suggesting this because nobody uses or cares about middle names.

What does she want?

YABU. Her situation is the same.
You don't own her and need to put your mark on her now her dad is no longer with you.

YABU. If having the same name as your dd mattered to you, you shouldn’t have changed your own name back. Don’t make her change her name because of choices you made. Different names wont bother her unless you turn it into an issue.

Yes I’m aware of this.

I agree with this I'm afraid.

How does DD feel about it? I imagine at 8 she'd have an opinion about her name. If she wants to have yours too I'd use this as leverage with your ex.

YABU. This is now your DDs name and you should only change it if she wants this to happen.

DD says she wants to change it. ExH says she only wants this because I’ve brought it up with her. All I’ve done is said it would be nice if she had Mummy and Daddy’s name included in her name and that then she will have the same name as Nanny and Pops (my parents) too. I don’t think I’ve unduly influenced her.

You are being VU

All I’ve done is said it would be nice if she had Mummy and Daddy’s name included in her name and that then she will have the same name as Nanny and Pops (my parents) too.

if you wanted her to have had the same name as your parents you would have had that discussion when she was born…

Sadly her name is her name. If she wants to change it when she's 16 (I think is the age) then that's up to her.

If she’s 8, she’ll be established in school by now and I doubt people would bother referring to her as the new name. She’ll always be known as Rosie Evans. I doubt many people will use for example Rosie Evans-Johnson. And if they do everyone will say ‘Hey Rosie, why has your name changed?’ She’ll have to say ‘My Mum and Dad split up six years ago so now I have both their names’. Seems all a bit unnecessary to me. It’s obvious that you are miffed she still has your ex’s name.

What happens if you remarry and take his name, she’ll literally be the only Evans-Johnson in her family. I’d leave it as it is.

And this is why we should always ensure the mother's name is used.

YANBU

But it was the mother's name at the time. If I was you op, I would have kept my married name so it was the same as my dd's.

As for changing it I absolutely would not. My mum changed my name when I was little. Lost the documents and since there's no official record of name changes it caused a massive pain when I tried to get my marriage license. Not worth it.

All I’ve done is said it would be nice if she had Mummy and Daddy’s name included in her name and that then she will have the same name as Nanny and Pops (my parents) too. I don’t think I’ve unduly influenced her.

Of course her mother saying "wouldn't it be nice if you had my name in yours as well" will be influencing her.

And you cannot suddenly care about having her share the same name as your parents. She didn't before!

It sounds to me like you have influenced her by what you've said.
When I left my abusive exh I kept my married surname until I remarried. My 3 dc still have dads surname and I wouldn't dream of changing it.
Dh ex tried to do this with their child once she found out we were marrying. Having gone by her maiden name on fb since splitting with my dh she suddenly changed it to Dh surname - her maiden name. She wanted sc to do the same but they were 5 at the time and said no they did not want to change it.
If you were happy with that name at brith why should it change now.

Yes I'd do this.

I see why you want to but if ex husband won't agree it's a non-starter. She can change it herself when she's older if she's bothered by it

This and why women should keep their birth names.

A court will double barrel. Men make applications for this all the time.

I always wonder what will happen to double barrel kids when they marry