To find this horrendously unattractive

[TheSleepiestOne]

DP is a bit of an Elevenarife and either it’s getting worse or I’m just losing the patience to deal with it. I’ve been bent over double for two days with vomiting and a headache but somehow been able to run around after a toddler with an infant strapped to my chest. Still breastfeeding even though I’ve not eaten in over 48 hours. DP is off today. “Brilliant”, I think, “some help with the children and a chance to get some rest!”

No such luck. DP has been staggering around, huffing and puffing about stomach cramps. Logical, you might think. If one of us is ill it’s likely the other will catch it. Not quite. My symptoms are an adverse reaction to anaesthetic.

Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had an illness or injury where DP hasn’t instantly had the same or worse. I actually can’t remember a single occasion.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

YABU - have a bit of empathy, the man’s clearly unwell

YANBU - this is off putting

Honestly, the relationship would be over for me.

He's supposed to be your partner. You're supposed to be a team together. He's letting you down massively every time he does this.

Not to mention it's deeply unattractive. Why would you want to have sex with someone that needs constant mothering like a baby.

It's pathetic. Can't believe so many women tolerate this behaviour in their relationships.

I also have one of these…wow, so many of us. Genuinely, if I suddenly said (for example) ‘oh, I think I might be getting a cold’ he would, 9 times out of 10, reply, ‘me too’. I think it’s an attention thing.

So you've told him to go to bed?

I've had said 'look I'm the one who's had a GA, given birth twice and am still breast feeding, so man-up and start being some help to me.'

(Or bugger off and I can manage on my own without you annoying me.)

Is being slightly jovial about here a sign that you aren't engaging properly with the sheer idiocy of his benaviour?

It's not 'unattractive'.

That would apply to a haircut , the wrong after shave or leaving toenails on the floor.

This is just downright selfish behaviour from a man-child.

Why are you accepting it?

That is absolutely genius

😂😂 “Elevenerife”
I love this fucking brilliant quintessentially British put down 😆

🤣🤣🤣

😂😂😂

https://lifeeducationtrust.com/elevenerife-syndrome-2/

tell him you are are pregnant;)

This! 😂😂😂

I know a few men like this. Competitive illness.

Very very young ( and very stupid) I was living very rurally, 9 months pregnant and with a toddler.
It was a terrible winter . The lane was a skating rink. GP came out in a 4 wheel drive and said that I would be air lifted to hospital if necessary. I said I couldn't leave as husband was ill ! . The dog was very ill too and had just produced pups.
Husband took to his bed ,groaning and moaning. Said he was having a heart attack The doctor diagnosed a pulled muscle and said he would leave a prescription at the chemist. Husband rang friends who collected prescription by tractor . Thaw started and a constant stream of his pub friends came visiting him.He was in pain,I don't deny it but was acting like a dying duck ,friends were offered tea cake,sandwiches which I was expected to provide . By
This stage I was crawling rather than walking as i had sciatica. Looking after toddler and giant toddler. When I went to hospital for the birth my mother came to.look after him.She was very concerned about him and rushed about with trays which he loved. He perked up wonderfully when he could go out with his friends .

Many years later after I had left and was living miles away ,my mother rang me to tell me that I " ought to know" he had flu . I said I was sorry to hear that..

You’re both the issue.

Him for acting like this and you for just letting it slide and not calling him up on it.

why didn’t you remind him that your illness wasn’t contagious and was a side effect to anaesthetic and tell him to be a parent and a partner and step up.

LTB !!!!

😅 Ex-husband increasingly favoured the ‘dressing gown of gloom.’
Did I mention that he’s my ex? 💅🏻

When DH gets man flu I always remind him of this sketch. He always finds it funny when he isn't ill.

Rubbish. Why make a comment when you clearly have no idea? Or did you just fancy sticking the knife in? Just because it may not be your personal experience, it doesn't mean it isn't for others.

I got nauseous from a GA that lasted over a week and then eventually vertigo too. Had to see the GP in the end. I just don't react well to anesthetic and it takes a while to feel normal.

I felt terrible. I still went to work. Women soldier on, we are socialised to do so.

Is he doing "the ill voice"?
Ya MOST DEFINITELY NOT bu

He has doubled down and called in sick, so he won’t be working tomorrow… luckily DCs and I have plans.

He thinks he has norovirus but came downstairs to groan on the sofa, presumably because I hadn’t been to check on him, not even after the text telling me he’d called in sick.

I’ve sent him back to the bedroom as I don’t want to take any risks with the baby on the very slim chance he isn’t faking it. I’ve been told about the vomiting and diarrhoea that happened when I was out but there have coincidentally been no bouts since I’ve been in home.

I’m feeling lots better since eating and having a bit of time to rest. I’m guessing now I’m better he’ll make a miraculous recovery tomorrow. Then I suppose we’re going to have to have a chat about this behaviour. I have been jovial about this, as one poster has pointed out, but regardless of having a dry sense of humour, I do appreciate the wider implications.

I can assure you, the drugs used in a GA are almost entirely gone from your system after 24 hours. If you were still sick a week later it may have been the after effects of the surgery itself, or an infection or any number of things. Your GP may not have chosen to have that conversation with you if you were as aggressive as your response suggests.

A farmer per chance? 😂

I’m at the crossroads now where I need to make a decision. But when I think to how we started so in love, so together it breaks my heart. Like most he’s not a bad man, and I’m at fault as well for not using my voice. OP please don’t think that it will get better on its own. Have a think about the gradual bitterness that will grow and how it will affect your mental health and the relationships with the kids.

I've had ones that were somehow both. Whinge about feeling poorly or mental health issues (and were always worse off than me, notably the ex who made my friend dying all about him) but would refuse to do anything about it! My DS's father left me and went home while I was in recovery after having a c section because he was tired and his gout was playing up (that might be worse than the above.) Don't know why I attract these utter clowns. 👿 Staying single now. Can't be arsed anymore.

Thank you, Miss!

Why do women put up with this shite ?