Too tired to be sociable with DD's bf

[pigalow27]

I have had a hideous weekend with my DD being really pissed off with me. Basically she was due to come home from uni for reading week on Saturday morning but late on Thursday night, she changed her tickets and came home Friday afternoon instead. I wasn't terribly bothered either way. However Friday was last day of this half term. I'm SLT and exhausted. Mostly work 60-70 hour weeks so by the end of the week (especially the end of a term or half term) I am totally exhausted and fit for nothing. The house looks like a war zone as I work all weekend also.
DD's boyfriend arrived while I was still at work. When I got back she immediately asked me to start clearing up and go and get a takeaway so he could stay and eat. I said I wasn't feeling up for this and it wasn't the plan as I hadn't really expected her til Saturday.
I ended up leaving and going to my mum's even though all I wanted was bed. I wasn't that pleased he was there within 30 mins of her arriving home but not that fussed as long as I wasn't dragged into being sociable or being forced to start clearing up and tidying after a 70 hour week!!
DD now in a bad mood with me as she says I embarrassed her and made him feel uncomfortable. AIBU?

So she got back before you finished work, and then her bf arrived after that (also before you finished work)? She could've done a quick tidy of crucial areas and sorted a takeaway. Probably a bit rude of you to just leave when you haven't seen her (or him) so I get why she's annoyed about that.

she got back earlier, waited for you to get home then started ordering you to clean up and arrange food?

I'd have sent her back to uni.

My uni-aged child is welcome to turn up unannounced whenever he wants to, and his partner is equally welcome. This works because they know they will have to take us as they find us, no standing on ceremony here! Any child of mine who ordered me to clear up or go and fetch a takeaway would get the shortest of shrifts.

She sounds rude, and so do you.

Is it rude to just want peace and quiet and some downtime alone after a stressful week at work?

Her embarrassment is her own doing. So what if he was uncomfortable. You were tired and are not responsible for his feelings.

why was OP rude? DD was out of order and overstepped.

It wasn't clear to me from the OP if the BF was also expected, but no way would a madam of a daughter be ordering me around my own house to clean up and order food for her and her BF. What on earth gives her the impression she can do that?

This! Entitled little madam. Should have sent him packing and her with him!

Both a rude, you for leaving and DD for treating you like a cleaner in your own home.

I'd find it rude if my mum left the house and stayed elsewhere just because I had come back, yes. That said, she was also rude.

She was asking you to clear up? She would have got short shrift from me, but I wouldn't have left, I'd have stayed and told her to get a take away on the way to her boyfriend's house.

You were both rude tbh but you shouldn't have just left like that

This! What was stopping her doing either of these things herself? Fine for a young person to come back to their family home unannounced but in that case, they take their chances with how it is, and they take responsibility for making their own guests welcome, not expect their parent to do it!

I left as I thought we'd end up toeing as I really wasn't up for a mad dash round tidying and putting stuff in places that I wouldn't remember the next week. I thought at least I'd get some peace at my mum's and not have to be sociable with someone I don't know that well.

Rowing not toeing!

Your daughter was well out of order!

She was wrong for ordering you to tidy up and order takeaway, you could've done a quick tidy together and she is old enough to order takeaway herself. Saying that, I'd be upset if I came home for the weekend and my mum walked out and stayed elsewhere.

I would have told her to tidy up and get the takeaway herself then I’d of been polite enough while eating and then expected time to myself.
I doubt you made him uncomfortable to be honest by going out

Just one night when a) she wasn't due back til Saturday originally anyhow and b) bf had turned up to see her so she wasn't alone

Doesn’t sound like you’ve got the best relationship with your DD to be honest. She sounds a bit entitled and you sound really stressed. Why are you working 70 hours a week and weekends? Why is she expecting to do nothing?
Both of you sound a bit angry & resentful.

I totally feel your pain! Teacher here. My house looked like a war zone on Friday. I spent a few hours sorting it yesterday but today I am exhausted and that is the reality of a long 8 week term unfortunately. Your daughter needs to be more understanding. I have spent most of the day in bed or on the sofa and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

btw, my house always looks like a bomb site at the end of term. X

Sure he'd already seen the mess by that point anyway so what was the big deal?! If shes at uni and able to travel alone then she's able to order a takeaway for the 3 of you and then take off to the bedroom for the evening so you could veg out on your own sofa. Think you'll need to put some clear boundaries in place around tidying and bf visiting etc

Thank you BacktoBlack1 - fellow teacher who understands!! The idea of moving shit off the dining table which I'd then spend hours trying to find again just to sit and make small talk to DD's bf was not my idea of a decompressing Friday evening

Your relationship sounds odd, my children wouldn't think to be so disrespectful to me and there's no chance in hell I'd be the one leaving to stay else where.

But you're her mum and you left and slept somewhere else. Surely you can see why that would be upsetting?