Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

[NumbMother]

So, long story short, my husband is a committee member at an organization in the field that we both work in. I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours. We have attended all the functions together even before we were married. Last night was the annual year end function and he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function. Though I thought it was odd, I did not think twice about it. Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings. Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.
Back to last night...He made arrangements for one of the member to pick him up at home. When he arrived, his wife was sitting in the car with him...? When I asked my husband why she is going to the function, he said that he decided when he received the invite that he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone even though all the other member's wives attended. When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.
I am feeling hurt by his actions, yet he does not think he was wrong for attending alone. Am I being unreasonable for insisting that these types of events should be attended by both or at the very least discussed? To make matters worse, he turned off his phone and came home very late and very drunk. Now he is giving me the silent treatment because according to him I am being unreasonable for assuming I would be attending as his +1.
Am I being unreasonable?

Sounds like he's shagging someone in the committee if he manufactures arguments before meetings so you don't go, then lies about this do.

Either way, he sounds vile and he has horrible misogynistic views about women.

I would be very upset, if I were you.

What do you want to do?

I’d be planning my future without him.

Sorry OP. I had this with my ex. He was 'entitled' to attend as many Xmas lunches / meals / parties as he wanted to as he 'worked hard' in a 'big job'. (I also worked FT and looked after our very young daughter). It turned out that he wasn't alone at any of these events and we had apparently separated (according to his colleague). News to me when it all came out about 6 months later.

I'm not suggesting that your husband is engaged in an affair but his attitude and narrative is appalling and I would spend some serious time thinking about if you want to live your life as the default parent.

Do you know any of the other wives to start a conversation about the tone of the evening? I would be interested to know what your husband had said to his colleagues about your absence.

Definitely something up here. Either he didn’t want you around because of company he’s keeping or he just didn’t want to spend time with you. A mothers place is with her baby? What’s that about. Yanbu op regardless. I hope you get to the bottom of it

Why is he starting arguments before he goes to these meetings?

Is it so he can demonise you in his head and feel justified in doing whatever he wants?

And now he's sulking?

Awful man.

Awful man.

I would be absolutely raging at his pompous attitude @NumbMother . I don't think I would had done it to my DC or had the balls, but it would be tempting to leave for a few days to demonstrate what a father 'should do'.

How are there so many terrible husband's and partners (and fathers)?

I would end the marriage over his behaviour.

I really would.

I agree with other posters and suspect there’s someone there he doesn’t want you knowing about. I also suspect some of his colleagues will be aware of this and he’s keeping you away from all of them.

It seems extreme but honestly, so would I.

He treats you horribly. This is not right.

he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby

And this is utterly controlling.

I would majorly upset about this. So who / what is he hiding?
Firstly, if that is his genuine view on childcare then that isn’t ok. If he was using it as a cover up, then it still isn’t ok.
I think you have some detective work to do here, OP xxxx

Snooping is usually referred to as getting your ducks in a row isn’t it ? I don’t think it’s degrading to want to know the full extent of what you’re dealing with so you can take appropriate action for the circumstances. Unless you think taking the word of a controlling, abusive, and likely cheating, misogynistic twat is the way to go ?

But accurate. Why would you stay with an abuser ?

It’s neither hurtful nor cruel, and many posters have said it. What would you prefer ? Advice to carry on living with this abusive twat ? And pretend everthing’s ok ? And allow her daughter to grow up thinking the way her dad treats her mum is the norm ?