To find this horrendously unattractive

[TheSleepiestOne]

DP is a bit of an Elevenarife and either it’s getting worse or I’m just losing the patience to deal with it. I’ve been bent over double for two days with vomiting and a headache but somehow been able to run around after a toddler with an infant strapped to my chest. Still breastfeeding even though I’ve not eaten in over 48 hours. DP is off today. “Brilliant”, I think, “some help with the children and a chance to get some rest!”

No such luck. DP has been staggering around, huffing and puffing about stomach cramps. Logical, you might think. If one of us is ill it’s likely the other will catch it. Not quite. My symptoms are an adverse reaction to anaesthetic.

Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had an illness or injury where DP hasn’t instantly had the same or worse. I actually can’t remember a single occasion.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

YABU - have a bit of empathy, the man’s clearly unwell

YANBU - this is off putting

Does he have the dressing gown of doom on?

I would find this incredibly weak and deeply unattractive.

Attention seeking.

You have my sympathies op.

Very unattractive.

Have you not spoken up for yourself though? If not, why?

Well I just had to look up what Elevenarife meant! Another new word to add to the vocabulary I've been learning on MN.
Yes OP. I'm totally with you on this one. He sounds totally self absorbed and annoying.
Hope you are feeling better soon.

Sorry op - I wouldn't have left the house though, I'd be telling him about himself

I'm married to a twat like this too

Does he have ibs or anything like that generally?
I'd be really annoyed if I truly thought he was faking it and yes it would be off putting.

When you get home, tell him that he needs to help you because you're still exhausted/sick and going to the park has used all your energy up. In the past when both me and dh have been unwell with some virus in the house we've approached it like taking turns to rest and the other one does the childcare, you've given him a break by going out so when you get home it's his turn.

Vile behaviour.
We all joke about "man flu" and dressing gowns of doom... The reality is that this is yet another example of women being expected to power through and ignore their needs.

He is literally fabricating an illness because he can't bring himself to take care of you and let you lean on him and have needs for one day.

And we are the weaker sex aye.

You have my sympathy as my hubby does the same! So when I am ill I get one of my adult children to pop to the chemist and come back with cold remedies, pain pills etc plop them on the table and say well am all prepped for tomorrow. He has started taking the hint lol

Yanbu, to the extent that I think it eventually corrodes a relationship completely. It's such transparently childish behaviour that it's impossible to respect someone who behaves like this.

DH used to do it to a certain extent until I told him he was ridiculous. It took a few goes but he got the message. I don't think he entirely realised he was doing it, which isn't an excuse, but at least he stopped once he was told. If he'd carried on I would have probably strangled him with his dressing gown belt.

Not to derail but Elevenarife has given me a proper LOL. Thank you.

YANBU OP. Hope you feel better soon and he steps up and gives you some proper support.

I love how the voting is 100% YANBU

My Exh is like this, if I ever had a sore throat for instance, it would never be as bad as his that needed a week off work!
He has the kids at the weekend but won't if he's too unwell, somehow I manage to still parent, work and be unwell.
It's unattractive, unless you can't get out of bed then stop whining and crack on.

Agree, it's just rewarding his behaviour. And definitely speak up for yourself.

I would despise him for acting like that.

This would breed deep resentment for me. Don't become a martyr to this man.

I was with one like this. Always at deaths door over the slightest ill, never threw up but was ‘violently sick’ or ‘near passing out’. He had been raised as the golden child and expected that the same ‘king on his deathbed’ treatment he’d had until he left home would be carried on. Apparently I was unsympathetic, but this is the same man who took parental leave and still had me do the school run 3 days after giving birth. No advice as such, but I’m truly glad to be single now.

Oh yes definitely. If he expects you to look after a toddler and a baby when you're really ill then he can do the same can't he. Not a fucking chance would I be leaving the house for him, them curtains would be opened back up quicker than he could give a poor me sigh/huff

No dressing gown of doom yet but he had trackie bottoms and a snuggly fleece on when I left. I would usually say something even though it’s been poorly received in the past but I honestly feel too rubbish to deal with the argument. I know what you’re all saying about I shouldn’t have left but I feel bad for the DCs. Funnily enough neither of them have been struck down by the contagion.

And me 😳

XH used to be like this. When I'd just get on with looking after the kids even when unwell, I used to have to phone the doctor to come to the house (back when that was a thing) for the slightest thing.

He once stayed in bed all day when I had about 16 kids coming to the house for a birthday party so instead of him looking after our two while I got food organised, I had to do it all myself.

Also a repeat performance on a Mothers Day when I had to go out with the children and then pay for the whole meal.

On both occasions there was nothing really wrong with him and amazingly these things always happened on days off and he was always fine to go to his precious work the following day.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

So basically you're rewarding a display of weaponised incompetence? In the nicest possible way, grow up, OP. Hand the children to him, go to bed, and tell him to bring the baby to you when it needs a feed and not unless.

He's doing this because it works on you.

He sounds absolutely pathetic. I know LTB is thrown around quite liberally on here but if I were you I'd have a proper conversation with him about his lack of respect and consider my options going forward. Because that's what it comes down to - he is showing you zero respect or consideration. Does this leak into other areas of your relationship? Pathetic little man child.

You have my utmost sympathies, and at the risk of elevenarife-ing, exDP, at the ripe old age of 40, and upon the news of the diagnosis of our newborn baby with severe tongue tie, decided he had the same issue, paid privately to have his (🤔) problem frenulum snipped, which made his appointment actually sooner than our poor NHS waiting list 8 week old DS.
And of course the recovery was torturous, much worse than a tiny baby because "they don't know how hard it is"

Is he doing those little T-Rex arms?