To want to double barrel DD’s surname?

[FestiveGoat]

ExH and I divorced 6 years ago. When DD was born we gave her our (his) surname. After divorce I reverted to my maiden name. DD is now 8 and I want to change her surname from “ExHName” to “ExHName-MyName”

AIBU?

Actually it's the opposite. At 6, you need the consent of everyone with PR, and if they don't consent you have to go to court. At 16, it's the young person themselves who chooses and can easily change it by deed poll.

It might be less hassle for the parents but it's much more difficult for the child. My friend's daughter who changed her name at 16 had a whole load of stuff that needed changing from email addresses to savings accounts etc. Not to mention the emotional toll of changing your name as a teenager and telling all of your peers you have (in this case) a deadbeat dad.

Wow. The little girls circumstances have changed.
her parents are no longer one unit.
she now has a different name from her mother.
Maybe the girl would like to have the name as both of her parents.

If she wants to sure. But she might also want her name she's used to stay as her name.

Then let her decide that for herself when she's older. I hated having a double barrelled name as a child.

I agree with that. And 9/10 you can tell when it’s a mishmash of mum’s and dad’s names. They sound wrong.

My DB surname is only 5 generations old (six with me) and I still consider it a bit nouveau.

But if it’s good enough for the Queen as they say…

Of course you shouldn't be encouraging her to change her name. Everyone knows (including a Court) that an 8 year old wanting to change their name (unless the name is notorious) is an idea planted by an adult.
I don't agree with patriarchal naming, which is why my kids have both of our surnames, as do several of their friends. But you chose your daughter to take only her father's name. You can't move the goalposts now.

@Rachel757677

Only certain types of people go with the double barrel. Do you really want to be one of them?

Enlighten me, what 'type of person' am I?

It's not complicated to change your name as an adult. I did it. I printed out a Statutory Declaration saying that henceforth I will be known as 'Thankyou..." and not my former name of X (exact wording on internet) and took it to a Solicitor who charged me £15 to hear me read it, then he signed as witness. I then sent it with my Birth certificate to the bank, got a passport with it. The only docs now in my old name are my GCSE and first degree certs. If they are ever needed I enclose a copy of the stat declaration.

I would think that the courts may consider it Parental Alienation if you even informally drop the dad's surname.

This is a very good point.

Quite probably.

Too many people don't think about "future proofing" when they marry, changed their names and therefore name their children.

Double barrelling my kids’ names has nothing to do with wealth, and everything to do with them being a product of joining 2 families, neither of which is more important just because of the presence of a penis. I won’t raise my kids to uphold the consideration of women as possessions. Not all of us care more about class than sexism.

I’m not comparing it to racism or bigotry - I’m pointing out no one would expect that names that are long or otherwise ‘difficult’ (to native English speakers) are shortened or simplified except for some reason double barrelled ones. Where do you draw the line? Jones is ok but Johnson too long? Brown passes, Brownstone needs reducing?

Presumably people who are ‘uncomfortable’ with Smith Jones are going to feel similar when faced with MacSeóin, yet you only expect one person to change their name to accommodate their feelings. Why is that?

Is it that you don’t think double barrelled names are ‘real’? You mentioned me ‘creating’ a name as if I’ve made it up.

The OPs reasons are her own. Perhaps she regrets giving in to a patriarchal tradition that has positioned her husband as more important in the family set up, despite her being the primary caregiver? Only 1 name is used now - his - so why should it be his? Not hers? Why double down on a mistake when you can change it?

so if you meet and marry another man does that mean you wont change your surname to his or are you going to triple barrel your daughters. Leave it as is.

I have a double barrelled name. But in all honesty the snob in me does think that parents creating double barrelled names seems a bit upwardly mobile. Whereas double barrelled names which go down through the male line are ‘real’.

People feel awkward and upset when then they don’t understand things. By just using the last part, you are making other people feel more at ease. what on earth is this? I'm not halving my last name to make people more at ease because they can't handle a "-"

I do. I can’t be bothered to explain what a hyphen is anymore 😭

Really? Are the people you speak to thick?

@FestiveGoat i cannot stand ExH for reasons unrelated to him being DD’s father. I avoid using her surname as much as possible as it is a reminder of him.

Like it or lump it, your child is half him! Without him, your child wouldn't exist! Your bizarre reaction upon hearing his surname, which is also your daughters surname and was at one stage your name, is ridiculous! Hate on your ex all you want, but this name hating issue is ridiculous!

YABU.

When DD has her own kids do you expect them to have a 4xbarrelled name?

Not the people in my actual life but the people taking my restaurant booking etc must be. I’ve had the conversation more times than I care to remember.

Isn't that the same for any child though? Product of two parents? There's nothing special about that but it's the appropriation of something that had specific meaning, for use wherever by whomever.

People do what they want but it doesn't mean that their actions don't jar. That's life.

And this is why my daughter has my surname. YANBU

FWIW, it's been a trend for a bit now for teens who've been "given" just the dad's name to decide to switch to using both last names even if the parents are still together.

If they're under 16 or not ready to make a legal change they just use the double-barreled version as their "known as" name** (which also avoids the paperwork question until she's old enough to assess whether the legal change is worth the hassle of the extra piece of documentation for life). Whether or not others use or respect it may depend on the community, I guess - but I don't see why they wouldn't as surname changes are pretty routine. While there can be moments of forgetting or confusion, most people get used to it just as they do when a name is changed due to marriage, divorce, adoption, etc.

IME it's pretty common for younger children to want the mother's name post-divorce especially if (1) the dad has less than 50% custody or (2) the child is especially close with extended family on the mother's side, and then eventually just because if feels like the fair and egalitarian thing to do. Maybe they do get the idea from adults originally, but that doesn't mean it doesn't become important to them.

What happens if you remarry and take his name, she’ll literally be the only Evans-Johnson in her family. She'd be the only one anyway, because the senior Evans and Johnson are each using their original last names and are unlikely to have another child together.

Why all the angst about what happens when two people with double-barreled names marry? 500 million Hispanophones aren't running around like chickens panicking about it. Coverture (the principle that females do not have an independent legal identity but must be "covered" by a designated male) was historically adopted earlier and more enthusiastically in England than anywhere else in Europe.

** (This is in Scotland, where the child's birth records are indexed under both names and the de facto name has more legal force than in England/Wales, but I'm fairly sure you can do similar elsewhere in the UK as well).

What a stupid idea