For wanting to hang out with my good friend without her baby all the time?

[Railous]

Don’t get me wrong her baby is very cute. I understand having to bring a newborn or a baby that is very small and still breastfeeding. But her baby is soon 1 year old and takes bottle. I understand she is very proud of her mini self and wants to show her off. But it also becomes distracting when we meet, baby is more awake and craves more attention, and conversations being interupted by a baby is not my cup of tea. Also not sitting in a restaurant having a baby that gets fussy and feel like i have to help out with baby, its like i become a co parent with her.

Not fun at all. Espacially since her partner is at home gaming or whatever while she brings baby. I understand that she can’t hang out as much as before and i understand that. But kinda sad when i see her off all sudden posting out with her partner and another couple and they at a restaurant without baby. I just miss my friend and our conversations. Also when baby is around it all becomes centred around looking and talking about baby. I don’t want to come out as rude i just wish one time to get some alone time with her like good old days.

Additionally,
The person who said friends are transient was correct.
I don’t think there are many people who when asked would say their friendship group is made up of people they were at infant school with.
As you grow your values change and you naturally gravitate to people who share those same values. One or two might end up being a life- long friend ( DH has one close friend from toddlerhood, I don’t have any) but for the majority the friends you have change understanding that is important that doesn’t mean you will end up friendless in old age.
Personally the friendships I value more than any are those with my brothers because not all siblings are friends as well as family. All the other people including those I’ve been friends with for half my life are potentially transient.

maybe she did not feel she could go. some children do still just settle better with the other parent. in her shoes if my dc was having an absolute meltdown i would feel it was dreadfully unfair to just dump him on dh as however difficult it is for me to calm him it is 5 times easier then for DH. DH is very hands on and a good father but DC does still prefer me

what I’m saying is people grow and change and often have different friends for different life stages.

This is what i meant about friendships being transient. Often what we have in common with friends is circumstancial - we attend the same school or college, or work together, we're part of a hobby group or sports team, we live in the same street.

When those circumstances change and people grow/move on, its normal for friendships to drift and evolve. It can be hard for parents to maintain deep friendships with childfree adults because your interests, needs and priorities become very different.

That is shocking behaviour, bringing an under 1 to a daytime coffee/walk lunch is one thing. An evening dinner/drinks is madness.

The occasional evening or lunch out without the baby is not too much to ask, and this person is apparently finding the time to do that with her other friends.

Perhaps the other friends aren't as petulant as the OP who is coming across more and more bratty in every post, in which case I don't blame her 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've said upthread already and agree with a PP, as parent of a 6 month old who will happily leave him with his Dad for things I enjoy doing, but 'hanging out' with someone who shows such disdain for me, my choices and my baby wouldn't be high on my baby free time agenda.

If they're not high on your agenda then you and your baby shouldn't be high on theirs either.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom If they were the kind of 'friend' that will come to a public forum to slag me off for bringing my baby along for a coffee, despite not having actually told me at any point that they'd rather I didn't, then they'd be no great loss.

She has asked and her "friend" brushed her off.

@fitzwilliamdarcy and you are so right about it! I think its because childfree or non parent friends are seen as being more spontaneously so some parent friends expect them to always be there, and some even being big assholes self like saying «we can’t relate anyomore because i have a baby and i live in a whole different world than u» i mean it is kinda true. But its also mean some of them where bad friends. Non parent friends might not understand or know how hard life gets with a baby but all i know its that its not the end of the world. Non parent friends are always supposed to follow up when its best for the baby and moms needs everytime. I suppose is fair enough when its a newborn or very small baby. But after a while it litterly just gets annoying, you can’t have or hold a conversation nor enjoy time with them. Hanging out with them sometimes mean, co parent with them. Since most pull this «it takes a village» blabla

Jealous? Frustrating and annoying though…

You need to realise the way you used to meet up is a thing of the past. There might be a reason that she always brings baby (maybe she doesn’t trust dad, maybe he refuses to look after baby in his own, maybe she finds it hard to leave baby, maybe she just enjoys bringing baby…). You can ask her to meet without baby (either ask directly why hubby never watches baby or subtly like suggesting a baby free location), but be prepared for her to not be able to / not want to.

Co-parenting is very over the top.
holding a baby while mum fills a bottle is NOT co parenting.

Start posting pics of you out with your friends and comment child free fun and living your best live!

it will get worse as kid is one and will soon start walking and need more entertaining.

just tell your friend to set a time and date when they can meet you child free and put the ball in their court. If daytime then could be tricky if other parent is working.

maybe she feels safe with you to bring kid but if you aren’t enjoying it then just stop meeting up. Friendships can change and when kid is older you might start meeting up again

It’s not the good old days though is it ? She’s had a baby, her life journey at present is different to yours and that’s ok - maybe ask her out for an evening meal when baba can’t come or be honest with her - either way whether you like it or not the baby is and always will be the most important thing to her so if it’s an issue now maybe go your separate way

"Perhaps the other friends aren't as petulant as the OP who is coming across more and more bratty in every post."

I thought she sounded pretty petty and whiny from the beginning, not to mention immature (what's with the 'hanging out' every second paragraph? do people 'hang out' beyond teenage years?)

. We get it, OP, you are fed up with 'co-parenting' your friend's baby (holding it while she goes to the loo?) and you want to have the same 'conversations' you had when she was childfree. Once or twice I've got the impression you mean 'she doesn't want to hear about MEEEEE any more!" and nothing wrong with that, just that she isn't going to be the friend you nostalgically remember at the moment.

Her life has changed; having a baby has changed her. That little person IS now the most important thing in her life.

If I were you I'd accept it and go with your other friends, at the same stage in life as you.

You don’t have children do you? Or they are grown up now.

It might be the nature of the activity you are meeting for (coffee, lunch etc) I've got a few friends with kids (some very young) and if we make plans to go for a coffee, or a short walk or something, I assume they'll bring kids, If we make plans to go out for dinner, drinks, a show, a spa etc, I assume they'll be no kids, and there never is.

I'm also a bit 🙄 at all the comments saying friendships aren't the same, she'll be a different person now as she's got a baby. I've got plenty of friends with children and our relationships havnt changed, we have had plenty of 1-1 time, where they have shown interest in my life and loved laughing and joking about things non baby related. Not everyone turns into a baby bore

I thought she sounded pretty petty and whiny from the beginning, not to mention immature (what's with the 'hanging out' every second paragraph? do people 'hang out' beyond teenage years?)

Yeah because you don’t really grow up until you’ve had a kid do you.

My friend ( who is in her 60s) told me how she spent the week in Canada " hanging out" with her mum who is in her 90z