Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

[NumbMother]

So, long story short, my husband is a committee member at an organization in the field that we both work in. I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours. We have attended all the functions together even before we were married. Last night was the annual year end function and he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function. Though I thought it was odd, I did not think twice about it. Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings. Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.
Back to last night...He made arrangements for one of the member to pick him up at home. When he arrived, his wife was sitting in the car with him...? When I asked my husband why she is going to the function, he said that he decided when he received the invite that he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone even though all the other member's wives attended. When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.
I am feeling hurt by his actions, yet he does not think he was wrong for attending alone. Am I being unreasonable for insisting that these types of events should be attended by both or at the very least discussed? To make matters worse, he turned off his phone and came home very late and very drunk. Now he is giving me the silent treatment because according to him I am being unreasonable for assuming I would be attending as his +1.
Am I being unreasonable?

I would be very very upset about this

Sorry to say but your marriage is over.

You are 100% right op.

I would be very hurt by this, I’m sorry to say that there will be a reason he didn’t want you there - using the baby as an excuse is pathetic. It’s a really horrible thing he has
done I’m not surprised you feel the way you do

I hate to see this and I hope I am wrong but is there a possibility he is being unfaithful to you with someone who attends these meetings?

It sounds like he is up to something he doesn’t want you to know about. Sorry OP.

The way you write about him makes very uncomfortable reading OP.

Oh OP, that doesn’t sound right at all. Not just not taking you but his general behaviour around going to these meetings.

I hate to plant seeds of doubt but is it possible his head has been turned? Doesn’t mean he’s having an affair, just that there’s someone there he’s got a crush on.

I’m so sorry @NumbMother 💐 your husband is a pig. He is totally unreasonable- not just about this one event, but his attitude towards you, his behaviour, his communication. Please consider your future. Is this how you want to live? I think you deserve more from your life.

This would upset me so much, he really does sound like a selfish arsehole
Make sure you book yourself a day out, or a night out with friends... it's HIS JOB as baby's father to stay home with the baby
Big hugs to you xx

I'd be beyond furious at him.

Sexist pig...

I'd be looking seriously at my future with him

Red flags all over this. He lied about the function and is clearly lying about whatever he’s up to when he attends meetings, and there’s zero justification for taking an hour to come home from somewhere ten minutes away. Be harder on him and demand to know what’s going on. Or leave.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado
ABSOLUTELY!

This was my first thought too, sorry OP. That’s not to say it’s a definite but it’s very suspicious.

even if he isn’t cheating on you, this behaviour is disrespectful and needs addressing.

I would suspect an affair and I would be having him followed at next Committee meeting.

I don’t think he’s necessarily having an affair. I do think he’s a sexist prick though, and controlling.

I wouldn't be going straight to affair but he's an arsehole and it's upsetting it was preferable to him to go without you, so much so he blatantly lied. The comment about mothers staying home is sexist and the not talking to you and turning it round on you is gaslighting.

Reading the other posts by pp I can see that you have other issues with him so maybe this was an9ther sign of his general selfishness.

On its own if he's otherwise a nice guy it wouldn't bother me. Theoretically, my husband is invited to my Christmas do's and some of my colleagues do get their partners but I never do. One reason is so we don't need a babysitter but another reason is that I rarely go out without my family and quite like having one night just for myself and sometimes i do end up drinking quite a lot. It never even struck me to discuss it with him or ask him. I don't go to his Christmas do's either and I suspect that maybe I'm invited to them as well. However, we can both trust each other and go out together at other times anyway so it isn't a big deal. But if course in light of his other behaviour it sounds like it's different for you.

Edit: oh just saw he had lied about it and then made you feel bad. Ignore what I said. That's not ok.

That’s a bit much!

He has been very ignorant and you are absolutely right to feel hurt. His defensive response also serves to validate your belief that he is being out of order.

My ex did something similar. I dropped him off at his work Christmas event (nice event, food and drink, including alcohol, all paid for), and it was only when I saw his friend's wife leaving that he told me partners were invited but he didn't think I would have liked it so didn't ask - but it was apparently perfectly fine for me to drop him off and pick him up! He even had the cheek to tell me his friend's wife was annoyed that I hadn't given them a lift home too as they had been drinking and were having to get public transport!
I stopped and told him to get out the car, and he walked the rest of the way. If this is a pattern of similar behaviour from your husband OP, I would also consider making him an ex. His "mother's should be at home with the baby" attitude also stinks - why can't the father stay at home and you go out?

Agree with all of the above. And the one thing that really stood out was that he turned his phone off. Who turns their phone off these days? And with a wife and baby at home??

Unfortunately, some men show their true colours when their partners are at a vulnerable stage in the relationship (with a young baby) and are less likely to leave them.

Your husband is absolutely vile. He doesn’t respect you at all. I can’t believe 5% people have voted that you’re unreasonable. Is he kind to you in any other ways op?