For wanting to hang out with my good friend without her baby all the time?

[Railous]

Don’t get me wrong her baby is very cute. I understand having to bring a newborn or a baby that is very small and still breastfeeding. But her baby is soon 1 year old and takes bottle. I understand she is very proud of her mini self and wants to show her off. But it also becomes distracting when we meet, baby is more awake and craves more attention, and conversations being interupted by a baby is not my cup of tea. Also not sitting in a restaurant having a baby that gets fussy and feel like i have to help out with baby, its like i become a co parent with her.

Not fun at all. Espacially since her partner is at home gaming or whatever while she brings baby. I understand that she can’t hang out as much as before and i understand that. But kinda sad when i see her off all sudden posting out with her partner and another couple and they at a restaurant without baby. I just miss my friend and our conversations. Also when baby is around it all becomes centred around looking and talking about baby. I don’t want to come out as rude i just wish one time to get some alone time with her like good old days.

I don’t think YABU and I say that as someone with a 2 year old and pregnant with #2

If she’s not breastfeeding and Dads at home then it would be a bit annoying for every meet up to be with the baby, especially as it changes the dynamic with constant interruptions. I don’t see why you can’t ask for meet her alone for spa day or similar

You seem to be avoiding the question people keep asking. Have you said to her that you would love a couple of hours to see her on her own? For all she knows, you might love meeting up with her and the baby, so she doesn't see the need to arrange babysitting.

Anyway, there are good evolutionary reasons for a mother to want to be around her small child all the time. Stops them getting eaten by lions or crawling off cliffs etc. If she has been on mat leave for a year, she probably doesn't have a lot else to talk about. That lessens as they get more independent. Up to you if you want to to continue the friendship, or only hang with people who don't bring their kids.

I know so many women who end up with baby attached to them even if their partner is home. Why? Because their partner cba looking after the baby! Ask her if that's the case. If it is she has probs and needs to sort this out with baby's dad otherwise she will become unhappy and resentful.

Ref your time with her, just ask her if you can have adult time. She can then decide if she can. I hope you can sort this, I appreciate it's frustrating for you abd hibestly I've got kids, but I wouldn't want someone to do this to me every time I saw them either.

You seem to be avoiding the question people keep asking. Have you said to her that you would love a couple of hours to see her on her own? For all she knows, you might love meeting up with her and the baby, so she doesn't see the need to arrange babysitting.

Anyway, there are good evolutionary reasons for a mother to want to be around her small child all the time. Stops them getting eaten by lions or crawling off cliffs etc. If she has been on mat leave for a year, she probably doesn't have a lot else to talk about. That lessens as they get more independent. Up to you if you want to to continue the friendship, or only hang with people who don't bring their kids.

@Whatsitreallylike i have thought to begin with cinmea, since there is nooo way someone would bring their baby right?
it just gets tiring when baby has to be involved in every hang out, and dominate the hangout. Where mom is stressed and feel like i need to help with baby.

@Dibbydoos i have asked once time before but she seemed like she brushed it off or wasn’t paying attention to it.

Hello. I think just have a conversation with your friend. Just say you’d love to catch up with her one on one and suggest something specific. I remember when my daughter was young I was torn between wanting to be with her all the time and also really needing a break. My husband works anti social hours and we couldn’t afford a sitter but my friends were brilliantly accommodating as my daughter and I often came as a package deal. I did sometimes find it stressful as my attention was split. Even now when my daughter is much older, they suggest meet up options that allow for me to bring her along if I need to as well as possible evening options when my husband and I try to work things out so he can be off work. I am really grateful for this. My husband does similar as our work means we effectively do different ‘shifts’. Completely understand if it’s not your cup of tea though. I don’t think it’s necessarily about being obsessed with her child, rather it can be really stressful trying to work out parenting to a greater or lesser degree, dependant on the individual. Things could be complex for your friend in terms of how she feels re her child, what she thinks a mum should be, and also what her husband can and is willing to do. Don’t give up on her yet.

