Being sensitive when friends don't reply to messages (having seen them)

[Anuta77]

Just to be clear I know that everyone is busy and are not obliged to immediately reply to my messages. I totally get not feeling like replying at the moment and even forgetting. It happens to me. But even if I forget, I end up remembering the unanswered message and reply something saying sorry, got busy, .... I also think that if one forgets the message, if they somehow think of you one day, they would open the messaging app and would see that they never answered something.

If I have nothing else to contribute to the conversation or someone sends some info that doesn't require a full answer, I at least acknoledge with some thumbs up or a heart or whatever.

By the way, I am very busy myself by the way, with kids, work, renovations, etc. I just think it's the polite thing to do.

So when friends just see my message and then never reply, it bugs me, especially when it happens several times. I obviously don't throw a tantrum or say anything, but it turns me off and makes me less motivated to start a conversation again. The worse is that it happens even with my close friend who's strong on manners.

I even changed hairdressers after I sent one hairdresser some info we discussed during the haircut and told her how my husband loved my hair. She ignored my message (she's very active on facebook and I could see that the message was seen), I found another hairdresser.

AIBU? How others react to their messages being ignored?

In this case, you would tell your friends not to send you voice notes. I dislike them too in some situations unless I'm working on my computer and the message just plays, so I don't send them myself. I figure that texts are the least intruisive medium, but it doesn't mean that I don't care if they are not replied to.

To be honest yes it did change my perception. At least made me realise that they might have been looking as if they cared but they didn't really care that much if they couldn't acknowledge my heartfelt reply.

I bet you're a fun friend!
You're just projecting your stupid judgement on me. Just because I send one message to someone doesn't make me needy. Sending lots of messages and throwing tantrums would be, but you wouldn't know the difference.

👏 Good post @Anuta77

You're not alone. I and quite a few others here are hearing you, and feeling your pain! YANBU!

Regarding the opinion that if you’ve seen that someone is online by they still haven’t replied to you…
Scrolling through social media is a downtime activity (not a great one, granted - I’m guilty of spending too much time on here for example!)
Replying to a text from a friend isn’t the same thing IMO. Sometimes, you’re inviting further conversation. Especially if they text you back immediately as they assume you’re online (I don’t have any of my last seen, online status visible OR my blue ticks. Fuck that!)
Its draining, especially when it is really
mundane chit chat. I will admit, I do tend to reply quicker to something funny or interesting. Just not to a long waffly message about what shops they went to to buy a new skirt

Honestly, this is why I turned off my read receipts on all platforms, I don’t like people knowing when I’ve read their messages and I don’t really care to know when they’ve read mine. If it’s urgent, I’ll call or vice versa.

That would be definetely needy, so not replying would be a way to put a boudary. Maybe the hairdresser in my example found that I was too much telling her that hubby liked the haircut LOL.

I'll probably get told I'm a sensitive snowflake but I can't help how I feel. And what are you supposed to do.. double text? Leave it hanging?

Exactly! I don't like running after people so if they don't reply, I just don't know what to do, so whatever plan I wanted to organize with them doesn't happen.

I got different opinions here.
Feeling are not right or wrong, some people don't care, good to know. Others do.

I've always interpreted the thumbs up as a bit of a 'acknowledged but let's pause' thing, depending on the context of course.

The thing here is that you appear to be trying to change my mind. You won't. It's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, just as you are to yours. This is an AIBU forum. I voted. I put my view across. That's it. There doesn't need to be chapter and verse. The OP is entitled to feel the way she feels, as is tge other PP.a

And yes, I still hold that the PP who chose to text serious news because she didn't want to talk about it ad infinitum did so precisely because she wanted to convey news, but did not want instantaneous responses. If she were expecting everyone who received the message to reply instantly, it doesn't actually benefit anyone.

I have been both recipient and transmitter of serious news. In the former, my assumption was that the transmitter did not want an immediate reply, hence using messaging as the medium. In the latter, I used messaging specifically as I did not want an immediate reply.

I’m not trying to change your mind, just pointing out how easy it would be to offend someone with this approach, whether intended or not.

True, but as has been pointed out to the OP, expecting responses to messages can be equally contentious. For my part, my friends all use messaging in the same way I do, so my risk of offending any of them is quite low. I think I mentioned that I suspect it is a generational thing as we spent many years before messaging existed and survived by speaking to each other.

If its about plans to meet I would get back within a few days. Its the leaving you hanging and not knowing isnt nice. Thats just me. Had one friend super keen to meet then doesnt reply for days. Gets frustrating

But you literally changed hairdressers ( even though you were happy with the way yours did your hair), not because you'd heard the new one was amazing, but because you were pissed off that you didn't get a response to a text message!
If that isn't spitting dummies I don't know what is.

I guess if you don't want to be judged then don't post on AIBU, and don't make ridiculous comments.

She’s your hairdresser, not your mate. She’s just being polite and doing her job!

You come across as a tad needy.

"What part of the body do you even use to read and process information?"

Hmm yes it's a big mystery why your texts go unanswered...

I find it rude when people don't reply to my messages so I'm with you OP.

The attitude of some people on here might explain why they don't get replies

I’m with you op.

I find it rude and certainly tells me where in the social order I sit in someone’s life when a message is not acknowledged.

It bothers me too.
There, I’ve said it.

It's rude.
Especially if they respond to group messages and ignore other messages!

Some people (me) aren't good with whtspp op. I hate the feeling of having to respond, take my time and respond whenever I can, want, if I remember, and usually end up forgetting or it becomes stupidly late to reply. It has nothing to do with the person who is writing it has to do with me being busy, forgetful, life getting in the way, and having an information overload and gazillion messages to reply from everyone.
I have this needy friend who gets annoyed and starts sending passive aggressive "are you ok" messages. I seriously wanted to never reply her again and find it rude that she expects replies. Even for a stupid Instagram link. How does she have time to get offended?! Fulfilling this expectation becomes a chore and I don't need any more chores in my life. So, yes, yabu.