Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

[NumbMother]

So, long story short, my husband is a committee member at an organization in the field that we both work in. I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours. We have attended all the functions together even before we were married. Last night was the annual year end function and he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function. Though I thought it was odd, I did not think twice about it. Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings. Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.
Back to last night...He made arrangements for one of the member to pick him up at home. When he arrived, his wife was sitting in the car with him...? When I asked my husband why she is going to the function, he said that he decided when he received the invite that he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone even though all the other member's wives attended. When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.
I am feeling hurt by his actions, yet he does not think he was wrong for attending alone. Am I being unreasonable for insisting that these types of events should be attended by both or at the very least discussed? To make matters worse, he turned off his phone and came home very late and very drunk. Now he is giving me the silent treatment because according to him I am being unreasonable for assuming I would be attending as his +1.
Am I being unreasonable?

I would very strongly suspect he’s having an affair with someone on the committee or someone who attends the committee events.

Has he been missing these meetings and will be asked about his attendance and doesn’t want you there to hear that?
When people are lying they’ll go to any lengths possible.
I’ll bet he’s been telling them he’s been missing meetings because of your LO and really been up to no good OP, sorry but he sounds awful

That's what a mother should do??? Who does he think he is talking to?

And I'm sorry OP but the silent treatment is just the cherry on top that tells me this relationship is in serious trouble. You can't honestly want to continue a relationship with someone who values you so little?

I'd be absolutely livid.
Please don't lose your anger. It's completely justified. He needs to know he cannot get away with behaving like this.

Your husband has behaved like an absolute dick, and it sounds like he has very little respect for you.

Cherchez la femme.

Do you know and trust any of the other married women who attended, who you could call to talk about what went on last night?

It seems pretty obvious something is going on. I'm so sorry.

How so?
OP is living with a man who is cutting her out of his life under the guise of her needing to be "a mother". He unilaterally makes decisions about the family because he is the "real man" and leaving her behind. He is lying to her and doesn't include her in joint decisions. He is giving her the silent treatment and cutting all communications because he as a "big strong man" has the right to socialise without being disturbed by his "little wifey". And he hasn't even got emotional intelligence and maturity to have a calm discussion about it.

This is either complete lack of love and care or a massively uncomfortable view of the world. If it was the latter, his sexist views would have been picked up by the OP throughout their relationship. If it is the former, it is not like he is going to wake up one day and realise that he does love and respect his wife after all.

Whichever way you look at it, the relationship is finished. Unless, of course, the OP likes being married to an misogynist who doesn't respect her. But it doesn't sound as though she does.

Sorry, I also suspect an affair, or he fancies someone on the committee.

Whatever the weather, he's a sexist prick. He thinks your sole role in life is to be a mother and a wife. You are now not entitled to have a life outside the home and he's unilaterally making decisions for you.

You need to have very serious chat about what life's going to look like moving forward because I wouldn't tolerate that shit.

If your not working I think you need to go back to work. I would also arrange to do something outside the home regularly and leave him to parent his child.

Something is going on with someone else on the committee. The causing arguments before is him gaslighting you, make him feel less guilty like he is doing nothing wrong.

You say some of the other committee members have become friends. Is there one you can confide in and tell them what's been happening and if they have noticed a change in him?

Wow, I can't believe anyone would do this, I am guessing you are thirties and he must be 60 plus to have such and old fashioned attitude. Looking at previous posts I do wonder if there is someone there who has caught his eye?

Me too.

Oh god yet another shitty man. I’m so sorry OP.

I’ve just read your other thread from last month.

OP, you have bigger issues than last night’s function. You have no marriage and you need to be planning your exit.

Is it steam engines?
Having a baby is such a big thing. Any chance other men, different generations and professions,are trotting out all the cliches.
Outside of work, committees can quickly sink back to old school attitudes and 'humour'.
So has he heard a lot of ball and chain, you won't be allowed out now, got you changing nappies type comments.
A strong man will push back with the humour that is required, a weak man goes quiet, self doubts, gets defensive and you get the brunt of it.
Not acceptable. You can have a understanding 'has becoming a father become difficult to get your head round' conversation. If that doesn't go well, get planning for how you want your future to look.

After reading her thread from last month, she’s right.

That is a piss take. He should have asked you if you wanted to go. But the way he acts with these functions, starting a row, staying out late. It makes it sound almost like he never wanted you there in the first place. Do you enjoy the functions? Did he argue with you during the event? It makes me feel like he is saying he wants to be there alone. Or with his 'mates'.

Is he like this about other aspects of his life?

And he sounds sexist AF to claim that you should be at home with the baby.

If I were you I'd make arrangements to go on a night out with my mates once a week or month, leaving the baby with him. He can't just renege on his duties as a parent.

I remember your other post about him. You already know that he's a pig and you need to leave him. He has treated you so badly throughout your pregnancy and since your baby has arrived. For your child's sake as much as your own, you know you must leave. You're clearly a smart lady so use that brain to plan your exit. He is not going to get any better, if anything it'll get worse. Good luck

The problem is not that he went alone to the event alone. The problem is...
he decided ...he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? ... he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.

He is a misogynistic pig! I wonder what he is objectionable about?

I would only be upset with the fact he lied and said no spouses. Why wasn’t he just honest and say I’d prefer to go alone? Spouses don’t have or need to go to these things he is in his rights to go alone if he wants to but the lying about it is not ok and saying a mother should stay at home with a baby is a bit 1950s

Your Husbands head has been turned by someone at work and he wants you out of the way.

Having children is one of the biggest catalysts for husbands to start to cheat. They are no longer the centre of the world and can't deal with it.

The decision for you to not attend due to the baby is one that you should both discuss - not him make the decision alone.

I would be angry and concerned (is there another reason he decided this?)

Sorry but my first thought is that there's someone at these meetings that he prefers spending his time with.

I didn't recognise OP, but I'm not surprised there's more to it.

This 100%

Yep this would be my guess.

Or he's unbelievably sexist and genuinely thinks now you're a mother you stay at home and he does what the fuck he wants.

Or - and this is horribly shallow - have you seen the committee members since you had your baby? Has your appearance changed significantly or you've stopped eg wearing make up and he feels like he doesn't want to show you off?

Before baby did he get hammered at these events?