Nurseries for 12 week-old babies - ok or not?

[weatherthestorm]

Inspired by the current boarding school thread ... Now that there is widespread awareness of 'boarding school syndrome', are we not, as a society, in danger of sleepwalking into raising a generation whose mental well-being is going to be impacted by even earlier separation into a form of institutional care? Will the next generation be defined by 'childcare syndrome', alongside and exacerbating the mental health epidemic that is already emerging through unlimited access to social media content? Will we look back in disbelief that we ever thought it was ok to put babies, as young as 12 weeks into long days in nurseries, where they spend most of their waking lives before they even have any concept of themselves as a whole, separate being? AIBU that we need to lose the taboo / discomfort around engaging with this important issue, before it's too late?

I think we need to push for more research into the impact of the societal shift towards babies spending most of their waking life in nursery settings.

I would be far more shocked and disappointed by a societal shift that saw women dropping out of the workforce. We need mums in the workforce and the gender pay gap to close. Thus we need men and employers to rise to the challenge, and also the government needs to ensure there is good affordable childcare available to all.

In loving and stable homes, even less than ‘perfect’ childcare, doesn’t make a huge difference in the long run, from what I have seen anyway.

I didn’t send my babies at three months, and don’t know anyone who did. So I don’t know how much time people need to spend being disingenuously ‘sad’ (ie judgmental), as the numbers are pretty small.

I am not sure what the perfect age is anyway. 12 months is cited as ok, not sure exactly why.

It’s always amusing when staff who provided poor care in the nurseries where they worked, tell others not to send their kids to the care of people like them.

I don’t see this situation as ‘terribly sad’ either. Most kids in decent nurseries leave these places unscathed! My uni kids are testament to this!

I think we should talk about it and should raise hell with the government that women are being forced back to work before their baby is a year old. I’m not suggesting it’s the mothers’ fault and I understand it’s easier to brush the issues under the carpet but I do think it could have long term effects.

It’s not that we provide poor care, don’t be silly. We are not one on one like a mother or father would be. You cannot compare the two.
I have seen small babies make strange when their parent comes to collect at 7 pm after being there for 12 hours. Believe me, it IS terribly sad for a very young baby.

The reason why I can spend more than just bedtime with my kids is because I continued to work hard and move up the career ladder. It meant going back to work at 12 weeks but also meant flexible working and spending more than bedtime with my children.

It was absolutely worth it. It was also for my children but sure, to further my career too. Men do it all of the time and they are big heroes providing for their families, why can’t I do the same just because I’m a woman?

It's only one on one for your first child. Most people go on to have at least 2 children.

I have twins as well as an older child. It wasn’t one on one for very long.

I can't see that full time from 12 weeks long term is great, but how many people are actually doing that?

My eldest was in childcare by 16 weeks, but that was for a few hours one or two days per week. I imagine that that is far more common. I was a far better parent for it.

I don't think being home full time with mum for years is always great, either. It's not "natural" to do that without a lot of other adults around, and a lot of people don't have much family support.

I think I have a better relationship with my lovely kids than my mum did with me. She did stay home for years, and was so burnt out by it.

Check my post, I said parents not women. Glad you think it was worth it. 12 weeks is so young and you never get that time back but hey ho. Thankfully you didn’t have to put your children in full time at 12 weeks so you had more time than just putting a baby down at night.

Ridiculous argument. How on earth is your baby better off in a nursery setting at 12 weeks than home with you and a sibling?

Please. No one tells men they don’t get that time back in an attempt to make them feel guilty for daring to want a career.

It is classed as full time. They go 5 days a week, I just manage my own diary and either me or DH are usually able to pick them up early.

There is a huge difference in a few hours a couple of times a week than 12 hours a day, every day which is absolutely awful if you don’t absolutely have to.

The ridiculous argument is acting like every child is an only child and gets one on one attention at home.

I would judge BOTH parents for having kids and putting them in a full time setting at 12 weeks to further their careers. Picking them up early? You think that is a flex?

Ok. Answer the question. Would your 12 week old get better one on one attention and care with you and siblings at home or in a nursery setting all day every day?

For young babies I would prefer to use a registered childminder, it's what I did but back in the early 2000's, the 'nursery' option wasn't so readily available.

And thank you, dear Childminders who helped care for my baby from just a few weeks old; I will never forget you.

It certainly isn’t just putting them to bed at night which you incorrectly assumed.

Depends on the age gap and the help you have available. I had one to one time through most of the day with my second dc, my first was in preschool when she was born, and DH was home shortly after eldest got home. It was valuable in establishing breastfeeding and being able to engage in lots of focused activities, and for taking her out to specific activities like sensory and massage.

I have 3 under 2 until next month.

Whatever. A 12 week old in full time care to further a career is something a lot of people would never do unless they had to and even then they would hate it as already mentioned many times up thread. You and your husband’s careers are more important to you and that is your choice. Right or wrong.

Both are important to me. I can have both and don’t need to choose one or the other.

Plenty of posts here on Mumsnet where putting babies in full time nurseries is considered the best choice,by mothers that feel like staying home they re losing their identity, or that consider it better to have time apart so they are better mothers and so on.
Not all are in a situation if having to use nurseries, but I blame the lack of worth that society places on mothering.
I have friends that work in nurseries and they admit it is soon sad to see young children/babies there first thing in the morning and are the last ones to leave.
Would be better to spend time considering if having children is a selfish choice when there is no time to take care of them,especially in the very early years.

ours was ‘Outstanding’ …

Both are as important to you and that speaks volumes.

And tbh we can't pretend that there are no biological differences in the postpartum period, of course comments are geared towards mothers rather than men( as a pp was complaining about)
The early weeks and months are all about baby and mother's bond, a father role would be important a bit later.

I don’t think nurseries are good at that stage. I personally think a year maternity leave followed by a year paternity leave would be the ideal compromise. My husband has always been incredibly involved 50/50 parent and now as teenagers/adults I can see how beneficial that has been for our kids.