To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Thank you.

Any chance you might inherit OP?

Sorry from parents I mean.

Update!

just looked at his previous will ( this appt Tuesday is for a do-over) and I was named previously so it appears he’s looking to take me off.

something is definitely going on. Way beyond what I thought originally

This was what I was thinking aswell.
The getting the house option isn't necessarily better. Your son will have to deal with sorting out the house and rehoming you. If he's even halfway decent he won't throw you out on the streets. Then there is maintenance costs.

No one knows if house prices will go up or down and a lump sum well invested could be worth more after interest is added.
An equal split of all assets with you getting life time tenancy is much better.

From mine? Nothing, his family are wealthy whilst mine are not.

I wonder if he's planning to leave and shaft you even sooner?

That must have been awful to read. Hope you get some answers!

Oh wow. I’m so sorry.

No im not congratulating him for not charging her rent

I am saying that at the time if having children there must have been a conversation about staying home with the children etc and who would fulfil that role

It is a LUXURY to stay home and raise your children

This LUXURY was funded by this supposedly evil man when in fact he could have said no to funding the family as a sole earner

The OP could have expressed her views then on career damage etc but she didn’t bother

My opinion is this man is not as bad as he is being made out to be

I’m not sure I’d want to give over a million either

You know nothing of his reasons so you are just imagining that the op has done nothing adverse that has influenced his decision

OP could have carried on working & contributing after having kids

but the guy has never charged her rent - it doesn’t matter that he didn’t have a mortgage - you don’t just move in with someone and pay nothing?

Sounds like he's planning to leave you high and dry sooner rather than later.
Get legal advice. Now.

And you have not been living 'rent free' as someone said. YOu were supposedly in this together and bearing and raising your children saving you both childcare costs and hits to his own career while you tanked yours for the good of 'the family'. Which clearly doesn't exist in his mind.

I have paid something. I just haven’t paid rent.

Absolutely right. I feel that my partner and I will have to get married, which we never considered, so that she can inherit my assets without paying significant inheritance tax should I die before her.

As a former IFA I think you should be very worried. If he dies before you with the children aged 18+ you are effectively homeless.

If he won't make a will or get married (marriage is the solution to so many financial/legal problems), I would get him insured to the hilt so you will get some capital and give very serious thought to leaving him.

I’m going to work longer than him so I’ll support him then.

This would be a hard no from me. He’s cut you out of his will, yet expects you to fund him in his early years of retirement, then nurse him in his old age? I know who’s being grabby here, and it’s not you, OP.

If I were in your shoes, I would:

• Continue to live in the family home. Hit my retirement fund and house deposit fund HARD to make up for my years of underemployment due to child-rearing years.
• Keep my salary details private. It is not his business—he’s not a husband, nor a “true” partner. Tell him he’s being grabby and only after my money if he wants to know.
• Not pay toward the house. If he brings it up, point out that he’s being grabby. Reiterate that I will effectively be homeless once he passes, so my #1 priority is to save for a house deposit. Point out that I am years off-track because I put my career on hold to raise his children.
• Same message when he brings up supporting him by working FT whilst he is retired.
• Same message when he brings up nursing him in his old age.

You need to sit him down and ask him to put it in his will that should you predecease him, he places the house in trust in the kids names but you have the legal right to remain in the house as your sole home until you die. In this way the house is in the kids name, you avoid potential care home fees and therefore any unfortunate eventualities are covered.

If he can't at least do this for you, then I personally would have deep seated concerns about the validity of your relationship as he has no concern for your welfare and that speaks volumes. Why leave it to the belief you will be treated with generosity by the kids when he can make it a legal requirement.

If he’s looking to remove you from an existing will, then something has definitely changed.

Is he having an affair or had his head turned? Or started watching / following misogynistic Influencers online?!

Hate to say it, but those are usually the only reasons for this sort of behaviour.

Not a financial adviser, but if he wants to protect inheritance for the children the best way to do it would be to marry you and leave you the entire estate. If he marries you and predeceases you, you would inherit the estate tax free and his unused inheritance tax relief. Combined with your relief allowance, you would then be able to pass up to £1 million on to your joint children tax free.

If he leaves everything directly to children his relief will only be on the first £500,000, so his estate will pay £120,000 tax before it is handed on. So he is poorly advised as well as unkind to you OP.

Im felled. This is worse than I thought it’s one thing to realise he doesn’t care about me but feel worse in a way that he has made provisions he now wants to change to nothing

it used to be to me and the kids in equal shares

It worries me even more that you weren't aware you were previously in his will to begin with!

It's like you've just wandered blind into this relationship and allowed him to do whatever he fancied without ever stopping to consider the finances or what kind of protection you have in the event of a break up or a death.

I don’t think I could get over his patriarchal crap about leaving the house to the boy.

Which is clearly an extension of his patriarchal crap in not treating you as a financial equal in your partnership.

I have

I really have and I’ve wasted so much time

That's awful. Has anything else gone on between you recently that could explain this?