To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

what about her colleagues for pushing and questioning her despite the fact she was uncomfortable? aren't they supposed to have sufficient emotional intelligence to not push someone for personal information?

they all work in private banking - i very much doubt this is the first time they have ever encountered a colleague from a wealthy background. particularly as some of them were educated at eton, which is not cheap.

Exactly, context is important and this sounds like she's being picked on.
She isn't wearing expensive clothes and discussing her flat with her colleagues at, I don't know the care home.

Yes, expensive clothes are par for the course in that industry, not exactly unusual. Unless she's dripping head to toe in diamonds, it's hard to imagine what she could be wearing to stand out?

This is all so odd bearing in mind the industry you are working in. I mean she is probably relatively poor compared to many of the clients your colleagues are dealing with on a daily basis.

All very odd.

Yeah I agree they shouldn’t have done that. I hadn’t read that update when I posted my comment.

She’s going to have to toughen up a bit it sounds like.

Unfortunately if she's a minority of wealthy people at work, people think it gives them a pass to treat her like shit. I've seen it happen many times. It is envy and jealously and honestly, people can't help themselves. They love to hate even when it doesn't improve their lives at all.
However on the reverse, if someone not so wealthy was singled out, bullied at work people would be saying take it further, it's unfair. It should be the same regardless IMO

Given that they all work in Asset and Wealth Management for HNWIs, I doubt she's in a minority being wealthy. Private banking is awash with privately educated and very well-off individuals.

Which makes this all the more weird. I think it's more likely to be that she's an easy target because she's younger (so more junior) and female, as opposed to the Eton educated older men in the office.

This recent graduate aside, I find the fact that you and others know so much about your colleagues’ backgrounds and ‘privilege’ really unsettling actually. Is that normal culture in your industry? I wouldn’t have a clue about any of my colleagues and wouldn’t want to. At work we’re all equal.

I couldn’t tell you where most of my colleagues went to uni or school but I can tell you who went to oxbridge or elite public schools - they don’t tend to be quiet about it!

I would be challenging any nasty comments and defending her. We have an extremely privileged guy at work, he calls his dad one of the ‘idle rich’. We’re talking multiple houses abroad, multiple cars, daughter went to finishing school with European royalty. I find it fascinating how the other half live, but nobody is unpleasant to him. I’d be angry if I heard anything unpleasant. So should you be.

@MidnightBlossom I agree with you it shouldn't matter but I wouldn't tell people I was given a house when I first met them. People do get jealous of familial wealth. It's like a lottery winner. They feel the person hasn't earned it and doesn't necessarily deserve it. That's human nature sadly.

Sounds like a mean bunch but also your new colleague also needs to be aware that disclosing her privileged position it will piss people off, rightly or wrongly. We are very comfortable and are in very secure financial position but I am very aware that I don’t need to share our position, it does it have to be divulged. No one at my work or friends know what we have in savings, in assets or income.

Lots of people feel bothered by privilege, which doesn't make sense because it's none of their business, but it's understandable. That doesn't give them the right to be callous, though. Feeling inadequate is one thing, having no character is a whole new ballgame.
Nevertheless, I agree with some people here that she shouldn't have blabbed about the 2mi flat. What was she trying to do? Establish her superiority? If you ask me, everyone has an agenda, she might have one too. I'd look more intently before taking any action.

yes they are jealous and out of order. I would just say well I like her can’t see what your problem is unless you are jealous! They won’t want to admit it though

Do you lack reading comprehension?

You could try just reading the op's updates? It tends to give a bit more information. The op was very clear that the information was not volunteered, but effectively extracted by cross examination and then by searching the internet.

Exactly this, inverted snobbery for sure, ugly jealousy and misogyny thrown in to boot

YANBU she can't control that she's inherited wealth anymore than they can control that they didn't. As you say she's sweet clever and funny and living in her means that just happen to be more than others.

Your colleagues sound jealous and bitter. How awful

Given your industry, I'd consider saying to the worst offenders, if you can treat a colleague that way how can we trust you to treat our clients appropriately?

Is she aware of her privilege and sensitive to the challenges others face who don't share her background? That would make a huge difference to me in how sorry I felt for her.

Christ, you're rude. No, I don't, thanks.

But you clearly lack manners. I'm sorry for you.

Hiya,
so she sounds lovely and your colleagues are rubbish. She will have to navigate 👌🏼

How am I rude? OP was clear none of the information was volunteered or flaunted.
It was obtained through a lot of probing, rude comments (is daddy paying the mortgage? Or no mortgage? - I bet no one would have asked a bloke that!) and assumptions made on google searches.
what was the young lady supposed to say? ‘No comment’? Lie? Being elusive? Then they’d be talking other rubbish about her.

@MariMiceMouse none of us choose wealth or poverty, we have it via birth. They both have drawbacks when growing up, poverty is worse imo, numerous well known reasons.
There are not many of us who would refuse a gift of a free apartment.
Ask her how she feels about the bullying and perhaps challenge the abusive system.