Too tired to be sociable with DD's bf

[pigalow27]

I have had a hideous weekend with my DD being really pissed off with me. Basically she was due to come home from uni for reading week on Saturday morning but late on Thursday night, she changed her tickets and came home Friday afternoon instead. I wasn't terribly bothered either way. However Friday was last day of this half term. I'm SLT and exhausted. Mostly work 60-70 hour weeks so by the end of the week (especially the end of a term or half term) I am totally exhausted and fit for nothing. The house looks like a war zone as I work all weekend also.
DD's boyfriend arrived while I was still at work. When I got back she immediately asked me to start clearing up and go and get a takeaway so he could stay and eat. I said I wasn't feeling up for this and it wasn't the plan as I hadn't really expected her til Saturday.
I ended up leaving and going to my mum's even though all I wanted was bed. I wasn't that pleased he was there within 30 mins of her arriving home but not that fussed as long as I wasn't dragged into being sociable or being forced to start clearing up and tidying after a 70 hour week!!
DD now in a bad mood with me as she says I embarrassed her and made him feel uncomfortable. AIBU?

some people are just not happy unless mothers are skivvying away for others eh? @CosyLemur

@yeaitsmeagain

Yeah, the poor daughter ordering her mother to tidy up and demanding she fetch a takeaway for her.… poor Op more like!

You don't tidy up before your guests or arrange food, if not cook, for them? You don't welcome them into your home, you just immediately leave? Guessing you don't host much.

You were both rude.
She shouldn't be ordering you around in your own house.
You shouldn't have stormed out of the house and been angry with her for being half a day early home.

She speaks more polite to you, 10 minute tidy up, food in front of the telly with the boyfriend. Could have been so much simpler.

Actually when the read the OPs other posts, DD wanted to get a takeaway for them all and have somewhere to sit to eat it other than her bedroom. That's not a massive ask at all really.

The DD was getting the takeaway all she wanted was the OP to move some papers so they could eat at the table that's really not asking much!

Even if you knew your DD was arriving on the Friday? Which OP has said herself she knew Thursday lunchtime!

No she was ordering the takeaway she just wanted somewhere to sit!

But it wasn't a surprise, she knew about it and still didn't have anywhere for the DD to sit and eat!
She surprised her mother by storming out the house and going to take over her mum's TV!
Somewhere to sit and eat tea as a family is not a massive ask at all.

I think she only new at midnight on Thursday actually so definitely no time to clean up.

If she had wanted you to stay, she should have helped with the tidying herself and not ordered you to go fetch food. Why couldn't her and boyfriend go and get the takeaway?

I'm with you OP. I would have walked out and needed space too.

Guests? This is her daughter who announced she was coming home a day early and never said anything about the boyfriend being there. So not the usual 'guest' dynamic at all. There is every chance the OP is supporting her daughter through college, at the very least she seems to be housing her outside of term time, but that's not enough. She also has to be Martha bloody Stewart on top.

Quite!

She knew about it late Thursday night. She worked all day Friday. I don’t have extra time in my morning before work in stressful busy periods to tidy up, that’s the only window there was.

She should have offered to help tidy up, not demanded a takeaway!

I'm baffled that you seemingly just didn't do what she said instead of tearing a blistering strip off her and telling her if she's a guest she doesn't get to boss you about, and if she's a member of the family that still lives there she could have bloody run round doing that herself!

Cheeky mare! She should be embarrassed by her behaviour, not yours.

This is a grown adult at uni, presumably she has arms to be able to tidy up before her mum arrived.

I see - yes, I’ve got confused by the timescale. Not sure when I’d have done it then!

Agreed. Surely she could lift whatever was on chairs and nearly stack it somewhere? Bearing in mind OP’s job is at least part funding her through uni, probably. Sounds like one of those cases where DC wants all the benefits of a SAHM but all the financial support of a working parent.

I hope the OP has apologised to her DD by now for her weirdness.

YANBU.
DD should have helped, rather than making demands. Hope you have managed to have a rest since then.

No.

Tbf I think she was completely out of order your daughter I would have immediately told her no and if she didnt like it leave you worked mega hours and clearly exhausted I don't think you was unreasonable at all

Fellow teacher here. At the end of a week you are absolutely broken. Those here making excuses for your DD and criticising are clearly perfect, live in show homes and are NOT teachers!

your DD behaved like a brat. You are absolutely not unreasonable. If I’d done that to my parents I’d have been kicked out. I’m assuming your DD must be a young adult given she’s at uni. You don’t need to pander to her. Absolutely on your side!

‘Why are you working 70 hours a week and weekends?’

Tell me you don’t know anything about teaching, without telling me you don’t know anything about teaching.