To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Why don’t you confront him. Ask why he is taking you out of the will and is he looking to separate. You have a right to know where you stand.

People think of Wills as being for years in the future , but what if he was run over by a bus on the way out of solicitors office?

You would be left with his children to raise with no assets left to you. It may be you could use money left in trust for the children… thus running down his DD’s inheritance but not his DS’s.

He sounds like a total idiot.

Has his solicitor advised on this dreadful plan?

Actually if she leaves and takes the kids then it's quite likely /possible that he meets someone else and marries them

Then leaves all money to them/or has more kids with them.

So leaving May mean even her kids get nothing.

It's not good either way.

In fact OP, having seen that he is changing an established will, I am very worried that this might be a prelude to him leaving you. Has he said why he is changing it?

Do you pay him money for the mortgage? If so, I'd stop. You need to get a house of your own and rent it out. You should never have let yourself be so financially unstable. It's natural that an unmarried parent would leave everything to your children. Presumably you aren't married as you don't want to be tied to each other financially. There are benefits to marriage and benefits to co-habiting. You can't pick and choose the best bits.

Could he have met someone else?

Have you asked him what he corvis you to do if he does and the house is sold, where have you to live?
For those saying where's all the rent you saved, they've been in a relationship for 14 years, not everyone divides everything to the penny!

It all sounds quite calculated. It does sound like he is working towards distancing you. How old are your children? If he retires early, you won't get much CM from him if you separate. You need to be careful now. If his goal is to get rid of you, you will have to play dumb and stay quiet while you save as much as possible. If you make a fuss now, he could kick you out tomorrow.

Well we haven’t been getting on as well, but we’re going away in December abroad for my birthday so it’s not all that bad. What I would deem to normal relationship ups and downs with a certainty!

What age is a tween???. What happens if he died tomorrow? will she be allowed to carry on living there to care for their children?

Oh dear OP, I think he is giving you a very clear message and I’d expect the break up to come as soon as the youngest child leaves home, as he will not need your parenting and cleaning services then. I’d be looking to buy a cosy flat (maybe 2 bed) ASAP so it is there when you need it. You don’t need a house as the children will be taken care of. Having your plan B in place will give you a sense of security, no matter what the future holds.

I’m going to Ask him About the change today

Maybe OP should have charged him for child care.

He may want to rethink bequeathing the house entirely to his son due to inheritance tax etc etc on the value of the property- if your son is not in a sound financial position at that time he may not be able to keep the house, it might need to be sold just to pay the taxes

At the moment she's in his will so yes, if he died tomorrow, she'd likely get the house. But he's changing it on Tuesday, so after that, she would become homeless in the event of his death unless she was named in trust to look after his assets until the children became of age.

But more likely, he's named someone else to be a trustee for him, in which case she'd be left homeless.

This. I also think he’s favouring the male child. Does he generally hold women in low esteem? Why does he think at ten years older he won’t die first? Are you in ill health or is he just thick ?

I suspect he means they won't be together in 10 years time so who dies first will be totally irrelevant to his will.

Do not tell him this now, but if you have ever paid towards the mortgage or home improvements, or have done work or improvements to the property, you might have acquired an interest in it even though you are not married. You would require advice from a family law solicitor though.

You might also have the right to stay in the property short term even if you split up and he tries to kick you out - if this happens take immediate legal advice from a family solicitor.

Fine to leave everything to kids but give you a lifetime interest in the family home.

What other significant assets does he have? Will you get a pension?

But surely it would be somewhat unusual now for a woman to enter a relationship that led to children in her late thirties, where she had no savings or assets, and he owned a house outright and had savings and investments on top. Unusual for a single woman at 36 to have not a bean, and unusual to be so financially imbalanced at the start of the relationship.

That said, it’s still outrageous that after 14 years and 2 kids, he has nearly a million, anx she has 6 grand. OP has been very naive, but he has been appallingly selfish.

Surely your children wouldn't see their mother homeless? Even if it isn't in the will your children aren't going to leave you with no home or money surely?

I imagine he's expecting OP to be his unpaid carer in his final years before she gets kicked out onto the street.

OP, he really isn't being fair to anyone in his will. You aside, he should be leaving everything 50/50 to the DC rather than house to one and money to the other. If he goes into a Care Home then the money will go first and one could end up with nothing. He is treating the boy better than the girl.

However, he shouldn't be doing the above obviously as there is no provision to you. You need to sit down with him for a serious calm chat and ask him why he is changing the will and why there is no protection for you, his partner and mother of his DC.

If he infers you are money grabbing, then say "stop it, this is not about that, it is about security in my older years, I have given my time to bring up our children and I could be left homeless".

Maybe he is worried that if it is left to you and then you marry, that your DC could end up with nothing? but if that is the case, the house should be left to DC, with you have a lifetime right to live in it etc, and this is what the solicitor should advise you on.

his concern that if he dies, you'll end up with someone else and perhaps not leave his assets to the children?

My husband has done this. However, we are married and we shall be divorced before it likely comes to this. I have primary aged dc whilst husband is a fair bit older than me. He hadn't thought it through. I told him to be careful it didn't cause a rift between me and the dc as they may feel they have a duty of care towards me. Our relationship will end sooner or later and likely sooner rather than later. I'm not too bothered as I have enough assets to move and buy a smaller but still decent house plus savings and access to his generous pension. It was the final nail for me. I don't mind the dc having their inheritance brought forward and have come to terms with it (husband cited someone else getting their hands on the assets as the reason for this) but it still smacks of control which has been an ongoing issue and I am not so gullible as to not put my dc up front and centre when it comes to my will.

Op, I would seek advice and/or have a plan B. You are not married so I don't know the legalities surrounding your situation. I have already sought advice from a solicitor. I'm sorry to hear you have found yourself in this situation.