DH accidentally hit DD(7) and left a mark. Do we tell the school what happend?

[N0b0dyhere]

Firstly, this truly was an accident. We are both very against physical punishments. He was extremely apologetic to DD when it happened and he feels extremely guilty. She is okay, just a bit shaken and says it stings.

DD(7) is autistic and was having a very big meltdown. During these she can become violent and she was trying to hit us with anything she could find. DH went to slap one of the objects away and accidently caught her instead, hard enough to leave the raised imprint of 3 of his fingers.

We want to get ahead of this by telling the teacher about the incident as it'll likely be seen in PE. But will it be reported? They are fully aware of DD's meltdowns and are trying to support as much as they can but just looking at the mark from an outside perspective I'd probably think the worst.

Yes honesty is the best policy especially in this case. Hopefully the school will continue or ramp up support.

Yes, being transparent about these things is always best.

Tell them. Be completely frank. If they do take any steps, I'd hope they'd be in the direction of trying to help you and adding this to the picture of her needs.

I'd tell them. Slapping something away in defence hard enough to leave a 3 finger imprint on skin isn't something you can avoid explaining, it sounds like excessive force (I'm not saying it is, i have no experience of handing meltdowns and I'm not judging your DH). To professionals who no your child this will probably make total sense but I think it's best for you to be honest and clear it was an accident.

If this is the complete truth, then I might keep my kid off sick until it’s faded. Just because the school are mandated reporters so they will have to report.

What’s important is finding a way to manage the meltdowns without risking hitting her so this doesn’t happen again.

They will have to report - yes.

I’m sure your DH feels awful, but please be honest with the school about what happened.

If she has, or may have, meltdowns at school, they may need to adapt their own plans to support her and looks after their staff more effectively.

as your DD gets older/bigger, you may need more support or different strategies to manage her meltdowns and school may also be able to help you access that.

Yes tell them, it must have been quite hard to leave finger marks.
When my daughter was in reception, my husband was cooking. He drained the potatoes, put them back in the pan to mash. Turned round to put it in the counter and she walked past at the same time and it hit her on the head. She had a small burn.
The next day I forgot to mention it to the teacher and then got a call asking me to go in. Dd was asked about the incident and calmly said “ daddy hit me over the head with a hot saucepan!”.

I would be very honest and tell them op - accidents happen with our sen kids

Mine once jumped on her bed, threw herself back and hit her head on the headboard and split it open

Had to go to a&e and i was super nervous as its just us and she's pre verbal

They were understanding and could obviously see what had happened. I'm sure that a school that knows you and her, and knows about her meltdowns, will understand xx

Omg!!! What did they say when you went in?! Kids 🙈 x

They will have to report you to social services. Think carefully about this.

They have just helped us start the process of applying for early help as we let them know about the increase in violence and meltdowns at home over the past few months. They've seen similar at school, especially since September.

I would also keep off until bruise went. You could end up with a great big can of worms opened up here OP.

Not always my autistic son never has once been told off at school. He is such a rule follower away from the home and has a huge fear of authority. He saves it all for home and has the biggest meltdowns.

Be honest and work with early help

None of their business. Schools don't report every time a kid has a mark or bruise........but I guess the danger is if they see it and ask how she got the mark. "Daddy hit me". As pp said, keep her off if it's PE day.

Schools have an obligation to report injuries like this. They are mandated reporters. Any action or explanation is decided by agencies outside of school. That’s the only correct answer.

^^ Agree. However genuine you are that it was an accident.

The thing with this is will she go back into school and tell them what happened, then keeping her off may make it look worse?

It was not slapping in defence, the movement was directed to get the object out of the way. When people are moving quickly in a small space it can easily happen.

I would tell school OP, do you have home school /diary? If yes, I would put it there, it would allow you to check text to avoid misunderstanding.

It absolutely is their business. Staff are trained (or should be) to recognise finger mark bruising and they are obliged to report it.

OP just be straight with them. You aren't the first parents to have this sort of accident dealing with a violent meltdown and being up front about it will look a lot less sinister than covering it up.

Not necessarily. My DS is autistic and masks all day at school. School have never seen a single incident. Until he melted down in the car park on the way home. They didn’t question me after that.

That's policy, irrespective of circumstances

Such bad advice. If you have nothing to hide, tell school. In the likelihood of them reporting to SS, SS will not ‘snatch’ your child away. They will likely offer support via early intervention that your child may need. Accidents happen. I’m not sure what people think SS are!