Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

[NumbMother]

So, long story short, my husband is a committee member at an organization in the field that we both work in. I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours. We have attended all the functions together even before we were married. Last night was the annual year end function and he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function. Though I thought it was odd, I did not think twice about it. Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings. Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.
Back to last night...He made arrangements for one of the member to pick him up at home. When he arrived, his wife was sitting in the car with him...? When I asked my husband why she is going to the function, he said that he decided when he received the invite that he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone even though all the other member's wives attended. When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.
I am feeling hurt by his actions, yet he does not think he was wrong for attending alone. Am I being unreasonable for insisting that these types of events should be attended by both or at the very least discussed? To make matters worse, he turned off his phone and came home very late and very drunk. Now he is giving me the silent treatment because according to him I am being unreasonable for assuming I would be attending as his +1.
Am I being unreasonable?

I was wondering this as well, but I already said my bit about this pig.

There's another woman.

Starting an argument out of nowhere is a classic way of buying time and claiming it's your fault that he had to stay out.

@NumbMother

I can think of only a few reasons why a spouse (reasonably or unreasonably) wouldn't want their spouse to attend a 'function';

Behaviour is inappropriate to the occasion
'Dress sense' is not suitable for the occasion
Wants to give impression that they're single
Cherchez la femme/l'homme

I'm assuming that the first two don't apply to you, so I'd be considering the last two. Either that or he's just a misogynist who believes your place is in the home.

That sounds awful. I’m sorry OP.

How nasty! No wonder you are upset

I'm wondering if he actually did go to all those committee meetings. Maybe he didn't want you to go to the event because he didn't want you talking to the others and finding out that he hasn't been where he said he was.

This ⬆️
what an asshole 😡

This is outrageous behaviour. I would also assume he was seeing someone else. I’ve seen it play out 100s of times.
Even if not this is no way to treat your wife and very weird indeed.

"Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings."
So is it fair to say his behaviour started with the birth of your daughter? Or maybe when you were still pregnant? Abusive men often let the mask slip once they consider they have trapped their victim. Some consider the trap to be sprung once married (particularly if cultural norms frown on divorce), some hold off until pregnancy, some maintain the mask until childbirth. Whatever event they feel firmly binds the woman to him and his whims.

Starting an argument before he leaves for these 'meetings' - he's getting himself all fired up, isn't he? Are you sure he's meeting with a committee? Or maybe someone else?

"Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home."
A couple of possibilities here, to my mind.

1. Straightforward power play. He is where he says he is, and he's making clear to you that he can do what he wishes, stay out as long as he wants whilst you, the little woman with the baby on her hip, have to stay at home with said baby and wait for her Lord and Master to eventually deign to return. Begs the question, who is he spending these hours with? Because I doubt he's sitting in his car waiting to see how long it takes you to crack and call him.
2. The 'committee meeting' is a charade and he's conducting his affair during that time. This would also explain why he excluded you from the year end function, to ensure nobody let the cat out of the bag inadvertently. In a 'sorry to hear your baby's been so unwell, your husband has been distraught about missing so many meetings so that he can be there' kind of way.

No matter the reason, he is demonstrating his utter, utter disrespect for you, @NumbMother. Have a think on that. It's no way to live.

He is at best, a total arsehole @NumbMother

At worst he is a cheating abusive, controlling cunt.

And what IS with this 'oh, is there a chance his head has been turned' bollocks, I've seen it a few times from different posters recently.

It makes it sound like it's not HIS fault, someone ELSE has caused him to cheat or be interested in another woman.

A cheater cheats because he wants to, and actively takes steps to do so. No ones head is turned by someone else, they turn their own fucking heads!

I'd be very upset about it, and it's very odd too.
My initial gut reaction was there is someone at the event he wants to see/talk
to etc without a DP/DW by his side.

Unfortunately I agree with this. I am not sure a marriage can come back from this. Is he always a sexist pig?

@Itiswhatitismate - where did you get the idea that @NumbMother would have taken her child to the event. In her OP she states she would have got a babysitter!

And if you missed that important fact, did you also miss the bit where her dh lied to her *because of his misogynistic and old fashioned idea that a mum should stay home with the baby - are you condoning his lies or his beliefs?

To be honest, I can’t believe the nonsense you have written.

@Itiswhatitismate OP wanted to get a babysitter not take the baby!

Dear God.

OP, you should have ended this marriage ages ago. But you need to make plans to end it now. This is appalling.

I have read the whole thread and OP's previous one. @Itiswhatitismate your comments are way off the mark and highly offensive.

OP, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not one for LTB usually – marriages can be very complex – but I hope you find the strength to forge ahead with a new life with your baby girl, free of this appalling man.

@Itiswhatitismate, your reading comprehension is a bit off.

They don't work in the same COMPANY they work in the same FIELD. And "I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours" is a far cry from "some of her friends work in the same company and are usually present at these events."

A very different scenario from the one in your imagination.

" Her name @NumbMother is a problem in itself but I'm not here to judge."
Aye, right.

I would be suspecting an affair with another committee member. He sounds an absolute arse!

How do you mean?

He is wanting to be the lad, appear free with no ties, does not want you at the same event as some OW, or potential OW
Turning off his phone, lying, & hiding the event are showing he has no respect for you at best, & at worst he is cheating.
Sorry, this would (& should) be the end of my relationship

Sorry, but it think he's playing around

He's at at and even if he isn't, he's a cunt.

If he always went with you before, then he has either realised that he can't stay late and get pissed if you attend as you'll likely want to be home at a reasonable time for baby or he's having an affair with a colleague.