Nurseries for 12 week-old babies - ok or not?

[weatherthestorm]

Inspired by the current boarding school thread ... Now that there is widespread awareness of 'boarding school syndrome', are we not, as a society, in danger of sleepwalking into raising a generation whose mental well-being is going to be impacted by even earlier separation into a form of institutional care? Will the next generation be defined by 'childcare syndrome', alongside and exacerbating the mental health epidemic that is already emerging through unlimited access to social media content? Will we look back in disbelief that we ever thought it was ok to put babies, as young as 12 weeks into long days in nurseries, where they spend most of their waking lives before they even have any concept of themselves as a whole, separate being? AIBU that we need to lose the taboo / discomfort around engaging with this important issue, before it's too late?

In the UK you only see babies sent in that early at the really high end nurseries where senior execs and £100k+ contractors send their kids. It's not something offered at midrange nurseries simply because it isn't needed as people on low income usually quality for SMP (enhanced or not) or MA.

DD's nursery does offer it but there are still only four babies under 6 months old and I think only one of them started even close to 3 weeks old.

Is this a US thread? 2 kids through nursery and never once saw a baby that young. They all seem to start around 1years old. The OP is moaning about a problem that doesn't exist unless she's talking about a different country?

Why have a baby in the first place then?
a child is not something you can pick up and abdicate responsibility for at will!

Do you ask fathers the same question?

Why have a baby in the first place then?
a child is not something you can pick up and abdicate responsibility for at will!

Really? I didn't realise using trusted, paid for childcare was abdicating responsibility for your child.
What a ridiculous comment

Yes they do. They pay council tax, value added tax, inheritence tax, fuel duty, stamp duty, capital gains tax, car tax, insurance premium tax.

It's a mumsnet myth that "people who don't work don't pay tax." Along with "you can't have a mortgage if you're self employed" or "you don't have to pay child support if you're self employed".

Why have a baby if you can’t afford / don’t want to take a full years maternity leave?

Is this what you’re asking?

So you abdicate responsibility for them if they go to nursery before 12 months but at 12 months they just go to nursery?

Did you and your DH take the full year off work?

@Parker231 I don’t see how that is relevant to the question I have asked the poster.

People understandably get defensive about the decisions they had to make due to a society that doesn't prioritise/value care. That shouldn't stop us debating if this is good for babies. Babies want and need their mother above all else.
Both my children went to nursery 3 days a week from 15 months. I would have been much happier had that been at 2 years, though I of course acknowledge we were very fortunate not to have to send them earlier.

Financially neither DH or I need to work but both have careers we have studied for and enjoy. DT’s went to full time nursery at six months ( normal maternity leave then). They thrived and went to an excellent nursery (1:2 ratio in the baby room), had well qualified staff ( including teachers and nurses) with low turnover. Happy children = happy parents.

Well yes it is isn’t it? 😄

No I think the parent should raise the child not the State unless it is totally necessary to place them in childcare.

The State! The nursery we used had nothing to do with ‘The State’

Working parents do raise their children. Making sure they are safe in nursery whilst they work and financially provide for them is part of that.

Resurrection how exactly?
I haven’t resurrected anything 😁

@KnittyNell Nobody had posted on this thread in days, is what I clearly meant.

Almost 2 weeks! Someone must be bored.

No I think the parent should raise the child not the State unless it is totally necessary to place them in childcare.

The state? What on earth are you talking about?

Working parents who use childcare are still raising their children. Making decisions about childcare and providing financially for your family are part of being a parent.

I think this is a good discussion, which has got lost in the usual bun - fight.

I am by no means advocating a US style system where parents are forced to put their babies into very long daycare from a very young age. I do think that is something we should strive to avoid.

I disagree that limited amounts of high quality daycare are worse than "good enough" parenting. There's been a lot of work on this over the years, and there's just no convincing evidence of that.

What's really important is that the baby's needs are met, and it feels safe. The baby does not need to be in the primary caregiver's care 24/7 post 12 weeks for that to occur.

It's often trotted out here that a grandparent or relative is a far better option. In the real world, I don't think that's true for most people, either. Not for regular, reliable care.