To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

Agree 100%

Frankly they sound like kids in the playground and it may be well to challenge this kind of behaviour before it gets any worse

I have a colleague like this and everyone loves him, people don't ever mention his financial situation negatively. People shouldn't be judging her based on how fortunate she is. If she's a good person what they are doing is bullying and shouldn't be tolerated. It's school playground behaviour.

Had an acquaintance once who was a "trust fund baby"
Met her through someone initially where she was just one of the mums.

It wasn't until much later, I realised the scale of the trust fund. I'm talking years of knowing her.

She is a down to earth person, never talks money, never brags or otherwise.

If your colleague is genuinely a lovely person, most people will overlook the misjudged oversharing and treat her accordingly.

Yes, she definitely needs to learn how to keep her private life away from gossips, particularly in a workplace like this. (I thank my stars that my colleagues don't do this sort of thing and all I have to put up with is tedious football banter!)

As she gets older she will learn not to get drawn into interrogations like that. She could have shut it down at the first question by refusing to engage, and she will learn to do so in future.

Yes, I get that. People are asked questions and then castigated for merely being honest.

Good for her! She has done nothing wrong. At least she is going to work and trying to forge a career, plenty of people don't do that even without a privileged background.ox

She will learn to keep private things to herself but it's a shame, we should be able to share without others misrepresenting it. That sort of jealousy is toxic.

Is this obsession with people's houses (or other possessions) and what they paid for them a big thing in London and the SE?

The people I know who talk regularly about house prices are all based down south. I've spent my entire working life in the north and I dont think I've ever heard a colleague talking about what someone else's house cost.

I only really hear house prices being discussed if someone is actually in the process of moving house, and then only generically (e.g. "Oh, [X] area is quite expensive so we wouldn't be able to afford a 4 bed there, [Y] area is a bit cheaper, but doesn't have the train line...")

@MariMiceMouse they sound like a bunch of jealous bullies, she sounds too honest for her own good, I wouldn’t have told them the flat is a gift.

Atleast she has a few decent people there like yourself Xx

I have just had to do a harrassment training and this is harrassment. So you decide if you can/must report this to HR or if she does it.

Inverted snobbery reflects extremely badly on the people who practice it. Either challenge them or mention it to HR.

That's v sad and a real shame grown adults can be that petty and jealous.

However, she's also an adult and you can't, nor should you, protect her from it.

Sadly, along with privilege comes jealousy (from hopefully a minority) and she will need to learn to encounter this and manage it moving forward. She will have to face this throughout her adult life. She has some harsh lessons ahead, but all a learning curve.

I hope she can take solace and support it in her friends, and as she gets older and wiser she'll learn how to keep quiet about some things and share information a little more wisely.

I agree. My husband’s family are all in the south east and their favourite topic of conversation is house prices and salaries 🥱🥱🥱I’m from the north west and no one cares. There’s more to life than money.

I think some of the people on this thread have the same bully mentality as the colleagues.

The attitude that she should have kept her mouth shut (bet if she hadn't answered they'd have assumed worse), and if she's that rich she'll not mind being bullied (really??!!) shows the unpleasantness of their characters more than anything else.

Sums up how envious and unpleasant some people can be very nicely

Funny, down south I've never had a conversation about house prices except for passing comments about them being unaffordable.
Up north I've had loads of conversations with people asking directly how much and commenting about their neighbours/colleagues etc with negative reactions to expensive housing.

Obviously depends on the group you are in.

@MidnightBlossom well how did they know it was a mortgage free gift? If she had chipped in with a mate/bf or got a mortgage then it wouldn't be such a big wow that it cost 2 million, especially in London. But she told them it was a present!

Why is a “comp in the North East” used as an example of the lowest standard of education in your office? Why specify in the North East?

I don't think that if she's rich it's fine to bully her.

But I do think that she needs to learn what to share, and what not to share, with her colleagues. She could have shut the questions down and not engaged, and that is what she'll learn to do in future. Right now, she is obviously still young and naive enough to allow herself to be drawn in by gossips like this.

I'm not as privileged as this woman by a long shot, but even I know that just because someone asks you a personal question, you don't have to answer it.

We have a receptionist who works 3 mornings a week - 18 hours.

She has just bought a 6 million dollar (3 million pound) house. No idea how she can afford it. But, she is lovely and reliable and everyone at work is happy for her. Jealousy is such a negative quality - I agree with others; call people out on it.

Given the OP's reference to Etonians, and flats worth £2m, she is obviously based in London.

Privileged Londoners often view the north as some kind of squalid, backwards dump, where everything is covered in soot and grime, and we all keep ferrets in our trousers. The north east is the furthest north you can get in England, so obviously that must be the grimiest and most backward.

(Not my view - I'm a northerner! But lots of privileged Londoners working in the kinds of jobs that attract Etonians have those kinds of parochial views.)

And they'd have drawn their own conclusions and also said she was too snobby to answer ordinary questions.
She couldn't win against a group like that

She should probably keep quiet about that kind of privilege in the workplace, honestly. People are entitled to their opinions.

And? Let them.

They will soon move on to someone else if she doesn't give them the entertainment they're seeking.

Your colleagues need to look at the person and who she is and not where she comes from. She is privileged and very very fortunate - sounds like sour grapes from her (and your) colleagues.
Be her friend and refuse to listen or partake in any conversations about her even if it means speaking out or walking away. You like her as she is - that is great.

Because our economy is so London-centric that having family in the south east in a place that is commutable to London is a massive advantage for young people in pretty much every industry.

The ones who grew up in the north east can’t live at home in their early 20s while they establish their careers in London like many young people do today. North west would perhaps be commutable to Manchester which is second hub for the creative industries and many other workplaces. I guess OP could have said rural Wales!

You think a new graduate "chipping in with a mate/bf" or getting a mortgage (because obviously if you "chip in" with someone the mortgage wouldn't be needed) could easily buy a £2m flat, and that wouldn't be an unusual talking point?

What the actual fuck?