To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

We all have our struggles in life, and she may yet have struggled to deal with. They are just jealous at the end of the day and to act on that is quite frankly really ugly and says a whole lot more about them than her. We only get one life and maybe one day she will be a CEO or a magistrate and absolutely smash it...maybe she won't but bullying someone out of their chances in life helps no one.

Challenge them

Your corporate culture has a LOT to answer for. In a healthy workplace this would not be tolerated.

They should be challenged for their judgement and open derision of a work colleague. It shows a lack of professional respect and a poor handle on acting with integrity.

No point complaining on the internet about it. Either challenge it or don’t. If your workplace includes many privileged people, why is this woman being singled out for ire?

I have a theory that the other privileged people are all men! There is another girl similar age who is quite privileged but not to the same extent. I think people were fine until the knowledge of the flat became known.

That would make sense. People are harder on a woman about this stuff.

Do you make it known you like her and are friendly with her? Otherwise your silence makes it look like you agree with the bully's.

Maybe ask her if she's ok?

I'm sure she's perfectly good to fight back if needed, maybe she can hear and is aware of the comments and is used to that kind of crap from adults who should know better. Most high net worth individuals are pretty tough.

Then why don’t you say something. why sit silently and post anonymously on the internet and sit and say nothing at work? That makes you as culpable and complicit.

Would they bully a council estate employee? No you’d feel incensed and deal with it.

She may be privileged but she still deserves respect.

Misogyny is alive and well then. Call it out OP, the fact they are picking on a young woman for no reason apart from her fortunate birth is disgraceful.

You need to ask them to stop bitching. How would you handle it if they were isolating someone else for the way they live?

To be honest this is typical British mentality, prevalent throughout our culture.

Resent Rich people, have them pay for running society, moan about everything but never take any steps or risks to make it yourself.

Your colleague is not self made, but even if she was, they would treat her the same way.

Crabs in a bucket.

I'm working class and I dislike inverted snobs as much as I do conventional snobs.

Perhaps point out that those people bitching about her would almost certainly take a mortgage free flat if they were given one, so it’s not nice to bitch about her good fortune.

Your workplace culture seems incredibly pathetic and immature. This sort of behaviour towards a colleague should not be tolerated and I would be escalating what you see to management.

I definitely would!

This is true. I suspect if it was a man they would not be bitching about his privilege. They’d probably all be trying to be his mate.

I think it’s really unkind of them. Of course people should be judged on character and not what they own. Yes, there is a lot of inequality in the, but people are still allowed to have money. They need to grow up.

What are you going to do to change this?

She needs a champion and a mentor.

I love supporting younger people, and watching them grow. To those who are being unkind, I would tell them in no uncertain terms to cut it out.

People shouldn’t be talking/gossiping about her behind her back in the office. If heard anything like that at work I would definitely say something.

Plus they should be focussing on work not gossiping about other employees.

Absolutely this

OP is there anything you can do for your colleague to help and support?

You are clearly concerned about the way she is being treated and I don't think YABU at all, she may need a "friend" so to speak to stand up for her and to make her feel welcome!

The conversations your colleagues seem to be having sounds like jealousy or they feel threatened!

I think you always get that one group at work who are tight and like to pick on others. Ours is a group of middle aged women 🙄 it's so petty!

Are you using the term Etonian as an umbrella term for the alumni of any top boys' public school?

Letting it drop about the graduation gift is really tone deaf. Why would anyone do it? I'd possibly not be too worried about her. She'll be fine.

Not that I’m excusing the colleagues’ behaviour, but If she’s so intelligent, she really should have had the wit to keep quiet about a freebie £2m flat. Especially now, with rents soaring.