To find this horrendously unattractive

[TheSleepiestOne]

DP is a bit of an Elevenarife and either it’s getting worse or I’m just losing the patience to deal with it. I’ve been bent over double for two days with vomiting and a headache but somehow been able to run around after a toddler with an infant strapped to my chest. Still breastfeeding even though I’ve not eaten in over 48 hours. DP is off today. “Brilliant”, I think, “some help with the children and a chance to get some rest!”

No such luck. DP has been staggering around, huffing and puffing about stomach cramps. Logical, you might think. If one of us is ill it’s likely the other will catch it. Not quite. My symptoms are an adverse reaction to anaesthetic.

Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had an illness or injury where DP hasn’t instantly had the same or worse. I actually can’t remember a single occasion.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

YABU - have a bit of empathy, the man’s clearly unwell

YANBU - this is off putting

I got home to DP shivering on the sofa under a blanket watching TV. He’d mentioned earlier not being able to eat and I’ve just seen he’s left a half eaten bowl of weetabix on the side as proof.

The fresh air has actually made me feel better and very hungry. The parenting stars have aligned and both DCs are napping, so I’ve sent DP to bed. I’ve had some lunch and now I’m having a cuppa, snuggled up in front of some trashy TV.

I’ve read every reply and I’m taking a lot of them on board. The PP who said this behaviour is likely interspersed with good times is spot on. It’s definitely weaponised incompetence. It also rang true what another PP was saying about how her DH was babied by MIL.

DH was like this.
I took to saying “I can’t have anything myself”.

Tell the twat to bugger off back to the office otherwise you'll report him to his employer for malingering as his presence is literally making your life harder atm.

He's lucky he's an adult not a school pupil. If he were a teenager, he'd never get away with pulling a stunt like this as the attendance people would be round to drag him out of bed, the way things are atm.

In all seriousness OP just be really careful, I was breastfeeding and got a sickness bug, ended up in hospital for 2 days on a drip as I was dangerously dehydrated. It also started affecting my supply, so do keep checking on baby.

If you’ve done the morning then he does the afternoon, no question. Yes even if it means the kids have to watch CBeebies in the dark for a few hours. Tell him my story above and that you’re going for a nap, and unless you feel better by 5pm you’re considering A&E.

More fool you for letting him act like a twat.

@HeartandSeoul thankfully it was a very minor procedure that didn’t require any recovery in itself.

It does if you get the spelling right

I used to be married to a twat like this...

I had to look up elevenarife. I'm glad I did, now I know exactly how to describe my mother.

Mine has actually fucking attempted to compete with my menopausal hot flushes! 'Oh I'm having them too'... I was actually lost for words.

Every single illness I have, he has it too, and worse than me. He was a bit thrown a couple of months ago when I ended up being taken to hospital in an ambulance with double pneumonia, though.

It's one of many reasons why I won't live with him. I couldn't stand it, 24/7.

I feel this image needs to be added to this thread.

Give some thought to your future with a man like that.
This story is 25+ years old and from my good friends lovely MIL, whose best friend was her next door neighbour for 40 years.
Her friends husband was a selfish twat that never allowed her one days sickness.
She raised her 3 children herself, without his help, while teaching and was only newly retired when he, 5 years older and also retired had a stroke.

He was in a rehabilitation unit and after 3 months they mentioned the adjustments that would need to be made to the house so she could look after him.

She point blank refused to have him home. She said she suffered with a bad back for years and that she would not be able to care for him.
So at nearly 66 he went into a retirement home against his wishes.
He was furious with her but in her mind her marriage was over for decades and she sure as hell wasn't nursing him when he hadn't so much as given her one days care in all their marriage.

His family were upset but she told them crack on if they wanted to bring him to their homes which shut them up.
She used to pop in one or twice a week max for a very short visit.
She never regretted her decision and she had 20 years of holidays and days out with my friends MIL who had been widowed young.

I have never forgotten this story and her bravery to say fxck this, I am not being a carer to that selfish twat for my retirement.

I got home to DP shivering on the sofa under a blanket watching TV. He’d mentioned earlier not being able to eat and I’ve just seen he’s left a half eaten bowl of weetabix on the side as proof.

So all put on?

How childish.

Honestly, if he thinks that he has caught your "adverse reaction" he's thick as shit as well!

A very wise elderly friend of mine used to say that a woman should never think of marrying a man until she had seen him clean the toilet, cook decent meals and treated her well when she was ill.

Excellent @Verge well done that woman it must have taken some guts for her to do that.

My ex asked for painkillers because his back hurt while I was in labour. So the nurse had to leave the room to get him paracetamol when I was in the middle of having contractions (the type where you feel like you're going to die with each one). I ended up with an emergency cesarean - I'd lost 1.5 litres of blood and he kept forcing me to stand up and walk, even though I was too weak.

A very wise woman.

Add in how he reacts to being told No is very telling too.

I'm so sorry you went through that. 💐

What a bastard.

I would go out for a bit then tell him you've been to the doctors who have confirmed it's due to an imbalance of women's hormones and definitely not contagious lol ... my DH is the same (his mother does it too) ... if you have a head cold, they have the black plague!

Why, was he having 'bitty'?

My first DH was like this too! The day after I had given birth he came to hospital complaining about how he had a bad stomach upset, and expecting sympathy!

Try claiming to have a few pretend conditions to see if he claims to have them also, e.g. rigor mortis.

My ex husband used to do this, I hated it. I was never allowed to be unwell on my own.

@TheSleepiestOne glad to hear you are feeling better OP.

This would kill me.

Actually I would probably have to kill him.

Your DP is being Pathetic.

A total man child !!