I’m not sure where you got jealousy from. OP wants some adult conversation without constant interruptions.

That’s fine and valid - many parents also want adult conversation with constant interruption from their child(ren).

@Bestfootforward11 havent given up on her for sure! But haven’t meet up either as much, since is draining to hang with a baby everytime that needs lots of attention, it does makes me want to spend more time with other friends, that are childless or don’t bring their kid with them.

@StormingNorman i also think calling someone jealous for wanting adult time with their friends wirh kids/baby is kinda weird.
i think most people don’t like being interupted in every conversation or feeling like friend is not there at all

The baby isn't just her mini me she wants to show off as you've said.. Her child is the most important thing in her entire life and her life revolves around the little one now. Sorry, just a fact of life.
Ask her if she wants to meet without baby for some time to herself. And plan around a time that suits both you and her. But if she says no she wants her baby there, then that's fine too.
Maybe this friendship isn't your cup of tea anymore if you're jealous of her baby.

If MN is anything to go by, most parents can’t wait to get a break from their children!

@remaininghopeful23 why does it have to do with jealous?🤣 its hard to enjoy time around friends when their babys or kids are around

Invite her for a night out and some alcoholic drinks

Stop wasting your time @Railous, she doesn't value one to one time with you. You already know she goes our with other friends without the baby. Spend your time with friends that value your friendship.

Plenty of mums don't want to do nothing but talk about their children and enjoy the break by having childless friends or child free time with friends to not focus on talking about children.

Because as a grown adult you're upset about a baby needing attention and you want your friends' full attention instead. Definition of jealous. I don't know what sort of age you are but this is a natural progression of life and friendships. You adjust or move on. You either want the friendship with her and the mother she has become, or you don't.
It's a different story if she is dying for a bit of baby free time and isn't being supported to get it. I'm not sure if you've directly asked her this or not. Life changes massively when you have children and it sounds like she's doing what works for her as a mother.

Wouldn't blame you.

I genuinely cannot understand why she would want to bring the baby. They are a nightmare at this age in cafes and restaurants.

Wow shit friends attract shit friends basically summarises this post.

@remaininghopeful23 you sound a bit bitter?
Not everyone loves your child like you do. Most parents nag after that their friends left them but they always take and never give. Im friends with them not their kid or baby. And theres is no wrong in adult time you know? Its good for parents to

And don't forget that it'll always be you who has to make the effort to travel
Well, that's understandable.

Whatever successes or worries you have in your life are inconsequential to what her baby is doing
Yes. Also understandable.

When it's a toddler she'll spend all the time dealing with the kid and not even listen to you
Toddlers need someone's undivided attention at all times.

@Martymcfly24 yea you can even see she is stressing and then we all become stressed because baby getting fuzzy or throwing toys at the table or tryna get to my or her food. Like its not fun for her or the baby or me

YANBU. She has become a baby bore and unfortunately that’s not going to change. Have you asked her why she can’t leave baby with dad? I bet there is a story there with a useless man-child at the core. Ultimately though, she is showing you that your friendship isn’t that important to her. I suggest you do the same.

@Screamingabdabz he seems like a helpful dad. So i don’t get it, i guess she rather priotize her other friends instead or idk.

its not like a craving one on one time every week or every month but it would be gold time if

I don't understand the bitter comment..
Aside from that I'm sorry it sounds like you have had some bad experiences with not so nice friends if they always take and never give. That's not fair on you. Not everyone is like that though and wanting to bring your baby to things doesn't mean someone is a bad friend. Maybe there's more to it with this friend and she's behaving shittily in other ways? No of course people don't love a child the same way parents do, that's a given. But your friend loves her child that way and maybe she's just the kind of mother who doesn't want to be away from her baby. Mothers have very different ways of doing things and she might just be one that's more comfortable bringing her baby.

I understand op, I've got children and I don't like it.