To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

She maybe will learn not to casually drop into convo that you've been gifted a 2 million pounds house as a graduation present. It's pretty jaw dropping to some people, and I would definitely think she was beyond spoilt. It sounds awful but I'd question why she even needs to work? But of course that would be feelings I was embarrassed about. And I wouldn't want anyone to know. I would try and make friends with her and see her good points. She can't help coming from a loaded family any more than we can't help being bang average/broke.
But maybe she could try and hide a bit of her privilege, at least at first impressions. It's a shame but it might be the only way.
If the worst thing that happened to her is people are jealous of her wealth then I'd say she'll get on just fine.

A simple comment about moving house shouldn't elicit so much discussion.

But I agree - the less shared with colleagues the better.

It also shows the downside of work social events! If she'd not gone to that event, none of this would have happened.

She's a bit tone deaf saying that she's been given a flat worth £2m, though. Never talk about money with work colleagues!

i was a source of frustration because i was junior and earning peanuts, which they knew.

however i had a good eye for a bargain and my mum taught me to sew. altering clothes is a quick way to make something look much better quality. i used to use an old bag which was my nan's. at the time it looked old but not old fashioned. it wasn't a brand, she'd just looked after it well and i liked it.

drove them mad that they couldn't work out the handbag, and that if they asked me where i'd bought something, the answer was usually oxfam.

It's not like she's been bragging about her free flat is it? She mentioned she was moving, and people got nosey and pushed for details.
They should mind their own business if they can't handle being jealous of a lucky young lady. Pathetic.

but she didn't. she got interrogated and then people have found out where it is, looked online and worked out how much it cost.

I certainly wouldn’t lose any sleep over someone so privileged… I’m sure she’ll be just fine!
This is the flip side of sending your kids to posh schools… in the real world people are not as impressed…

How horrible.

Nasty

would you like some ketchup for that chip?

In fairness, this young woman will have to deal with encountering people who resent her privilege throughout her life, if she is in workplaces that involve taking a step outside her usual social circles, so she will gave to evolve a way of handling it.

Actually she may not if she has grown up only with people like her.
DD is at a Uni where there are a LOT of Private school kids from Surrey and similar, she says most of them are lovely but have no clue at all that their experiences aren't universal.
They don't ask her IF she is going skiing for Christmas, they ask WHERE she is going skiing for Christmas.

I'm sure she will, but that doesn't make it ok to treat people that way.

What is it that makes you think people want her to fail? Are they saying nasty things? Are they not working well in the team? Have they made criticism of her?

They're Old Etonians.

This mindset I keep seeing online that it’s acceptable to be nasty to anyone who’s got more than you is very strange.

The others started asking questions, including a dig about not being able to afford it on her salary, and she just told the truth - was she meant to lie? I find people that lie about their privilege and pretend they’ve done everything themself far more unbearable than those who are honest about it.

This was my guess before I saw this post. She is privileged, but also has the audacity to be young and female to go with it.

Your workplace culture sounds horrific - I would challenge it when people say negative things. I wouldn't spend too much energy feeling sorry for her though, because with that level of privilege, the odds will be stacked in her favour throughout her life. This is one extremely minor blip.

I would speak to these people either publicly if appropriate or privately. It's not fair on her and she likely won't feel confident enough to stick up for herself.

It doesn't need to be a huge thing but pointing out you've noticed the digs and intrusive questions might be enough.

They’re not cruel, they’re plain jealous. Very ugly.

I would be telling them they are coming across as jealous and it’s not a good look.

This is a bizarre thing to have a stick up your arse about!

It was very clear what the OP meant.

‘ It sounds awful but I'd question why she even needs to work?’

For Something to do. Charities, arts, publishing is stuffed full of Amelia’s and Toby’s who don’t really need the money. It’s part of what keeps the wages very low for entry level positions in these industries which obvs isn’t an issue for some but a big problem for the WC graduates who actually need to live off the money they’re paid.

I think this is fair. There is a LOT of fawning over wealth on MN, with people going to great pains to be happy for rich people (so as not to appear jealous) and framing the very privileged as 'suffering the same as everyone else'. In the real world the majority of people think this is a nonsense and if they had the choice of being the cosseted daughter of a multi millionaire and never having anyone be spiteful about their privilege...well, it's no choice at all really, is it?
In an ideal fluffy world, all the less well off people would be absolutely delighted at the good fortune of their young colleague, wearing their months salary to work and being gifted a home. They'd oo and coo and happily go home to their debts and house share, so happy for her, because she's 'nice'. In the world we live in this will not happen and she will need coping strategies.

Rightly or wrongly, offices have always had politics and gossip. Hopefully it’ll be a steep learning curve for her re humility and not oversharing with colleagues. If she’s great at her job, in time she will likely be judged on that. If not….

Aren't you a delight

She could perhaps try to not mention her privilege so much. I mean, "daddy bought me a flat in Mayfair" is, at the very least, going to garner some smirks. To be honest, although the situation is of course unpleasant, at the end of the day this young woman obviously doesn't have to work. I would feel far more sorry for the impoverished and bullied office cleaner for example.