Being sensitive when friends don't reply to messages (having seen them)

[Anuta77]

Just to be clear I know that everyone is busy and are not obliged to immediately reply to my messages. I totally get not feeling like replying at the moment and even forgetting. It happens to me. But even if I forget, I end up remembering the unanswered message and reply something saying sorry, got busy, .... I also think that if one forgets the message, if they somehow think of you one day, they would open the messaging app and would see that they never answered something.

If I have nothing else to contribute to the conversation or someone sends some info that doesn't require a full answer, I at least acknoledge with some thumbs up or a heart or whatever.

By the way, I am very busy myself by the way, with kids, work, renovations, etc. I just think it's the polite thing to do.

So when friends just see my message and then never reply, it bugs me, especially when it happens several times. I obviously don't throw a tantrum or say anything, but it turns me off and makes me less motivated to start a conversation again. The worse is that it happens even with my close friend who's strong on manners.

I even changed hairdressers after I sent one hairdresser some info we discussed during the haircut and told her how my husband loved my hair. She ignored my message (she's very active on facebook and I could see that the message was seen), I found another hairdresser.

AIBU? How others react to their messages being ignored?

You're saying that to make me feel bad? I don't know what is your problem, but nobody lost sleep over it, including me, so relax there.

So many people can't find the time to reply to a friend but can sit on MN replying to compete strangers.

@BeasBees thats great you recognised that.

im in the other camp, I absolutely hate texting/ WhatsApp and if someone sends me a voice note I would inwardly seethe. I just hate the intrusion. It’s my issue but I rarely respond to WhatsApp’s. But I think I am a good friend and good company in real life.

What is more obsessive with me? Why is everyone obsessed with the hairdresser and misses everything else?

I’m really sensitive and I get a tad upset when i’ve asked a friend a question or try to meet up with no response. - is how I feel, but I guess your need to judge is too strong.

Yea, exactly, because for some reason writing in forums is more interesting. Good point! 😂

You sound like hard work tbh.

Initially, I hated voice notes, but I have two friends who use them now and it's lovely as I get to hear their voices, they live abroad and finding time to chat with timezone differences and the busyness of life means that we get a little 'slice' of each other's lives every now and again. I would say we exchange a few voice notes probably every 3 months or so but these are very long-term life-long friends so we don't need to speak that often to keep the connection, we meet up in real life when we are in the same country too.

Tbf you can choose, when and if on here. As it should be.

I'm just a customer and she's just a hairdresser! There are other customers for her and other hairdressers for me.

Because you mentioned the hairdresser thing 😳 isn’t that the point of this post OP?

I find the pressure to be in WhatsApp groups and the sheer quantity of messages overwhelming. It’s a constant barrage and I am getting as though I ignore them. It isn’t personal - it’s overwhelm. If you really want to communicate, phone me.

No, the point was about friends not replying, I shouldn't have talked about the hairdresser and just given the examples with friends. I don't know what's the big deal with the hairdresser honestly.

Oh wouw.
I bet some of the people on this group would say that maybe he was uncomfortable and didn't know what to say, but when you care you make an effort and this was a serious thing.

No-one said she's the only hairdresser in the world, of COURSE there are others.

It's the reason you sulked off to another one that's batshit.

You have no idea how I reply to friends lilacsloth. I actually wrote that I'm making efforts to be nice, I'm only defensive when people get stuck on one thing and miss the actual question.

People are making a point about the hairdresser because it speaks volumes about your interactions with people and how you've spat your dummy when you haven't liked something that 99.9% of people wouldnt even realise happened. The fact that these interactions keep happening with you also speaks volumes. You could probably do with chilling. But I can see from your responses you're not really bothered about anyones opinion, you just want to be right.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Thank you.
Yes, a long term friend forgets to answer my texts sometimes, including a question related to a problem she wanted to discuss with me, which I find extremely weird), but then she would send long thorough messages, so I let it go (but still don't like when it happens and suck it up).

Glad you found compatible friends, that's the way to go!

I’m very good at replying I also think it’s rude to ignore, however as a one off I ignored a message recently from someone. The message had originally been sent in a family WhatsApp group that my teens and I have not been added to, my husband had obviously not responded so the message was cut and pasted and sent to me a week later. I hadn’t even known about the original message. I thought it was rude to use me to prompt my husband AND it confirmed to me that the family know they’ve not added me. Therefore, they do not deserve a reply. 😂

No, one example doesn't define me. I've had customers yelling and insulting me for stupidies, so me simply changing hairdressers is litelly NOTHING compared to what people do.

Definetely not! 😂

You’re sounding a bit unhinged, OP. No one’s denying there are lots of hairdressers, but if you had a genuinely good one, who was good with your hair, hence your husband’s compliment, it’s quite odd to stop going to her because she didn’t reply to a text message.

What's changing hairdressers got to do with customers yelling at you? You changed hairdressers because you spat your dummy out, not because a customer yelled or didn't yell at you.

I actually do get you with the hairdresser, OP. It’s basic decency to acknowledge a message, especially one with a compliment. Just a like would be fine. Not asking for any sort of conversation. If someone complimented you in real life and you just blanked them and walked away it would be rude. This is no different imo.

I rather agree with you, OP.
I think not replying at all is rude and gives you feeling that you are being ignored. I wouldn’t change a hairdresser after this if she was a good hairdresser but I certainly would feel less loyal.
If a friend sends me some info we talked about I acknowledge it at least with a thumb up.
If a friend asks me a question I reply quite soon or later with “sorry” and a reason.
If a friend sends me a txt about something in their life it depends on the text.
My dog just died - I would reply asap.
Took dog to a new class today. - I would struggle to reply to such a random piece of information, I might send a thumb up, not sure.

Saying this my own sister has a habit of not replying so I’ve read it as she’s not interested and started sharing less with her.
So imo by not replying your friends are signaling how important you are for them/ how interested they are in you. Unless you are texting them about random things like “took dog to a new class today”.