Being sensitive when friends don't reply to messages (having seen them)

[Anuta77]

Just to be clear I know that everyone is busy and are not obliged to immediately reply to my messages. I totally get not feeling like replying at the moment and even forgetting. It happens to me. But even if I forget, I end up remembering the unanswered message and reply something saying sorry, got busy, .... I also think that if one forgets the message, if they somehow think of you one day, they would open the messaging app and would see that they never answered something.

If I have nothing else to contribute to the conversation or someone sends some info that doesn't require a full answer, I at least acknoledge with some thumbs up or a heart or whatever.

By the way, I am very busy myself by the way, with kids, work, renovations, etc. I just think it's the polite thing to do.

So when friends just see my message and then never reply, it bugs me, especially when it happens several times. I obviously don't throw a tantrum or say anything, but it turns me off and makes me less motivated to start a conversation again. The worse is that it happens even with my close friend who's strong on manners.

I even changed hairdressers after I sent one hairdresser some info we discussed during the haircut and told her how my husband loved my hair. She ignored my message (she's very active on facebook and I could see that the message was seen), I found another hairdresser.

AIBU? How others react to their messages being ignored?

I wouldn't even notice. Certainly not until I came to message the person again.

Yea, I sometimes I don't notice too, but it's because the person is not important ;), but even when the person is not my close friend, I still try to acknoledge the message just to be nice.

I really do forget about it as soon as I send a message. Unless it is something that I am trying to arrange, in which case I may remember it for a day or so. I don't even check if the message was read. Sorry, I don't have the time or mental space for that.
As far as me reading and not answering. Guilty as charged. It happened just a few months ago. My friend sent me a message, I was busy with work so opened it and thought to myself I reply when I finished. Two weeks later, bless him, he sent me a message asking if I was alright. Luckily, my friends are fine with it. They know I love them, really and that it's often best to call.

You changed hairdresser because she didn't respond to your message about you husband liking your hair?
That's an OTT reaction

I mean, there are a lot of hairdressers around here.
Would you sincerely not care? I'm not trying to purposely being difficult, I just felt that she was sharing things with me and then ignoring. I just find it strange to act as if nothing and be just as friendly after that.

Still doesn't make it less weird to change because the presumably busy hairdresser didn't acknowledge your text which didn't require a response

You sound needy. I am busy - I often read messages when I’m out or at work and will reply when I can sit down and give them proper time, you are not entitled to instant gratification through your communication with others.

I find it weird to not acknowledge what is normally a compliment. I also sent her some info about something we talked about, if I knew she wouldn't care, I wouldn't put the time into it. And wouldn't tell her about my husband's reaction.

If you read my message well, I said that I don't expect instant responses. No, I'm not needy, when I see this, I simply continue my life and don't start other conversations unless really necessary.

Presumably you return to her fairly regularly so she could have just been waiting to talk to you in person because she's a busy professional and not your friend...

One of my biggest bugbears is people who are needy with text messages. I have a friend that will text things like “are you alive?!!!!!” Because I didn’t respond to her really long, waffly message about how her cat has fleas and the supermarket delivery is late. Winds me up no end.
Sometimes I read a message and forget I have read it and forget to reply. It’s nothing personal.

Look into CBT.

I would sincerely not care. Where does it end? You send her a text, she has to reply even though it doesn’t need a reply - then do you have to reply to that one? And she has to reply again? Until the end of the world?

I don't know, I think you r reading too much into things and sound a bit high maintenance. Honestly don't worry about it. If you need a reply, text again or phone. Otherwise, let it go! Life's too short to stress the (very) small stuff .....

The stuff with the hairdresser is just weird. You changed hairdresser cos they didn't reply to one text? Sounds a bit odd to me and like you really do get very easily offended.

My advice? Chill! And a just don't stress so much or bother to get offended by things which are not meant to offend you ... relax ...

You sound very needy and demanding. I would not care if someone didn’t read or reply to my message for such small matters. What’s the point of them having to reply?

You don't sound needy or demanding at all to me OP. Its a modern method of communication and not one where everyone has great manners it would seem.

I would feel annoyed sometimes but this is on a different level, OP!
The hairdresser one in particular!

Maybe you should think about changing your settings (where possible) so you can't see if the messages have been read or not, to see if that helps you to cope better.

I think a lot of younger people see it as v rude, but I just think you have to consider that it might not be the big snub you think it is.

You have expectations. People don't always live up to those expectations

You can either continue with the same expectations and continue to be disappointed

Or you can change your expectations

Your choice

So dramatic to change hairdressers because you didn't get a reply. It sounds a bit needy sorry.

I think it depends OP- people do get busy and genuinely forget. I have a very good friend who regularly doesn’t reply- never take offence sometimes she gets back after a few days and we just carry on. I went to text her the other day and realised my two previous messages had been completely ignored so I didn’t bother texting her again.

The hairdresser I assume is not your friend. Why would they need to reply? They did their job, you thanked them. That doesn't require more communication. I personally would have saved that chat for the next hair appointment and gone in then and said 'i loved how you did my hair last time, even my DH noticed!'.

Do you struggle with friends face to face and find it easier to communicate via messages? Wondering if that's why you have different expectations and feel messages should be replied to.

I do understand what you're saying OP but unless what I've said warrants a response, I wouldn't typically give it another thought. I certainly wouldn't be shooting myself in the foot and cutting my nose off to find another hairdresser!

If you read my message well, I said that I don't expect instant responses. No, I'm not needy, when I see this, I simply continue my life and don't start other conversations unless really necessary.

But you are needy. You say you understand people are busy and forget but then you're not understanding and you expect a certain level of response. Your hairdresser is a hairdresser, not a friend or a comms person. If she did a good job of your hair it's crazy to ditch her because she's not big on replying to texts. Saying your DH liked your hair is nice but becomes utterly meaningless if it's actually a test to prove her devotion to you and if she fails it doesn't count for shit that your DH liked your hair and you ditch her. That is weaponising texting to the next level. Stop measuring your worth in WhatsApp's and take people as you find them in reality. You'll be a happier more balanced person.

I even changed hairdressers after I sent one hairdresser some info we discussed during the haircut and told her how my husband loved my hair. She ignored my message (she's very active on facebook and I could see that the message was seen), I found another hairdresser.

I find that very strange. You gave her a compliment on her work and mentioned something else That's the end of the conversation surely, no need for her to reply. Sorry OP, that does sound very needy.