To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist , a stick up your arse about!?. How charming. There's a tendency to accuse some privately-educated politicians of having been to Eton, when they haven't, which in this case, the OP didn't do.

it's in op's updates. all she did was respond to people's questions. they know because she told them but the only reason she told them was because they were pressing her. op's colleague made a mistake volunteering as much information as she did, but she'll have learned from this.

i said earlier in the thread that there's an old saying that you shouldn't ask questions if you might not like the answer you get.

i worked with a graduate recently who i suspect is in a very similar position. she was a bit more guarded than op's colleague and i don't blame her. but it was obvious she wasn't a typical skint grad as she wore expensive clothes, had just come back from a lovely long haul holiday and drives a very nice car. i asked her where she'd been on holiday, she told me and all i said was it sounded lovely and i hoped she'd had a nice time. i didn't ask her for the name of the resort, or how she got there, or how she afforded the trip, and i didn't then sit and speculate about where her financial set-up has come from. it's none of my business, and it's not going to make me feel any better - or change anything in my life - to sit and be bitter over someone else's good fortune.

What on earth is a 1.5 bed?

Honestly I'd pity people living in what's presumably a small shoebox for that price - and pity the people envious of them even more.

I'd rent it out and live somewhere bigger personally.

That's not what you were objecting to though. The OP said "Etonians", and you corrected her, saying she should have called them, "Old Etonians".

Everyone understood what the OP meant, including you.

i said earlier in the thread that there's an old saying that you shouldn't ask questions if you might not like the answer you get.

I think the OP's colleagues did like the answers they got though. It has given them fuel for plenty more gossip, and that's what gossips love.

Not sure why you'd reach that conclusion.

Bullies don't move on because they don't get a reaction. They dig in harder, and try and get more people to join them

You are determined to make it her fault rather than the bullies? Why is that? What do you think that says about you?

Her manager needs to be stepping in to stop the constant conversations about her. You say she’s on your team do you mean you’re her team leader? Or are you on the same team? If you’re the team lead step in, if you’re not have a word with your mutual team lead.

But she is not worthy of more protection in the workplace than others because she’s so rich. Constantly wearing obvious designer clothes and accessories in an environment where others don’t and most couldn’t afford to is a bit gauche.

i agree. it's a dick move to use the information they prised out of her, as a stick to beat her with. people like this will always find someone to pick on, because they aren't happy unless they are pulling someone else apart and the reason why won't matter. the same type of people who moan about someone else getting adjustments for a medical condition, and they feel entitled to know every cough and sniff of that person's medical history.

sensible advice for her to not give them anything further, ignore any bitchy comments, and they'll get bored and move onto something else.

I queried the use of the term. As a comparison, 'Mancunian' and 'Old Mancunian' have different meanings.

I don't think it's her fault at all.

But I do think this is something she will need to learn from. She has a long life ahead of her, and will have to navigate many relationships with acquaintances and colleagues in the future - not all of whom will be nice people. Giving people a stick to beat you with isn't a good idea.

Right now, she's a naive fresh graduate. It won't take long before she is more guarded with people who, after all, are her colleagues, not her friends.

That guy is a dick. Who asks someone how they can afford a particular house “on their salary”?

Ah, so you thought people might have assumed that the OP was talking about people who'd come from the town of Eton, and wanted to ensure there was no misunderstanding?

Bollocks. Everyone understand what "Etonian" means, and nobody uses it to mean someone who comes from the town.

I think inherited wealth is one of those things that can really divide people. However generous and genuinely lovely she is.

Even though people will now appear equal at work you can't know someone's past.

You'll have people on your team who may have gone without meals as children. May have been often cold. Probably didn't have a good coat at school and were bullied for not having the right uniform. They probably went without more than you know.

She has come from a life of absolute privilege and unless she's had exceptional parenting, she really won't have a clue.

She's probably never had to decide between eating or heating. She's unlikely to have ever had to rewear an outfit because she couldn't do laundry. She's unlikely to have declined an invitation because she's broke.

In my life I've have close friends who are both extremes.

I'm generalising a lot but knowing the Oxbridge crowd, she's the type that will go skiing in the winter and on white sandy beaches in the summer with. It won't occur to her that others might be saving hard for a package holiday somewhere.

If you can gently gently guide her, do. Because even if it's not going to improve her situation where you are, it will help her in life.

I think the word I'm looking for is being gracious. She's alienating her work colleagues without knowing why.

I'd have no problems with her privilege, it's obviously jealousy and anger from others.
My question would be, why does she need to work?
(Unless of course she wants to).

Just stating facts. The tables are turning, all sorts of companies who previously courted the private school/Oxbridge/ I can afford to intern because mummy pays my rent types
have woken up to the fact that it really isn’t the way to get good, hardworking, smart employees who can relate to their clients. Unless you’re Coutts or Prada or similar.

Schemes are starting all over the corporate world and elsewhere to get high achieving school leavers and grads from lower socioeconomic backgrounds into position that would previously have only been for the privileged.
Now it’s people like OPs poor little rich girl who are being rejected. But being privileged she’ll be fine, there will be many other avenues open to her.

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist , Eton is a town not a village.
I object to it being used as a derogatory term, or as a description of anyone educated at a private school.

Which makes you another person asking things that are none of your business. I hope you wouldn't ask that in real life!

Could be lots of reasons, maybe she wants to, maybe her parents put conditions on what they will give her (such as having a job), maybe they have put all the money they have into nice properties so need to trust that she will earn for herself to continue that lifestyle.
From the conversations I’ve had with her I think she wants to and she told me more about her families situation, they sold their business so I don’t know for sure but I’d imagine that’s probably not an endless pot now.

She's just very lucky.
People can still be nice to her.

It sounds like she didn't show off but answered questions honestly.

Would the mean colleagues be happier if she had lied?

😂
And I thought the OP put this thread in for interest.
I'm in a similar position and stopped working at 25, never met anyone who would actually want to.

It sounds horrible for her
But sadly probably wise not to flaunt expensive clothes and accessories and be open about gifted very expensive flats. Shouldn’t be that way (inverted snobbery) but obviously it can lead to resentment and being “othered”

This may be a distant relative’s daughter, same kind of setup.
What no one realises is that behind all that money is a lot of tragedy and insurance payments is basically where the wealth comes from. Her first class degree is her own making, no one could buy that for her. And she works because she wants to.
People are twats.

We don’t know exactly who asked for or offered what information on this occasion . But if she isn’t being cross questioned she has a chance to steer the conversation away from her free flat.

Object away, but objecting to one of THE most famous private schools being used as an example of private schools is pretty ridiculous!
Would you prefer Rugby, or Roedean, or Brighton College, or St Paul’s?? How about Harrow or Winchester or Hill House or Cheltenham??

And as for Eton being used in a derogatory way - well, you can blame that on our former ETON educated PM and his mates who right royally screwed over the ordinary people of this country, made ‘privately educated’ a dirty phrase synonymous with ‘ bit thick, over privileged, over confident, self interested, out of touch, buffoons who have no idea what it’s like to earn your position and opportunities.

Am I the only one wondering, who are all these people not only looking so closely at what she's wearing, but can also recognise real designer wear? I mean, fakes are excellent these days
OP this is bullying.

@protectthesmallones She's isn't alienating her colleagues . It's a specific group of people that have a jealousy problem and are taking it out on here

Also, if you RTFT, these people are similarly privileged.

They might be using her to virtue signal about how woke etc they are. Just like all the anti private school parents on here who buy expensive houses in the catchment areas of good schools, give their kids house deposits and live a luxurious life. But like to claim that they value social mobility.