To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

It makes me so sad and furious that so many women think that living with someone gives them rights. Arghhhhhhh why?! Where are they getting this crap from? When I started my legal studies (back in 1990) it was one of the first things our tutor told us- commenting that some women think it’s different. Not just some apparently! Over 30 years on and it’s still the same.

There‘s a very good reason it doesn’t. Otherwise if we choose to live with someone and it is a mistake, then we don’t want them having some hold over our things/pension/property. It is set up that way to protect you and your property. If you want to share everything you have to commit to it contractually- which is only right - by marriage/civil partnership.

He doesn’t want this for a reason. He has used OP as a concubine basically. Let this be a lesson to all women. (There are other active threads with women in the same situation).

It makes me so sad and furious that so many women think that living with someone gives them rights. Arghhhhhhh why?! Where are they getting this crap from?

From the men. Who say things like:
It's only a piece of paper, love.
Do you just want to marry me for my money?
You are a gold digger, aren't you?
A wedding will be too expensive and too much trouble.

Unfortunately the fact remains that if you enter into a relationship, live together and have children together, it is really important to consider the legal and financial obligations. As pp have said, you wouldn't set up a business with someone without a legal contract. Nor would you buy a property without legal advice and paperwork.
I wouldn't want to go down the road of co-habiting conferring 50:50 financial and property rights because it would be much easier to coerce somebody into that situation. At least a marriage requires some preparation and legal paperwork.

She wasnt being bitchy She was saying your view doesnt count IN LAW

Here's my take on this, I am female but effectively the DH in your situation. I've left my house to my child (currently toddler) and there's a bunch of clauses and provisions in place but in effect he can't move anyone in without them having to pay rent to my DC. And I'll explain why via a little story.

A friend of mine unexpectedly died in her 30s, the house passed to her DH, which was "fair" - he was DD's dad, very hands on dad and from what I could tell my friend and her DH had a loving relationship. The friend came from a wealthy family and the house was owned by her outright, bought by her parents as a gift to her, she also had a relatively large sum of money. Fast forward a few years and DH meets a new woman, soon she moves in, they have a child... If you've ever read stories of the evil step mother, that's the best way to describe it. The younger child is signed up to a million expensive after school clubs, gets the best presents, they all travel to expensive family holidays (that they would be unlikely to afford without my friend's inheritance). And the decision has been taken that the little girl (who is about to start secondary school) would be better off living with maternal grandparents because the house (that was originally my friend's!!!) isn't big enough to accommodate the DH, new wife, their child and the new child on the way. None of the people living in her house are biologically related to my friend. Obviously it's a horrible story and unlikely to happen but... I bet my friend didn't think that's how it'd turn out!

Obviously it's a horrible story and unlikely to happen but... I bet my friend didn't think that's how it'd turn out!

Unfortunately this happens all too often. Spouse dies, other spouse inherits, meets and marries again, they produce new children, original spouse dies and second spouse inherits everything and cuts original child / children of first spouse out of the picture.

Your friend should have left the house to her DD, giving husband right of abode. Or sought legal advice on how to protect her DD in the event of remarriage.

@anonymouse23 good post. Exactly this.
I own a house and have money. My will has my kids in it as equal parties so it will have to be divided between them. My executor and POA is my brother. My husband (i know) will inherit his parent‘s house and pensions etc. He won’t need my money/house and even if he did, because I wouldn’t want the situation mentioned above my @anonymouse23 , it would all still go to my kids but with clauses regarding hus rights while the kids are still in education and until he dies or gets married to someone else.

It is all sensible stuff.
What isn’t sensible is being someone’s concubine. Poor OP has been shafted by someone who doesn’t love her. And it is heartbreaking.

I’m not sure that’s a good reason. In Australia we have common law marriage and yes of course it can backfire, but it also protects people, mostly women.

If the house is left to the kids would they really kick you out, their own mother?

Look on the bright side op has found out now so at least won’t spend her final active years caring for him.

There is a thread on here atm by a woman whose son is doing exactly that, Kicking her out of the home she paid for. There are some truly awful people in this world.

It’s a massive risk. Even if they are nice if they got divorced your house is a marital
asset.

This is a regular thing.
Happened to my best friend.
Her mother dies when she is 10, her lazy vain father inherits his wifes successful little business and the family home.
Within two years he is remarried to a woman with 3 children. Her father dies a few years later later and she never saw a penny.
Her step siblings inherited from their mother.

Her father was a stupid, weak, vain man.
Her mother must have turned in her grave knowing the outcome of her hard work.

@YourRealBiscuit ... has much been said since the solicitors appointment?
I know you said you walked into this situation, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I realise this might not be a subject you don't want to share with friends/relatives, but I do hope you are OK, and continuing to get some financial advice

My DH gets an interest in his lifetime only but DD inherits fully. I am the breadwinner and DH whilst a great home maker and works hard isn’t good with money, someone would likely take advantage of him if I died and he met someone new. We have mirror wills and the same applies to me if he dies, I get a lifetime interest in the property but can’t profit from it. That way our DD’s future inheritance isn’t at risk to any future partner and we also aren’t being forced out of the family home in our lifetime. We saw awful things happen to DH’s cousin. Her father died and mother met someone else. She didn’t see a penny.

Yes OP made mistakes, but the most heartbreaking one is that she believed her partner loved her as she loved him.

I hope you are getting some RL support @YourRealBiscuit

The not way he can be absolutely certain you aren’t going to out live him is if he plans on doing you in.

I would be telling people if you die unexpectedly, your partner was responsible

@CarpetShampoo

"There is a thread on here atm by a woman whose son is doing exactly that, Kicking her out of the home she paid for. There are some truly awful people in this world."

Can you link to the thread?

I will have a look for it.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/5203016-mortgage

Lynda Bellingham is a good example, trusted her DH who was a step father to her kids and he spent it all.

Please also realise that having a lifetime clause isn't watertight either.

People get sent to old people's homes earlier than necessary instead.

When the kids meet their future partners, they'll have a say and it won't usually be sympathetic to the parent.

Very true @Treesandsheepeverywhere

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-14038475/My-partner-14-years-left-children-left-grabby-concerned.html?ico=topics_pagination_desktop

welcome to the Daily Mail