To feel bad for the new employee at work

[MariMiceMouse]

I’m going to try keep this vague as I don’t want it to be identifying but here goes.

In my office there is a real mixed bag of privilege from Etonians to comp school in the north east, Oxbridge to ex polytechnics. In most instances it makes no difference at all.
We took on a graduate this year, she’s very privileged. Studied at a top uni, went to top private schools and international schools.
She seems to be very intelligent and has made some friends.
However there is a specific group who really don’t like her, she mentioned at drinks once that she was moving into her new flat, that to turned to where and asking to see etc. eventually it came out that it is a graduation gift and mortgage free - probably worth nearing 2 million for a 1.5 bed. Really puts into perspective the wealth we are talking about here.
She wears expensive designer clothes and accessories everyday which also irritates some people.
The conversation when she’s not around always seems to fall to how privileged she is.
There are maybe 4 people who seem to get on really well with her (ironically the youngest and furthest from that level of wealth).
Shes on my team and sits beside me, she’s actually really lovely, funny and so intelligent even about things that don’t relate to her job or degree.
It feels like a lot of the office are keen to see her fail and it’s making me feel quite bad for her.

AIBU to think it’s really poor for grown adults to be so cruel behind someone’s back just because they are from a different background.

Good heavens, what a tiny miserable life she must have.

OP - what industry do you work in? curious…

OP, I think you should have a gentle chat with her but also see if you can gather some people to stand up to this men. Maybe your line manager?
They know exactly what they're doing by needling her. Unfortunately 'talking about people behind their backs' and 'asking personal questions' won't warrant any HR action otherwise everyone would be hauled over the coal daily.

Asset and Wealth Management for HNWIs (Private Banking)

They are entitled to like her or dislike her based on her personality and actions, not her bank balance

@Lemonadeand This is a workplace not the local pub. Colleagues must be professional and fair to each other regardless of their personal opinions.

For those saying why would anyone in this situation work.
My sons gf is similar, she has a flat in Kensington gifted by her parents, her parents own a gorgeous house near Regent’s Park worth several millions. She works earning maybe 45/50k a year.

Her parents did own several companies at one point but cashed out and returned to salaried roles. Basically other than pensions all the money they have is in their properties. Her dad gives her a set amount each month to cover bills and to cushion her earnings but every time she earns more he takes some away and reduces his own hours. For sons GF working is needed. Might be the same for this girl.

I was just brought up that it’s very rude to quiz people on their financial situation. A phrase like “That’s for me to know and you to wonder” might be useful.

Also, if this young woman didn’t work, what would people somewhere be saying about her?

That phrase is guaranteed to get people's backs up. Vague non-responses or a quick change of subject is a better idea.

"Where are you moving to?"
"A flat near [vague area]"
"Show me pictures!"
"I haven't got any on my phone, sorry. Anyway, got to rush off, loads of packing to do! See you all on Monday, have a good weekend"

This - as well as challenging them when you hear them talking behind her back. You need to stand up for her or report it up the chain to HR if you don't feel you can.

"Tracey (I mean her name's very unlikely to be Tracey, but it's the first thing that came to mind!) is a really lovely person that I like a lot. To hear you lot talk about her like this, behind her back, is just showing off your inner green eyed monsters. Just because she was born fortunate, doesn't justify your bullying. Maybe you should all take a good look in the mirror before criticising others."

Yup - damned if you do and damned if you don't!

There will always be some people who don't like you and disapprove of your choices, regardless of who you are.

I just ignore it and only share personal info with people I trust. If other people think I'm stand-offish because I don't want to discuss my personal life with them, well that's on them! Better than giving people ammunition.

Being jealous is one thing, but negatively judging people only because they have something that you don’t is just sad to be honest.
People like this will live a bitter life, resenting others for their own situation.

So she is starting to become aware of their attitude?

op's update says she was being cross questioned.

in Your shoes I’d directly ask them to be supportive of her and stop picking faults. You're all a team and need to pull together. She is nothing but kind about them and you expect them to be the same in return.

the people criticising are just envious.

Or just point out that they are jealous each time a nasty comment is made.

I’ve only just read that. Another time it might have good to say her dad helped and change the subject. I really wanted to suggest that she might not be used to these situations and would do well to prepare for future conversations with people who may be shocked at her financial position.

given the industry you work in, it's not at all unusual for people working there to come from wealthy backgrounds.

Seems even stranger that they'd find it all that shocking in that case

that surprised me as well. it's more common than not.

Will those colleagues hound her to have a flat warming party so that they can bitch about her. Or bitch about her if she doesn't have a party.

I went to a comp in the North East and I learned very quickly at work (in the south) not to let on that I’d been given a deposit for my first house! People always assume North East = working class poor person, they’re quite surprised when I tell them that none of my family are working class and I was the ‘posh’ one at my school 🤣

I voted yabu as it sounds like she has absolutely no emotional intelligence and doesn’t read the room. If she did she would realise it’s not a great idea to let her work colleagues know she got a million pound flat as a graduation gift.