To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

Jealousy is trotted out on mumsnet far too often in my opinion but this actually reeks of it. And I agree with pp, they are clearly think a young woman is an easier target. You should stick up for her, tell them to pack it in

Call it out and be a mentor to her. There is so much tall poppy syndrome in British culture aimed at women, it is unreal.

Victim blaming at its finest. She's young, naive and was just being honest. They are bigots

No I’m referring specifically Eton.

So many people think everyone should be hard up like them, have to start at the bottom of the barrel.
It's madness.

I'm surrounded by a mix of people that had a privileged up bringing, HUGE inheritances and actually never need to work in their lives (but they do) Equally have friends that come from generational "social housing" families who have worked their way up, got great jobs and great careers. Neither are better than the other but we need both types of people in society!

i'd call your colleagues out on it. and i have done in the past.

Maybe when this girl is out of the office you could have a word with your unpleasant colleagues and tell them she’s a perfectly nice girl and doesn’t deserve any of what they’re saying and doing. Ask them to give her the fair chance she deserves to get on with her job.

I dunno if I'd go as far as saying she needs 'a champion and a mentor'. I think it's fair to challenge the bitchiness and to be a friend to her, but I understand the bitterness if she's dropping it in about her mortgage free millionaire home and I'd be much more inclined to mentor and champion people who weren't born to it. In fact I mentor on several schemes in my industry and found myself annoyed at once having to mentor a private school girl. I'm all for helping girls and I did help her, but I'd much rather have helped someone who didn't already have wealth, connections, and the confidence and 'in' that it brings (and yes there are exceptions but this wasn't one). So yeah, be a good friend but I'm sure she can cope and that the upsides to her curse of privilege more than make up for it.

Call them out - something like “ooh, you sound so jealous”! or “as of you guys wouldn’t take a mortgage free flat if it was on offer”. Just shut it down.

I'm sure she won't give 2 fucks about their jealously while she's enjoying her new pad. That's all it is, pure jealousy.

Bit harsh- maybe she's asking for advice..

i probably came across like that myself, I was completely unaware. No doubt I robbed people up the wrong way.

I think that although it might be motivated by jealousy what you’re actually describing is bullying. It doesn’t matter of they’re jealous, in a workplace this kind of behaviour is not on. It should be addressed formally.

Yes, imagine this is not a new experience for her. She surely knows she will be a magnet for people liking other people's money. And envy. Perhaps secretly she likes it.

The gossiping needs to stop though. There isn't enough work to do, clearly.

But, respectfully, so what? You can muse about why people might resent one person’s privilege and not another’s on the internet all day. Yes, if you have a lot of Old Etonians in the workplace, they’ll either all know one another, or at least have some kind of old school tie type bond, so less likely to be individual targets. If you’re genuinely concerned about the situation, challenge it.

Who is actually doing the bitching about her privilege?

They're just jealous, obviously.

Next time it comes up: "It seems really weird how you discuss X constantly. What's that about?"

Or if they say something nasty, a "I'm sorry, what?" and making them repeat it, followed by a pause and a quiet "I thought that's what you said..." might just make them realise how dumb they sound.

it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.

The gossip certainly shouldn't be accepted in the workplace. However, either she's very naive and needs to learn some self-awareness, or she wants to draw attention to her wealth.

If she’s old enough to be a graduate then she’s a woman. “Girl” makes her sound like a child (I edited this bit!)

Also, this work place sounds toxic. Clearly not enough work to do.

If people are gossiping to you - they’re usually gossiping about you too.

It really gets on my nerves that people are so jealous when it comes to people’s good fortune. She deserves respect as if she’s apparently from such wealth at least she’s making an effort to forge her own career rather than live off presumably her parents’ fortune. Speaking as somebody who has no money, lives in a crap rented house and every month is a struggle financially-good for her!

No doubt they are nice to her face. Honestly wht the heck does it matter what people own, it's character that counts. She sounds great to me. I doubt her unpopularity is some quarters bothers her, if she even notices; you say she is lovely and has made friends, you like her. They are only jealous anyway. That sort of resentment is highly unpleasant, I've seen it often and it's beyond me. The girl is a young person, she will face disappointments, illnesses, bereavement and other crises in life the same as anyone else. We are all human beings regardless of economic status. What good does it do anyone to have a chip on their shoulder because someone else seems more affluent? They're horrible but they are only hurting themselves with their poison. Sheesh.

They are jealous; however someone should teach this young lady not to mention all her life, specially to colleagues, keep some things for herself. Noone needs to know everything or whether the apartment is a gift, mortgage free, etc.

Do you think she is a bit show off?

I would imagine she was asked a leading question, not came out with it with no reason too.
Probably a deliberate one from her bullies to try and turn people against her too.

While I agree that she shouldn’t be gossiped about… how does everyone know so much about her? It can only have come from her and if she has t got the sense to not mention things like being gifted a home then she needs to learn.
I have worked with people who didn’t need to work ( arts) and it can be hard to hear about their trust funds, holidays funded by parents, houses gifted etc…
She needs a bit of maturity. Or to realise that she needs to mindful that others aren’t anywhere near as privileged. In my experience many people like her are oblivious and still claim that they ‘worked’ really heard for their position…

It really is wrong, but people are horribly jealous about money.
I've seen it in poorly paid jobs, if they think someone else is getting more privilege, money attention from the boss.

It's people who are unhappy with themselves who behave like this.

I am always really careful never to let anyone know my finacial position.Possibly a good lesson for this young lady to learn.If you were friendly enough with her you could possibly impart this information, to her.She needs to learn to keep her finacial affairs quiet, to herself.

Unfortunately it would happen even if they weren't from the top schools or Unis.
People can be jealous for all sorts of reasons.
She'll learn that Unfortunately, not everyone is rooting for you, even so called "friends".
This is the sort of thing you don't tell all and sundry, because you will be judged.

Unfortunately it's part of British culture to want to tear people down.

Get to know people first before disclosing your private life. No one needed to know this information.
Same as no one needs to know how much your car cost, your holidays etc.

She sounds intelligent, but not street smart. Hipe she doesn't end up with a
C-lodger at this rate.

Work wise, as others have said, call it out.
Do the 4 she gets along with say nothing too when gossipingis going on?

well she has now learned a lesson (there was a thread recently about someone being asked not to wear a Rolex at work, this is a similar situation in terms of how other people look at us)

Mentor her, and make it clear to the people who are talking about her that it is bullying, that if it doesn't stop it will be taken further. Maybe have a quick word with someone more senior, point out that it could also be seen as men ganging up on a young woman too.