Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

[NumbMother]

So, long story short, my husband is a committee member at an organization in the field that we both work in. I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours. We have attended all the functions together even before we were married. Last night was the annual year end function and he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function. Though I thought it was odd, I did not think twice about it. Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings. Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.
Back to last night...He made arrangements for one of the member to pick him up at home. When he arrived, his wife was sitting in the car with him...? When I asked my husband why she is going to the function, he said that he decided when he received the invite that he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone even though all the other member's wives attended. When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.
I am feeling hurt by his actions, yet he does not think he was wrong for attending alone. Am I being unreasonable for insisting that these types of events should be attended by both or at the very least discussed? To make matters worse, he turned off his phone and came home very late and very drunk. Now he is giving me the silent treatment because according to him I am being unreasonable for assuming I would be attending as his +1.
Am I being unreasonable?

When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.

Is he a time-traveller from Victorian times? If not, I'd suggest making 'alternative arrangements' for him to take himself to fuck.

You need to not look at each "issue" as a one off problem and look at the bigger picture.

Do you feel he respects you as an equal partner and parent? You trust each other? That you have open and honest two way communication? It appears not.

You can't change him. You need to decide if you are going to accept who he is or not.

You are overthinking my comment. I certainly didn't say everyone over sixty, just the one she is married to. I'm 55 so I know plenty of husbands around this age who are not like this. But hers is, I suppose any age difference would count rather than specific ages.

what a wanker
are you going back to work?

@NumbMother sorry but were there also single women attending?? do you think something might be going on?? that is not acceptable in my book!!

For god's SAKE, OP.

You are married to an arsehole.

Raise your expectations and self respect.

Do you have family/friends to talk to?

That's awful!

I would immediately think my DH either fancied someone else attending or was embarrassed by my looks and didn't want me there.

I would struggle to get past this.

He’s a sexist pig.

Thank you - I came here to say the same thing.

OP I am so sorry you are being treated this way. The fact that you had to come here to ask if you’re being unreasonable shows how vulnerable you are. For what it’s worth, you are not being unreasonable in the slightest and his behaviour is appalling.

Please seek some independent support from Women’s Aid or a similar organisation. Half the reason you are feeling so despondent and questioning yourself is because he has managed to strip away your self confidence, independence and faith in your ability to survive without him. For your child’s sake, if not your own, please get some external support to help you leave this relationship, which is without doubt abusive, controlling and coercive. You owe it to yourself to find the strength to see how much more you are worth than this.

You've posted about this bellend before haven't you? Just the unilateral decision that it's your place to stay home with baby and not go out would piss me off. That he lied (and you only found out as he was caught in it by the other wife showing up to your door) more so.
The picking a fight before every meeting and not coming home as discussed would make me suspicious AND annoyed.

Really, you deserve better @NumbMother. You know you do

Reading that other thread, the dinner is the least of your problems. You are married to an abuser, and need to work out how to leave him.

In this situation, the poster is right.

That is...awful. What you have said RE the meetings and the length of time he spends at them, plus the phone off on the night of the event ......sounds like his interest is elsewhere, sorry. Also 'A mother's job'....was he born in the 50s?

Does anyone in your industry know that you’re still working, or does he take the credit for your work ? He seems to be cutting you off from your industry as well as your friends.

From OP’s previous posts, yes he was actually. But that’s no excuse.

How cruel and terribly selfish, he clearly has an agendas to why he didn't want you there. Challenge him and demand he gives you the truth not the cock n bull he is spinning you.

This ^ sorry OP
his stance about mother and baby is just red herring.

I've read the other thread. He is abusive. He waited until you got pregnant and now he is undermining your confidence to keep you in tow.

Leave.

my usual question really, what does he bring to the partnership?

Absolutely not ok. I just wanted to say that as it seems like he’s making you think you’re in the wrong. Awful behaviour on all levels. If he’s not up for having a sensible conversation about this, I think you need to consider your options. Otherwise he will only continue to make you feel small and undermined and this won’t be healthy for you or your child. Best wishes.

What a nasty, misogynist your dh is, @NumbMother! I hope you tell him that the 1950s called and want their outdated attitudes back.

I honestly don't know if a marriage can come back from something like this - not just the incident, but the entrenched, sexist attitude that your dh is clearly clinging to, and proud of!

Exactly what I thought, he wants his wife out of the way so she and OW aren't in the same room, and his bad behaviour comes from guilt.

Only 2% now. I bet some of those are people hitting the wrong key.

So basically, he's shagging another woman who he doesn't want you to know about. No doubt, if you were to tell us an average day in your life, there would be so many instances of gas-lighting, lies, abuse and coercion that have just sailed over your head because you've tolerated this shit for so long.

I suggest you start thinking about kicking him out OP. Seriously.

His 1950's attitude is no longer viable in 2024 and he needs telling.

What a convenient excuse for him. I'm sorry, OP. I can see why you're hurt, and this does not show your relationship in a good light at all.