Too tired to be sociable with DD's bf

[pigalow27]

I have had a hideous weekend with my DD being really pissed off with me. Basically she was due to come home from uni for reading week on Saturday morning but late on Thursday night, she changed her tickets and came home Friday afternoon instead. I wasn't terribly bothered either way. However Friday was last day of this half term. I'm SLT and exhausted. Mostly work 60-70 hour weeks so by the end of the week (especially the end of a term or half term) I am totally exhausted and fit for nothing. The house looks like a war zone as I work all weekend also.
DD's boyfriend arrived while I was still at work. When I got back she immediately asked me to start clearing up and go and get a takeaway so he could stay and eat. I said I wasn't feeling up for this and it wasn't the plan as I hadn't really expected her til Saturday.
I ended up leaving and going to my mum's even though all I wanted was bed. I wasn't that pleased he was there within 30 mins of her arriving home but not that fussed as long as I wasn't dragged into being sociable or being forced to start clearing up and tidying after a 70 hour week!!
DD now in a bad mood with me as she says I embarrassed her and made him feel uncomfortable. AIBU?

No way would I allow DC to speak to me or demand that of me, I have very clearly said this several times, no one should be happy about it, please show me where i have said this or even implied it. Doesn't mean I would leave the house because of it though.

I don't understand why you are mentioning role models to be when every post of mine has stated DDs behaviour was crap. I have clearly been a good enough role model that mine wouldn't behave in that way and would all just crack on and sort food, they may tidy but if not they certainly wouldn't be demanded I should.

What does slt mean

You are saying despite poor behaviour you would still welcome them with open arms?! Be soooo happy they deemed to visit. It can’t be both, unless you are massively passive aggressive!

Oh FFS, it's just a saying. OK, so I would welcome them home, new BF as well, couldn't give a shit if I knew them or not. We are just that sort of family. No way would I accept being spoken to like shit, and nor would they do that anyway. I would not leave and stay elsewhere regardless.

Part of the issue seems to be that the OP was tired and wasn't expecting them, I genuinely cannot understand this when it comes to a DC coming home from Uni. We are clearly more relaxed at home with stuff like this. I have never said DD wasn't out of order but I don't agree with how the OP behaved also, that's all

If OP was certain she was in the right she wouldn't have posted on AIBU surely?

Senior Leadership Team.

OP's daughter turns up early with a boyfriend in tow, while OP is finishing a horrendously long hard week.
She is then greeted by her daughter wanting her to clean her house and get a takeaway.

Lord but there some really low standards on here.

The OP rightly left directly.
But she tolerated her daughter sulking for the weekend.

Not a chance my children would dream be so rude and treat me like the help.

No I wouldn't welcome such rudeness home with open arms.
I would put her firmly in her place.
I am not my adult childrens skivvy when they decide to land in early with guests and I am at work.

Perhaps the higher standards come earlier for many so adult children don't end up treating their parents like their skivvy later on.

I think you can have words re the rudeness but also welcome DD and BF home, being a parent means navigating this sort of thing all the time surely. The OP leaving didn't actually help sort the situation IMO.

Anyway, there are a few who agree OP was wrong, and also plenty who agree with OP. That's what MN is for!

You left your own house because you wanted to be alone and not have to talk to your own child? That is really odd.

Whatever about the boyfriend, surely she is always welcome. It's her home.

I wonder if your mother is also posting about you showing up announced in her house.

I honestly can’t imagine telling my mum she needed to tidy up!! It wouldn’t go down well at all!

@ManhattanPopcorn

presumably though OP didn’t tell her mother to tidy up and instruct her to get a takeaway for her though did she?

Again, from what OP herself posted it was stuff on the dining table which, again, OP herself has said ‘would take her hours to sort out again’.
Obviously it is OPs right to have her work stuff on the dining table and to not want to move it, however people are fixating on the daughter ‘asking her to tidy up’. From what I gather, daughter hasn’t come in a a demanded a full house clean; it was about the dining table which maybe daughter knows not to mess with work papers etc.
I also assumed, and again might be wrong, that boyfriend is a ‘home’ boyfriend and therefore OP might have known him before daughter went to uni? So again, not imposing a stranger on mum but inviting her home boyfriend back to her …. home…..
Anyway; OP I hope you and DD are enjoying half term week and the weekend is a distant memory.

Why is everyone being a bit weird saying OP didnt want to see her daughter? It doesn't seem thay way at all. She was too tired for making small talk with the bf which I totally get. I don't like non family members hanging round my house, esp in the evening. I completely get why that wouldn't be appealing for someone esp as a teacher at the end of a busy half term AND with an expectation of cleaning up for him. NO THANK YOU

YANBU. The last minute change of plan would have stressed me out after this half term (fellow teacher).

So you knew your daughter was coming but didn't tidy? That's so rude - sorry but there's a tiny difference between Friday afternoon and Saturday morning. And if you were too tired to stay and speak to her then you'd have been too tired to tidy ready for the following morning.

Oh come on, @CosyLemur. The difference between Friday afternoon and Saturday morning is that the OP might have thought she'd tidy on the Friday evening. That's like inviting guests to dinner and thinking it's fine if they turn up mid-morning, expecting a meal.

Exactly.
Ridiculous post.
Any excuse to make a woman responsible 🙄

You don't need to tidy for your daughter fgs.

If I’d have ordered my teacher DM to clean up and get a takeaway when I arrived home early - or at any time - I would have been in massive trouble.

Instead, I would have tidied up as best I could without risking messing up piles of paper, and sorted out some food.

When my DS came home from uni once, we were in the midst of decorating as well as working. He offered to get fish and chips and his GF didn’t come over. He always asked if it was ok / he never told us she was coming.

Time for a chat with your DD, OP.

Big difference in my book - I would get up and do it on the Saturday morning.

100 hours a week? So 20 hours a day if you take weekends off or 13+ hours a day 7 days a week. Right. When exactly would you see said children if this were the case? Enough with the hyperbole. The OP was wrecked and simply not in the form for putting her game face on for what sounds like a rude and inconsiderate daughter and her bloody boyfriend. Just when exactly are parents allowed to have feelings, preferences and put their needs first? Do we have to wait until our 'children' are finished Uni? 25, 30, 40? Fuck that. I have a 17 year old and a 13 year old and they know that once they go to college and/or turn 18 a different dynamic will come into play. Having said that, no way would they at this age treat me like that or be allowed to.

‘Tidy yourself you cheeky sod and here’s my bank card to order takeaway, I’ll have ( insert your order) . Now I’m off to take a bath after a long day but we’ll talk after that, when I’ve wound down from work’.
Thats what id have done anyway. It feels like the relationship with dd must already be strained for some reason, is there a backstory?

NO

Oh no, the boyfriend has a bad impression, what a disaster 🙄. No parent should base their behaviour on impressing their children's boyfriend and girlfriends. And this from someone whose father did unspeakably rude (sometimes drunken) things in front of multiple boyfriends. Meh, they got over it but I think people were a bit more robust and less likely to take offence 30 years ago..

So, at HALF PAST SIX on a Friday when you got home from work, she expected you to start doing housework and ordering food for the two of them?

Hahahahahaha

She has a great sense of humour...