Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

[NumbMother]

So, long story short, my husband is a committee member at an organization in the field that we both work in. I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours. We have attended all the functions together even before we were married. Last night was the annual year end function and he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function. Though I thought it was odd, I did not think twice about it. Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings. Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.
Back to last night...He made arrangements for one of the member to pick him up at home. When he arrived, his wife was sitting in the car with him...? When I asked my husband why she is going to the function, he said that he decided when he received the invite that he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone even though all the other member's wives attended. When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.
I am feeling hurt by his actions, yet he does not think he was wrong for attending alone. Am I being unreasonable for insisting that these types of events should be attended by both or at the very least discussed? To make matters worse, he turned off his phone and came home very late and very drunk. Now he is giving me the silent treatment because according to him I am being unreasonable for assuming I would be attending as his +1.
Am I being unreasonable?

Yes, your marriage is over. No self respecting woman should live with a man who tells her that she has to stay home with the baby and cannot get a babysitter. What the hell?

It’s not - who the hell can stay married to a man who says she cannot get a babysitter but must stay home with the baby? Seriously?

I’m astounded that any woman could stay with a man who talks like this. I’ve just read the OP to my DH and his jaw dropped.

I don’t know a single man - family member, colleague, friend, men in my church - that don’t let their wife get a babysitter and go out with them.

This...

Sorry OP he sound awful. He also sounds very misogynistic so please don’t take my following question as any form of criticism. You say your baby is 9 months old. Have you lost the baby weight? I’m wondering if he’s trying to hide you away. He sounds like the type who would.

That was an uncomfortable read for several reasons. I'm sorry, OP. YANBU.

PS my mother had babysitters and went on nights out like this with my dad- in the 70s!!! So did my MIL and my aunt etc. This is sexism that is off the scale.

It sounds like he’s having an affair. You need to start snooping.

Quoted the wrong post. Sorry.

@ZoeRuby I thought that too. Given your history of attending the functions, being friendly with wives etc and all the other red flags, I'd definitely be suspicious.

Is it?

It's a mother's job to stay home with the baby, he said. He also lied to her.

He could fuck off for that.

He doesn’t value you at work.

He is a misogynist who thinks childcare is a woman’s job.

He is an unreliable man.
He is untruthful.

But I see you have been told to leave him before. Clearly him lying about this work event is small change in the grand scheme of how much of a shit husband he is.

I would be really annoyed
When was it agreed that you were the default childcare- if only one person could attend why would it automatically be him?

My thoughts exactly! ⬆️

He is an absolute prick of a misogynist bastard and I imagine this is just the tip of his horrible iceberg.

If that is truly his attitude to you as a mother, I don't foresee a good outcome, I'm sorry.

Snooping? What will this achieve?
She should bin him and be done with it. Although, I appreciate from her previous thread it is not as easy as it seems. But there is certainly no need for her to degrade herself by "snooping". Even without an affair, he is totally vile.

he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function.

every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings.

Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour.... to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.

This implies that it is a regular thing to suggest or manipulate it so OP won't attend ANY of the meetings.

He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone...

He just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.

Now he's giving silent treatment because OP questioned it.

He sounds like a childish, sexist idiot. I suspect there is more going on here than meets the eye. If this is a regular pattern of behaviour I'd be giving very careful consideration as to whether this was the type of relationship I would want to invest in.

So you would stay? Your choice.
Most women won't be putting up with a vile individual who lies to them and tells them their place is in the kitchen. Or with an individual who gives them the silent treatment when they express their concern.
Or, indeed, with a man who threatens to financially ruin them if they try to leave.
But if you want to throw away your life and dignity with one of those specimens, there is no shortage of them.

You're the babysitter. How very convenient.

Ive just read last month’s thread.

OP, it’s time to go. You need to leave. For you and your daughter.

This idiot is 20 years older than you and has coerced you into becoming his round-the-clock colleague, secretary, maid, babysitter and mother.

There is zero joy in any of your posts.

He is not depressed. He is a weapons-grade misogynistic manipulator.

And of course he had a “crazy ex-wife” who in his words was a “terrible parent”.

Now you can see exactly what happened to her…because it’s happening to you, too.

What a time to find out your dh is a controlling patriarchal cunt.

Is this a case of misery loves company? 🙄

YANBU. Any chance he is having an affair??? I can’t think of any other reason a man would do this. He doesn’t want to be seen with you.. at this event.. why?? I’d be angry and hurt too op. Lots of luck x

You deserve better OP. He has acted so hurtful and lied to you.

This is from OP’s other thread. Her “partner” is nothing short of abusive:

”So, me being self employed and us dividing all costs 50/50, I needed to work throughout my "maternity leave".

”I had a c-section in order to plan around work (his idea). I worked until midnight the day before my c-section, in the hospital, he brought my laptop to me because he had something I needed to attend to.”

”The day I was released form hospital, I started working again on his demand. He continued working his normal hours and expected the same from me immediately. We did not have anyone to help/look after my girl, so I had to that as well.”