For wanting to hang out with my good friend without her baby all the time?

[Railous]

Don’t get me wrong her baby is very cute. I understand having to bring a newborn or a baby that is very small and still breastfeeding. But her baby is soon 1 year old and takes bottle. I understand she is very proud of her mini self and wants to show her off. But it also becomes distracting when we meet, baby is more awake and craves more attention, and conversations being interupted by a baby is not my cup of tea. Also not sitting in a restaurant having a baby that gets fussy and feel like i have to help out with baby, its like i become a co parent with her.

Not fun at all. Espacially since her partner is at home gaming or whatever while she brings baby. I understand that she can’t hang out as much as before and i understand that. But kinda sad when i see her off all sudden posting out with her partner and another couple and they at a restaurant without baby. I just miss my friend and our conversations. Also when baby is around it all becomes centred around looking and talking about baby. I don’t want to come out as rude i just wish one time to get some alone time with her like good old days.

I suspect these other friends have " paid" for thier baby free time by more frequent meet ups with the baby in tow. Also as others said it is activity and time specific, in the evening when the child is in bed then they are easier to leave in the day without formal childcare it's quite difficult. I don't know anyone who would arrange a babysitter for a lunch or coffee date with a friend.

Yes but not every single time. Friendship requires give and take on both sides.

Be aware that if you try and make her choose time with you over time with her child, she will choose her child.

Is your friend back at work/heading back? I rarely pass up on time with my DC because I'm at work so much. My DC are much more important to me than my friends. Friends are transient, you make new ones at every stage of life anyway.

Also how often are you expecting to see her?

You maybe need to change what you suggest. Meet in the evenings when the baby has gone to bed. Accept you won't see her anything like as often.

I could have left mine with their dad. I didn't want to! I was headed back to work, time with my DC was precious.

This friend is already choosing time with other people over time with her child.

Wow what an attitude towards friends. Treating them as disposable, basically. You will probably end up friendless in later life.

Yes as I said in my previous post. I am well past all that now but when I had tinnies childfree time was my most precious resource, I wouldn't have " spent" it on those who weren't that bothered about my kids and refused to hold them !

I have "tinies" right now, and I wouldn't expect to keep my friends in the long run if I didn't make any effort with the friendship. The occasional evening or lunch out without the baby is not too much to ask, and this person is apparently finding the time to do that with her other friends.

@ByHardyRubyEagle i guess i offended someone who brings their kid everywhere? Remember your kid is your life not everyone elses. No wonder most parents lose friends with this attitude «my WAY or the HIGHWAY» 🤣

@MissScarletInTheBallroom fr this is not something i expect every week or or 2 times a month, we keep most contact in SoMe, i used to get a lot of baby pic/videos to until i barely responded to them, idk what to say to baby pics everyday lol. I guess i just want to feel appreciated by my friend, after always hanging out on her terms and her baby’s needs. But now the baby is getting bigger and more to deal with in hangout where its just not enjoyable at all, Like even some adult time in just 1 hour would be appreciated

@ByHardyRubyEagle and because YOU dont have accses to childcare you get to act mean to others? You sound like a teen mom yourself that thinks everyone should be on your terms. Get a grip yourself. Aaaaand i think most people try to plan adult time weeks ahead with parents. Not on the drop lol

It’ll be interesting when / if you have children of your own! Good luck with that!

@ByHardyRubyEagle Bahaha typical mad parent answer, parents like you make me want a pet goat instead 🤣

@ByHardyRubyEagle i agree so much! I have lots of patience 🙂

btw i need to report u since you going to personal attack

And what you’ve said to me is not inflammatory? Don’t answer it’s a rhetorical questions. Anyway, go for it mate, it’s only mumsnet.

@ByHardyRubyEagle you started it. You can say an opinion without having to be rude + this is not even about you lol

Some dad's are just not up to the job to have a baby for that long alone. It's a harsh reality I have also lived, but now it's getting better.

I have had to sacrifice some friendships for it. Hopefully that doesn't happen for you, but I would make some allowances if you want the friendship to survive.

This has been an interesting read.
From a personal perspective, I had my children reasonably young, in my early twenties, and my school/university friends hadn’t had any yet.
I never left my babies, I hated it I was one of these who made my husband or mum come and sit with the baby in the hairdressers while I got a haircut.
So, while initially I saw my friends, meeting them for lunch etc as soon as my son was old enough to be a distraction at these things I stopped accepting invitations and drifted away from these friends.
I developed a new group of friends through baby activities and we are still friends now the children are all adults and nearly adults.
So what I’m saying is people grow and change and often have different friends for different life stages.
Once you are a parent you never go back to how things were before- you can do the same things but it never feels the same

A number of parents have posted saying that once they had DC, they basically stopped seeing non-parent friends and replaced them with parent-friends, and there's been no comment on that.

The twice that a non-parent has posted saying that they prioritise non-parents as friends, they've been called arseholes and told that their parent friends are better off without them.

Double standards...

I hear you OP. My oldest friend was like this. We had a nice evening booked up near Christmas to go out for a fancy dinner & drinks. I went to pick her up and because her 2 year old was kicking up a stink of her leaving, she decided there & then to bring him with, even though her husband was at home! I was flabbergasted, and I actually said no, we will rearrange and went home. Needless to say she never tried to rearrange with me.

I think it’s quite natural that non parents prioritise friendships with other non parents.
After all even parents understand that other people’s children are boring.
I wasn’t offended when my childless (at the time) friends stopped inviting me places, why would I be, the lifestyle they lived was now boring to me.

Thank you for understanding that. I absolutely get you, in turn, would want to make new friends through a life-altering shared experience. Makes perfect sense to me.