To find this horrendously unattractive

[TheSleepiestOne]

DP is a bit of an Elevenarife and either it’s getting worse or I’m just losing the patience to deal with it. I’ve been bent over double for two days with vomiting and a headache but somehow been able to run around after a toddler with an infant strapped to my chest. Still breastfeeding even though I’ve not eaten in over 48 hours. DP is off today. “Brilliant”, I think, “some help with the children and a chance to get some rest!”

No such luck. DP has been staggering around, huffing and puffing about stomach cramps. Logical, you might think. If one of us is ill it’s likely the other will catch it. Not quite. My symptoms are an adverse reaction to anaesthetic.

Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had an illness or injury where DP hasn’t instantly had the same or worse. I actually can’t remember a single occasion.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

YABU - have a bit of empathy, the man’s clearly unwell

YANBU - this is off putting

I voted you're being unreasonable for not demanding that he be a mensch and help you out. What a tool.

I had to look it up. Another word to add to my vocabulary as well.

(Minge and piffle are among my most used, but I can see where this one will come in handy.)

I thought I had, clearly not tho'!

Oh god, I know all about this. We’ve just had Norovirus in our house, DD age 5 was sick one time and complained not once, was a real trouper. I had several bouts of diarrhoea for half a day, didn’t eat for 24 hours and was on the mend, DS age 1 didn’t get it at all. My DD passed it to my DF he also had a few bouts of diarrhoea but was back to full health in 24 hours. DH was in and out of bed and the toilet for 5 full days but wasn’t actually sick nor had diarrhoea, I kept asking what stage it was at but it was just groans in response. However he then was eating full meals. He had the works headache, stomach cramps, joint pain, the rest of us had none of that. So he must have had a super special strain especially for him.
It’s the same whatever he has, if you say you have a headache and needed paracetamol, he has a headache so bad it needed codeine. I’ve got cold at the moment, I can’t wait till he catches it 🙄

Sorry I’d be opening curtains and staying home. I wouldn’t leave my house after anaesthetic ! Hand him the kids and say you eed a break and walk off

Sorry you are having to deal with this situation OP.
Respectfully though YOU sent him to bed and took the children out. This is your relationship and you need to have a massive influence over how it pans out. Of course he is being a completely selfish, self absorbed knob and of course you should not have to point this out, but if you want it to actually change, make that clear and do not allow it to happen again.
Personally, I would tell him how his behaviour makes me feel and as well as angry and disappointed I would make clear it includes not being remotely attracted to such a weak and selfish individual.
Please stand up for yourself before this sets in and ruins your relationship.

I think Covid brought into sharp focus men like this.
My friends sister has twin teenagers with a selfish man and when she got Covid he was very busy doing his own thing and left his children to eat from the freezer and was no where to be seen.
It was as if a light bulb moment happened for her, finally.

Three months later they were going to visit her sister and he felt unwell and tested positive for it.
She insisted on heading off with the children to his surprise....who would look after him? She told him he would be "fine", just like she was. She told him get stuff delivered.
She extended her stay by 5 days as they were having a lovely time as it was summer holidays.

When she returned he had lost weight and looked very rough but she told him yes she knew EXACTLY what it was like, she had it 3 months ago.
He tried to guilt her but something had just turned off in her brain.

They are still married because the children are heading off September '25 to university.
She had returned to tennis to get fit a few years ago and is now playing every chance she gets whilst working full-time.

The children were busy all last summer and she made plans to go on two tennis holidays to Portugal with friends, and simply told him after it was booked and refused to consider a sun holiday with him.
The penny has finally dropped that she has one foot out the door and NOW he is trying to spend time with her.
Two little too late. Things are polite and she is only interested in conversation regarding the children.

She has an inheritance coming in the next few years and she has plans to be long gone as the children will be settled.
She has never looked better.
It's as if the clarity and detachment and getting fit has given her a new lease of life.

I would refuse to do anything. Why do so many women have weak and pathetic partners who make their lives harder?

Who is DP? Sorry- not too sure of acronyms xx

in my case, my husband has mental health issues, and one of the ways it manifests is hypochondria. so if I've been unwell, of COURSE he's getting it too.
I know he's not pretending, I know it's mostly psychosomatic. but I wish that the looking after me didn't dry up as soon as he thought he'd got it too, and then would, of course, last longer.

When I started reading this thread it took me ages to remember what someone said about a friend, but I got there: If you've got a black cat, he's got a blacker one.😂

Dear Partner

Hypochondria and attention seeking are both deeply unattractive

I’ve got one of these as well! They definitely seem to be very much rarer than the other breed. I actually find it annoying, and it can unfortunately come with an attitude of ‘I don’t recognise my illness so I don’t really think much of yours either’ (or maybe not all the stoics are like this?). But yes, it’s got to be better than the deliberate, work-dodging, attention-seeking fakery.