To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

And yet 90% of the votes agree with the OP.

No excuse for mistreating your colleague. However, as she matures she will hopefully learn to read the room a little better. There really isnt any need to show up to the office flaunting visible wealth. Nor does it need to 'come out' that she has had £2m property gifted to her. In fact unless she learns discretion she is putting herself at some risk of more than simply annoying people. With great privilege comes some responsibility, which to me means wearing that with sensitivity and humility. If she's bright she will figure this out. Meanwhile support her by being a friendly face and speaking out when others are spiteful. You may even want to remind your colleagues of the dignity at work policies.

I’m sure she has a wonderful family and friends outside work which will cushion her from any snidey sfhff happening in the office. I very much doubt she needs your pity. Just be nice and friendly and if anyone slags her off in your company tell them jealousy Isn’t attractive.

My daughter goes to a school where there's quite an economical divide between the parents (not as extreme as you're describing but enough to be noticable iyswim) There's snobbery and inverse snobbery from a minor few. The rest are all just down to earth, want to do the school run with no drama and want their kids to get on with the other kids. Most of us couldn't care less whether it's a family who are sitting on millions that they inherited from a wealthy grandparent or a single parent living off housing benefit and tbh we just laugh at the people on both sides who do try to make an issue of it. There will be bitter and judgemental people in all walks of life. The only thing you can do is be inclusive and supportive to this girl and call out any blatant bullying. It sounds like she's got a few people who like her so if she sticks with them and keeps her nose clean she'll be fine. It's really decent of you to care so much and that makes you a credit to your workplace. Just remember though that you can't change the world.

call it out. yes she's incredibly lucky, but privilege exists and that's life. some people have wealthy families and many don't. that's the reality of the world we live in.

unless she's using her finances as a stick to beat someone else with - and you've said she's not - then your colleagues need to grow up and shut up. inverse snobbery is pathetic.

I say this is on her. You can divulge finances or not. It's 100% a choice. It will always be seen as a flex.

Like that knob on Love Is Blind ( I forget his name but anyone who's seen it will know who I'm talking about).

You reap what you sow. She could have just said I'm in a one bedroom and parents helped me with the deposit. If people found out later that it was a 1.5, they'd have appreciated her wanting to appear humble. They might even have assumed her name brands were fake.

My ex colleague got wind of everyone’s finances. Who owned a home, how big, how much it was sold for, if rented - how much was the rent, pension details, holidays, cars….

It was a mix of asking the right questions and online stalking at people and their family members!

Don’t worry I left that workplace as quickly as I could.

Exactly!

It is thoughtless of this young woman to mention a free million pound flat in the company of people who may be struggling to afford a flat share. You might suggest that to her, because if she’s always lived with rich people she may have no idea that people she now works with can be finding high cost of living hard to deal with.

I was at the pub when it became apparent about her flat.
She mentioned casually she couldn’t stay out late as she was moving. People then asked lots of leading questions (can we see pictures, oh that’s lovely, oh where is it, which line will you be getting to work) then one of the guys said “ah you won’t be able to afford that on your salary” and she said oh my dad is helping me which was followed by “ah so daddy pays the mortgage, or is there no mortgage” - cue uncomfortable silence until she said.
I don’t think she meant to brag, she more or less got interrogated.

Publicly call them out on their jealousy. Green doesn’t suit anybody!

Jealousy can be an ugly thing. This girl can't help where she came from or the education her parents chose for her. She didn't ask or demand for it.

She no doubt worked at uni for her grades. She will not know any different from being brought up with money, some call it privileged I would call it lucky.

What matters is her personality and of course if she does her job.

So older and more senior colleagues are being nasty about a young woman on the team because her parents are wealthy? Utterly pathetic.

YANBU.

It's also unwise to divulge such information to colleagues you've known for 5 minutes.

I've met some incredibly wealthy people through work but can't tell you whether their homes are gifted or if they are mortgage free.

do not underestimate how nosy and determined some people can be.

i've worked with people like this, who question everything - new coat, where's it from? not seen that handbag before, is it new, how much was it? where are you going on holiday, where are you staying? all built up over time to try and work out how much money you had and what you were spending, and to judge you accordingly.

i do think the advice for her to be a little more guarded is sensible. be non-committal and don't get drawn in.

They sound jealous!
Just support her the best you can & call the arseholes out on it.

That’s awful of your colleagues to talk to her like that.

I'm quite a jealous person. I hate being like it & I’m working on it - but I’d never talk / interrogate anyone like this. It’s really shitty behaviour.

Some people are obsessed with house prices and salaries.

That’s exactly what my ex colleague was like …. “Oh such and such couldn’t afford that. I’ve checked Glassdoor / found their job spec and they couldn’t afford it. Must be getting help”

“you won’t be able to afford that on your salary”???

1 - that is absolutely no one’s business
2 - there’s no way in hell they would have said that to a man!!

If I were you I’d tell HR.

Well, it was insensitive of the girl to say the least, to mention the price of the flat, if she actually did - or that it was an outright gift.

A person with good social skills would have realised that revealing such good fortune to those who may well be a lot less fortunate, just isn’t done.

I don't think she should be getting bullied, but I do think she needs to learn to be more discreet about her wealth. Letting everyone know the value of her free property and turning up to work in head to toe designer stuff is not going to rub people up the wrong way rightly or wrongly.

@MidnightBlossom I worked with someone who would take photos of handbags under desks while colleague was in the loo / meeting….and Google image search where it came from and would announce the price to the office (If it was high!)

equally, isn't there a truism that you shouldn't ask questions when you might not like the answer?

if she'd swanned in and airily announced that she was getting a free flat, then yeah, fair enough.

but if she says she's moving and then ends up being cross-questioned by people who want to know exactly where, and what it looks like, and how she can afford it and so on - that's on them, is it not?

That’s not what happened. They interrogated her until she answered.

She didn’t mention the price, others have since figured it out from area etc.
Again she was forced into an answer by leading questions.

This is why you NEVER talk about money at work or anything to do with your private life . In my experience it's best just to go under the radar .